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Excerpts From Yesterday

Yesterday was an interesting day for me, I wrote about it yesterday, here are some excerpts with an addition at the end!

Okay, so first of all it’s Tuesday! When I woke up this morning I had thought it was a different day, but I checked and it is for sure Tuesday! I meandered into work late today, mostly because my eye lids refused to open for me, but also because my building was hypothetically supposed to be blown up today (long story). Right about now, the CIA and FBI are scanning this because the words “building” and “blown up” are in the same message. Don’t worry ladies and gents, it isn’t really, and wasn’t really going to happen (hence the usage of hypothetical); so go on and look for other terrorists more likely to perform devious acts!

Now back to my story! I wandered to my desk and everything was in a disarray as I had left it the day before when I rushed (as quickly as public transit can rush) home to my pillows! “Oh well” I thought to myself, “I guess this means I DO have to work today”! As soon as I set my bag down and hit the button on my computer that makes him think, a flock of humans came and perched at my desk with stacks full of papers to organize! The confused expression on my face didn’t deter them either! They kept bringing papers and saying something to the effect “Good she isn’t dead, she can organize these now”! I had wondered if they thought I was really dead? I asked, and indeed they thought I was a goner! What I find most interesting about this scenario is that while they thought I might in fact be dead, no one bothered to call my house, inquire with the appropriate officials, or come by to check on me. I guess they had assumed my rotting corpse would give off enough of an odor that someone would find me. The gratitude goes a long way for me! Most people knowing me would read this and see the sarcasm spewing out of the previous phrase, don’t worry if you didn’t catch it. A lot of my sarcasm goes undetected and I often appreciate that people don’t always know how cynical I truly am!

Anyway, where was I, oh right, getting a hold of me. So they did send me a million e-mails (or more like 23). They even had a co-worker text me. I didn’t respond to anything. I don’t think it quite qualifies as dead, but considering I rarely choose to not answer someone, they knew something was wrong. In fact there was something wrong. I was not at work and I was sleeping. 20 hours of sleeping! One might understand my confusion of day-of-week having known I slept for 20 damned hours! And considering that I was in a semi-conscience state of existence, I would say I was at least partially dead. That of course is a touchy subject with many. I was even asked today at lunch if I had a suicide pact. I at first thought “Really?”, but then I quietly recalled the past month and it occurred to me where one might get that impression, so I simply shrugged it off and said “No, I won’t make a pact, it will just be me and blue Kool-Aid”. That led to a conversation about Kool-Aid.

So when I was being returned to the office after lunch, I walked by my coworker Joe Berra! Joe is an older guy, really awesome, rugged around the edges and never passes up the opportunity to hold my hand. It started out as hi-fives, that turned into hi-five-secret-handshakes. Now I just give him a five and he holds my hand while he talks to me. Today he asked me where I had been hiding for the past couple of weeks. He knows I wasn’t hiding, that I in fact wandered the halls at work teary eyed while gawkers stared and whispered! He was being polite, an etiquette that often gets lost on my dry sense of humor. Knowing however that his line of questioning was polite and mostly fishing for answers, I gave him one. “I’ve been hiding at my desk wishing it were a rock, how ‘bout you?” to which he responded, “all right, how are you holding up?” My first instinct was to answer him with a lesson in human anatomy, explaining the skeleton and such, but yet again I knew he was fishing, so I gave him an answer. “I’m alive which is about all I can say, how ‘bout you?” He responded by nodding and holding my hand tighter. I hadn’t quite expected that. I in fact expected quite the opposite. You are familiar, I am sure with passersby to whom you briefly speak. For instance, a passerby says “how do you do?” and you respond, “spectacular, how ‘bout you?” only to get no response or the obligatory “you take care too” which was in no way part of your brief conversation! I had really expected something along the lines of “you take care too”. I was quite astonished giving Joe Berra more credit than before. He’s also great to hug as well. I try to keep that to a minimum while at work!

