20091210

Nightmares...Again

I’ve been having nightmares again. They seemed to lessen for a period of time for a couple months at most, but a couple of months is far greater than you can imagine when it comes to impeding my sleep. They are back and I don't know why. Stress? Lowered immune system? Actual fear? I just can't figure it out. Here are some of the details, perhaps you have some insight.

Often times my nightmare consists of me looking for something. After awaking, I rarely remember what it was that I looked for...I just know that in my dream I am looking for something. In this process I walk into rooms and become startled. Take a moment to follow this thought with me...you walk into a room that you think is empty and suddenly realize someone is in the room; or similarly let's say you have a large doll/mannequin/masks/human-sized-cardboard-cutout...sometimes you might catch this out of the corner of your eye and it startles you because you think someone is there for the briefest of moments. Whatever the case may be, it is momentarily frightening, causing your heart to feel as though it's pounding in your throat along with the confusion that comes along that causes you to glance back every now and again to be sure! In my dreams, while searching, I will catch something out of the corner of my eye. My heart races and I am consumed with fear but when I glance over to see who or what is there, it usually turns out to be a mask. There are several masks I see over and over again, though my mind has seen many in dream form. I can only show you one of the masks by photo but the others may be mere figments of my imagination as I can’t recall where I would have seen them in the real world (one appearing to be a human face simply peeled away from the body and limply laying right side out; the other is a very fine porcelain mask with feminine features but painted in a sparkly blue paint. Think pretty Blue Man Group with cats eyes. It ties in the back with light pink satin ribbon).

Last night’s dreams were much different than my typical. There were two distinct dreams I awoke from startled. The first that I can’t quite recall much about had to do with my teeth. My teeth had been wired shut and the moment I took the wiring off, my teeth cracked and fell out. While very little was left in my gums, what remained were shards of bony tooth that cut the inside of my mouth.

The second of dreams I had was about water, one of my biggest fears. I was in charge of getting a ’63 split back Corvette (black and white with smooth dark grey interior…so nice I could have licked it if it were real) overseas. As part of the transport, I was to follow the shipping container that contained the most beautiful car known to man. As it goes, I was on a ship outside of the cabin. The sea was rough and I didn’t have a life preserver. I was holding onto a post for dear life as the ship rocked to and fro with water splashing all around. The water was a dark green that couldn’t be seen into, and the last memory of that dream I have is being startled awake as the ship tipped over to its side. When I awoke my hands were cold and clinched so tightly into fists that my fingernails had dug into the flesh of my palms.

[As a side note, I want to send many thanks to Drew for making a donation to my 5k! Awesome support! Thanks so much baby bro, you rock, and I still have your birthday present in my backpack!] [Also, if you are wondering, donations can still be made]

2 comments:

ironstef said...

I've had the tooth dream, and was talking about it with my friend who has a degree in psych and a masters in counseling. She had had the teeth dream too, and during one discussion group with other students, she discovered a lot of people have had it. They say it signifies that you are not living up to your potential or no using your skills/intellect as much as you could be. Soon after she started a job counseling and helping troubled youth, and the dreams stopped!

Stephy said...

Dang!