20170203

Sun, Is That You?

I'm feeling better than I have been feeling for a little while, both physically and mentally.  The physical part is no doubt related to just eating better and more regular exercise (and my whopping 40lb shrugs I did yesterday in Fitness class, hoorah).  The mental part is probably related in a good part to that as well but I'm also allowing sunshine to claim a role.  It's nice to peek outside of the fog (I say that both figuratively and literally).

I haven't let myself listen to sad music, or the music that makes me feel sad (because sometimes they are not one in the same) and I am always surprised at the role that music can play in one's mood.  The kiddo and I were talking this morning about music and we thought it would be fun if everyone danced and sang as just a regular part of life...as if we were all in a musical...you may guess that our morning routine has become a scene from our very own musical.  If it's not entertaining, it's at least motivating, and some how keeps us both perked up for the morning and that certainly has a small part in my good mood as well.

Anyway, I keep chugging along and emotionally I know that I'm on a roller coaster and the lows will come with the highs but I'll deal with them when the cart gets there.  I continue to miss my brother, continue to panic at the overwhelming aftermath of his death, continue to worry about my mom and other family members, and I continue to keep myself busy with family, work, teaching, sewing, etc. and it helps.  I'm enjoying this semester's students.  They are good people, ask great questions, and make me laugh.

Why am I even writing this post?  What you can't see is that for this one post I am publishing, is about 10 posts I chose not to publish because they are angry and sad posts written over the course of the past 6 weeks.  And while each one represents, pretty accurately, how I've been feeling about myself and people in general, it's not the message I want to send out in the world.  My last published posts here were all either sad, or me complaining about this or that.  My past few years have been peppered with deaths, chaos, and messy things...but for the bulk of the time, they've been decent and I never write posts that say, "life is decent" and I thought I should.  ESPECIALLY after looking at my 10 unpublished posts...

So, life is decent, even with the peppering of bad stuff that's usually followed up by lots of grief and stress, life is still decent.  So go out and lift some weights, or run/bike a few laps, listen to delightful music, take care of your shit, and do good things.  Sometimes it's foggy, and sometimes it's not.

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