A Not-So-Funny Cat Pee Story

There are those that like cats and those that do not. I fall into a category very close to "hater". Cats are mean, they are vindictive, they care only of themselves; they are in fact much like myself. I imagine this to be the start of our inharmonious relationship! Despite my deep feeling of angst for the creatures that try to suck human's breath out at night, I associate with the "cat lovers" because they are at least animal people. One of these said "cat lovers" is my former blog crush Justin. In his Two Week notice blog post he shared a picture of his cats...

His commentary about cat pee along with this picture made me think of a story about cats and the work required to move them. The important lessons are thus:
    -Cats should be moved in carriers

    -Cats freak out to everything

    -Cats really are mean

    -Cat pee stings in fresh wounds

Here is the story...

Eva and I were about 17; old enough to drive, old enough to know better, young enough to still try stupid things! She was moving to a new house, I had offered to help her since it was hard to not help her considering our attachment at the hips!

We were transporting many of her belongings in her old red Ford Escort that had this tricky fuel switch. You see, after the whole Ford Pinto incident of the 70's, Ford installed fuel switches in all Fords whose tanks could be rear ended causing a massive explosion. Eva's car was special. Not only did her car have the switch, but every time we hit a road bump or pot hole hard enough, the fuel was switched off! So imagine if you will, cruising down pot holed Benton Avenue (in Granite City), to fall into one of the holes and then have the car simply stop! No fuel! So Eva would have to get out of the car, go to the back, do some magic (for I honestly have no idea what she had to do in order to get the switch back on), and then off we go again to the next pot hole!

After several moves of the belongings we came to the final items to be transported, the cats. Linus and Azzy were a couple of nutty cats to begin with. I didn't hate them, I in fact thought they were all right for cats. Everything changed after the big move.

We didn't have carriers. This is a huge part of the story. We did not have pet carriers!! We just put the cats in the car, to roam free, to kill me! Eva starts the car and pulls away; Azzy, hides inside the dashboard. I kid you not, the cat found a crevice for which she could squeeze and then she was inside the dashboard. I would have tried to sooth her but Linus was literally bouncing off every surface. I couldn't understand what was happening. Eva, seeing the error of her ways, drove faster to get this nightmare over with as soon as possible. Linus was everywhere, all at once; back-and-forth, side-to-side, demolishing everything in his path. It was then we hit a pot hole. I don't know if this is when I was nearly clawed to death or if it had already occurred but while Eva was magically repairing the car, Linus and I were fighting to the death.

The details are fuzzy, but somewhere in between being clawed nearly to death, Eva repairing the car, and finally arriving at the new place, Linus returned to his chaotic to-and-fro frenzy while leaking urine. Cat pee was everywhere! All over the windows, all over the car, all over me.

As time moves on I may forget some of the details, I may forget Linus' name, but I do not think I will ever forget the way cat pee stings in fresh cat scratches!

The word...
adorkable: Both dorky and adorable. A higher state of being all dorks strive towards. [I like to think I have reached this state]

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