My brother passed away on Sunday, December 11, 2016 and it's an all consuming event.  There's every stage of grief to deal with and there's no doubt that I'm stuck and dwelling in the depression stage.

I hate how life goes on...everyone joyfully posting on Facebook, everyone happily attending Christmas programs and parties, everyone defending their greatest causes and concerns...everyone just going on.  And here I am stuck wanting to go back in time, if even just a week.  But time does goes on, and I have to keep going or get railroaded so I do what I do best, I just work.  I work on taking care of my child, I work on work stuff, I work on sewing projects, I work taking care of my brother's funeral, I work on taking care of  all the stuff that happens to someone after they die.  And in this process I learn a little more about my brother each time.

I had a recent discovery this week after talking to my brother's employer.  Dusty (or John if you prefer) was an avid spreadsheetist.  It was yet another thing we had in common, and I never knew that.  It is at least a comfort.

One of the things his colleague said she would miss was that he was a wealth of knowledge, the go to guy for work questions, or computer questions, or just trivia.  She then said that she would also miss his spreadsheets (which made me smile).  He apparently had a spreadsheet for everything; and if he didn't have it, he'd make one, and for anyone that asked.  It broke me a bit to hear this because, as silly as it sounds, it was a common denominator.  I love spreadsheets and do as much as I can with them.  I also often find myself helping others with their spreadsheet needs.  He did this as well!  (How did I not know this?)

And so....there's a guy in my office who always comes to me with spreadsheet questions and today, when he stopped by with one, I felt this little flutter in my heart knowing that my brother and I shared this common bond of helping coworkers with spreadsheets.  I helped perform this little task, promptly walked back to my desk and quietly shed some tears.

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