Discomfit

 I had a dream last night about the book I just finished.  I don't recall much of the dream other than the word "discomfit".  It kept coming up over and over again.  I woke up this morning very confused, thinking that I had just fallen asleep (which was not the case).  As I woke, scrambling to stop the blaring noise that was my alarm clock, the word discomfit kept coming to mind, as if I had just been saying it.

At that point in time I was not discomfited, rather quite annoyed at having to wake up from whatever it was that had me bound in a dream of fictional characters brought to life by my imagination.

Nightmares

The night before last I had a nightmare about being trapped on a flooding island.  That may very well have spurred from a book I'm reading, or show I've watched.  But why the dramatics?

Last night I had a nightmare that I can't even really remember, but I woke up twice, once with sweat pouring off my face and down my neck and the next time I just recall sitting up in bed to shake myself awake long enough to lay back down and stare at the clock for about 10 minutes.  What was I dreaming?!?

It's funny to me, that now that I am getting some sleep on a regular basis, that I can not really get sleep.  It's as if my body has decided to retaliate to the goodness sleep brings.  As if my body says, "I'm too good for all that none sense, I don't need it like the rest of the weaklings".  I want to say, "no-no, you DO NEED it, see those dark circles under my eyes, the headaches, that's what happens". 

In any case, I'm exhausted.  The exhaustion brings on a whole slew of other symptoms.  While I've always had haunting dreams, anxiety dreams, odd recurring dreams, I've managed to go on in life adapting to the little sleep I get from them or simply the unconscious understanding that they are dreams and can hurt nothing other than my fragile mentality which can be overcome in the right circumstances.  But nightmares where I feel trapped or endangered and only wake up at just the right moment...those are just painful sometimes and then I can not go back to sleep.

Do you often have nightmares, anxiety dreams, haunting dreams, recurring dreams?  What are they of?  Does talking about them help anyone?  Does anyone have a theory on what they may mean?

The Parade of Mimes

I've always found my dreams to be bizarre, frightening, and interesting in such a way that I never want to forget them for reasons I can't begin to explain. I've written randomly about some of the dreams I've had such as the Chicken Pox dream and Future World/Past World; being the Angel of Death; onomatopoeia; the dream where they were going to take my shoes; and really, any one of the dreams about dead people!

Lately though, I've missed out on the blogging of dreams. I've simply lacked time or motivation. Today though, I spent some time talking to my buddy Eva about a dream I had last night. We analyzed the dream too, trying to figure out just what my brain wants me to know. It was fun, you should chime in and tell me what you think! So here it is...I shall call this dream, the Parade of Mimes.

There was a parade that was both creepy and festive at the same time. I was in
the parade for part of the time and watching the parade the rest of the time and
wore a beret of some sort. I don't know where I was but it had the feel of a
damp European city, the streets were wet, the stone of the buildings was damp,
my hair was frizzy, and the wind was chilly and sharp. While I can't recall many
detail of the parade, I do know that there were both Mustangs and Corvettes in
the parade (brilliant blues and yellows) as well as mimes. Lots of mimes. They
were creepy, as all mimes are, in typical mime gear (black and white, red
suspenders). Eventuallly it was time to go, I had to walk across a bridge from
Scotland to Ireland (or the other way around, who knows) and it was REALLY windy
and I lost my hat. The bridge was really close to the water so I crawled
on the bridge and I was so scared the wind blew the hat right off and I couldn’t
do anything about it cause my arms were stiff from holding onto the bridge.

Alice Cake and Twitter Tea?

I've mentioned this once before via Twitter, but just saw something that made me think about it again...

When I see someone walking with scissors or a knife having the point facing anywhere but down, I begin to think, "didn't your mother ever teach you to carry sharp objects with the point facing down? You've got to be careful or you'll fall on it and die"!

Then it occurs to me that maybe the said individual doesn't have a mother! What if, his mother was carrying a knife (point up) and fell? What if she fell on her knife and stabbed herself to death?

Oh the horror!