After organizing papers all day, and randomly slacking off at work because I was too tired to actually work, I ended up catching the Metrolink to my car affectionately named Jacob, after the Jacobian Matrix that only true math geeks would know about. The whole train ride to Jake I thought about how I should have parked at the Fairview Heights Station because it was so much closer to Millstadt, but I instead used auto-pilot and drove to Emy Park Station. Doh! What was I thinking? Oh right, I wasn't thinking, it's all coming back to me now! I was about halfway there when I had a coughing fit on the train the indicated just how sick I actually am as opposed to the facade of being well! A seemingly nice guy got up and moved from me. I don't blame him, I wouldn't want my cold either. When I got to the Station, it was raining a little bit. I like rain a lot. The dreary weather is just something I like. Other weather is good too, but cool rain just feels good. Anyway, to stay on track with this story, I get into Jacob and drive to Millstadt for another wake/visitation.

The wake was not so much as one would expect. Yes there were people that were upset, and people crying. It was sad. There were lots of great photos of Grandma. I got to talk to Grandpa. I reminded him of the time I accidentally called him instead of Amanda. He apparently thought I seemed insane, to which I replied, "Well that's because I am just a little insane". But the point to which I am getting is that, with Amanda and her way too awesome co-workers, we laughed. I laughed so hard I actually had tears. This came at the expense of Ray who is now my Facebook friend. I have a crush on Ray. Maybe I have a crush on his personality, not unlike my blog crush on Justin Z.! In any case, that is really NOT what I am talking about, I'm talking about people laughing. I think it is good to laugh at funerals! People have lots of time to cry, so why not share great stories by which people would want to be remembered. It was pouring when we all finally left, and all agreed to meet down the street at a seemingly quaint diner/pizza joint. Seemingly quaint was just the beginning!

We all met up, Ray and I noticed Amanda was annoyed. Everyone got their orders and Amanda and I went for a walk to Grandma's house just around the block. It was raining, but the cool rains that I enjoy. It's sad to see Amanda so upset because she typically has a superior "tough guy" facade. The house means a lot to her. I hope it stays in the family for many more years! I won't dwell on her venting, that's hers, not mine!

We got back to our seemingly quaint food place, food was there. I learned at this point that I did not order food that I was supposed to order. Oh well, I hadn't really intended on eating, I just felt bad for everyone that had intended on eating some of my food! We heard some great stories at dinner. We all, I genuinely believe, had an enjoyable time.

Our seemingly quaint food joint turned sour about this point. The waitress shoved her way into our group, "I need your dishes", with a later comment something to the effect, "I'm going to wash the dishes and you need to leave so we can close up". We made a couple of jokes but she didn't laugh. We really annoyed her. I can't say I am unused to this reaction. I believe I annoy most people regularly! I really didn't say that as proudly as it sounded!

We were finishing up our drinks when we noticed that there was a single Blue Moon pilsner glass sitting on the table (and we really didn't want to deal with the mean lady washing it). Ray had ordered the Blue Moon. We had joked that he should steal it. We intensely joked that he should steal it. One young lady who I will call Assilem, put the glass in her purse. There was prompting by everyone at the table, and stronger encouragement from others. In any case, we as a group left the establishment with one stolen glass. We all took a walk to Grandma's house. It was freezing out. I don't say that jokingly, I believe it was really below freezing. When we returned we were affronted by the mean lady who complained she was missing one Blue Moon pilsner glass. We all stared. She then pointed to Ray and said, "I believe it was you that was drinking out of it". At this point Ray walks up and shows he does not have it on him, but mean lady really wanted this glass. Assilem joked about Ray slipping the glass into her purse when she wasn't looking and then wanted him to take the fall for it. If there had been a bus, he would have been under it! Moments later Assilem is telling Ray to "grow some balls" while the nice Mr. Policeman came out to find out why we were wasting his time. Several of us tried to ease the tension by telling him we took it and gave it back, all was fine, we were leaving but he still needed a name for his report. It wasn't any one person's fault in my opinion, but Assilem wanted Ray to take the blame since he drank from the glass. I offered up my name for the cop for two reasons. One, perhaps the most guilty of our party would feel guilty enough to take the blame (which eventually happened), and secondly, I was after all a witness far too willing to tell the truth about the whole ordeal. It was late, besides, it's not like I have never had my name in a police report! Ray protested, the cop annoyed by us wanted to know in whose possession the glass was in when it left. Assilem, thrower of people under the bus, spoke up and gave her info. The cop had already told us no one was in trouble, we were to just leave. She didn't make it easy, but we eventually were told to go. We said our goodbyes and left.

It made for an interesting night. A wake I will never forget!

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