20131006

15 Years Ago

15 years ago today, my then only remaining grandmother lost her battle with breast cancer.  I never got to see her before she died.  I sadly don't even remember the last time I saw her.  My last memory of her was sitting at her dining room table having a conversation.  All of my cousins were out swiming and I just sat in the house.  She sat with me and asked why I wasn't out swimming. I didn't have the nerve to tell her I was afraid of water so I shrugged, as teenagers are prone to do.  I don't think she knew what to say maybe, so we sat in silence for a bit.  It would have been my first or second summer after my father died.  I was full of angst.  I didn't have anything to say to anyone, nor did I care to listen.  To kill the silence she asked if I was dating anyone.  I'm sure I just shook my head no and said nothing.  I remeber thinking though "are you kidding, I'm not the kind of girl boys like". Silently she reached out and held my hand and brushed some hair off my face & tucked it behind my ear. She said, "you really are such a pretty girl, such a loss for them".  I felt transparent.  I looked up at my grandma, for the first time in a long time I just looked at her.  I saw for the first time the age in her face. To this day, that is the face I want to always remeber.  The world is a less amazing place without her & that beautiful wise face.

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