I had a bad dream last night. I want to clarify that it wasn't so much of a nightmare, rather, just a bad dream. I have to admit I don't recall exactly what the dream was about, but I wanted to wake up very badly. These are the things I recall: I was very tired in my dream, I wanted to get away from everyone in my dream, people were continually speaking to me in languages I didn't understand that I later learned were just forms of onomatopoeia [=the naming of a thing or action by a vocal imitation of the sound, for example, hiss describes, well a hiss]!

I would guess this dream has to do with the reality of my life. I am tired, I do want to disappear, and I'm very confused by people. I keep thinking that if I simply disappeared, a lot of things would be better, for me, and everyone who has to be involved with my life. It's just not a feasible option at the moment, so I can't disappear. I also keep thinking that if I scream at the top of my lungs [where did this phrase come from?] I will feel better as well. It won't make anything feel better, it will just give me a sore throat. If I were an emo boy, I'd write a precious song about life. I'm neither a boy, emo, or a song writer, so that just won't do either. I read something from a former coworker, and it was really inspiring. She's starting over with her life, and that is commendable to me. There are a few things I would change. For starters, I'd work on being a minimalist [=simplicity]. I'm learning more and more that it's not things I want, it's actions I want. I don't care about the television. I do care if I go visit a friend. I don't care about having shoes, but I do care about having comfortable shoes for walking. I'm not saying that I don't want some of my things. I love my Zune, music, phone, computer, etc. It's just frustrating to have things around, with no enjoyment from them. I don't know where this happened, but it did, I have lost interest in things.

I have to say that looking in from the outside of my life, it isn't a bad thing to have lost interest, it's just seemingly very disappointing!

Now, for those of you reading this, I need to clarify that I do not want to shout "where did this phrase come from", I actually want to know where the phrase "top of my lungs" comes from, if you know, please enlighten me!

For those of you that are chuckling a little, it is okay to laugh, I try to write as light heartedly as possible because it hurts less. I have a very hard time being serious about my problems. I make lots of sarcastic jokes, it's how I deal with myself.

Anyway, I have to get to work. It's stuff I took home this weekend, but never got around to doing (random reasons) so I need to get on it! The good news is that I have booked my hotels for my July trip.

I leave you now with the words of this weekend and today:

twitterpated: Complete and immediate infatuation with someone or something that occurs with the onset of spring; giddy excitement rooted in the physical. From Walt Disney's movie Bambi.

In Use: Ask Marie about her new Army boy. She's so twitterpated she can barely talk.

self-first: The rule used to get out of the "bros before hos" rule. Only to be used when there is more than an 80% chance of getting laid.

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