That thought usually manages to trigger some horrible dream I had, and as always, that's what happened this time, though, a bit different, it had to do with me having to carve electronic chips out of dead bodies. I don't know why I did this, I don't know who I had to do this to, and I can't recall when I dreamt this. I just thought moments ago, "hey, I had a dream about carving out chips of bodies". The bodies were more of a cake though, like Alice in Tom Petty's "Don't Come Around Here No More" video.

Of course this gets me thinking about the new Alice in Wonderland coming out. I'm totally creeped out by the story in general, and all fabrications of it beyond the book simply intensify that which I find creepy. Irregardless of my "creep out" factor, I will be watching it! I really can't wait. Less than one month to go!

Now, to wrap it all back up, Alice made me think of tea parties, which reminds me, I've not had Twitter Tea in some time!

Nightmares...Again

I’ve been having nightmares again. They seemed to lessen for a period of time for a couple months at most, but a couple of months is far greater than you can imagine when it comes to impeding my sleep. They are back and I don't know why. Stress? Lowered immune system? Actual fear? I just can't figure it out. Here are some of the details, perhaps you have some insight.

Often times my nightmare consists of me looking for something. After awaking, I rarely remember what it was that I looked for...I just know that in my dream I am looking for something. In this process I walk into rooms and become startled. Take a moment to follow this thought with me...you walk into a room that you think is empty and suddenly realize someone is in the room; or similarly let's say you have a large doll/mannequin/masks/human-sized-cardboard-cutout...sometimes you might catch this out of the corner of your eye and it startles you because you think someone is there for the briefest of moments. Whatever the case may be, it is momentarily frightening, causing your heart to feel as though it's pounding in your throat along with the confusion that comes along that causes you to glance back every now and again to be sure! In my dreams, while searching, I will catch something out of the corner of my eye. My heart races and I am consumed with fear but when I glance over to see who or what is there, it usually turns out to be a mask. There are several masks I see over and over again, though my mind has seen many in dream form. I can only show you one of the masks by photo but the others may be mere figments of my imagination as I can’t recall where I would have seen them in the real world (one appearing to be a human face simply peeled away from the body and limply laying right side out; the other is a very fine porcelain mask with feminine features but painted in a sparkly blue paint. Think pretty Blue Man Group with cats eyes. It ties in the back with light pink satin ribbon).

Last night’s dreams were much different than my typical. There were two distinct dreams I awoke from startled. The first that I can’t quite recall much about had to do with my teeth. My teeth had been wired shut and the moment I took the wiring off, my teeth cracked and fell out. While very little was left in my gums, what remained were shards of bony tooth that cut the inside of my mouth.

The second of dreams I had was about water, one of my biggest fears. I was in charge of getting a ’63 split back Corvette (black and white with smooth dark grey interior…so nice I could have licked it if it were real) overseas. As part of the transport, I was to follow the shipping container that contained the most beautiful car known to man. As it goes, I was on a ship outside of the cabin. The sea was rough and I didn’t have a life preserver. I was holding onto a post for dear life as the ship rocked to and fro with water splashing all around. The water was a dark green that couldn’t be seen into, and the last memory of that dream I have is being startled awake as the ship tipped over to its side. When I awoke my hands were cold and clinched so tightly into fists that my fingernails had dug into the flesh of my palms.

[As a side note, I want to send many thanks to Drew for making a donation to my 5k! Awesome support! Thanks so much baby bro, you rock, and I still have your birthday present in my backpack!] [Also, if you are wondering, donations can still be made]

NaBloPoMo Day Twelve Post Ten - Forgot Dream

Every evening that I jog [or lay awake suffering from insomnia] I think of all the things I plan to write. I even write these things out in my head in such a way that if I could use my mind to make the physical action of writing happen, I'd have novels all over flowing the shelves. [Okay, so yes, the books are already over flowing the shelves, but they aren't books *I've* written]. But then I arrive to the computer the following morning and my mind is blank. I can no longer recall all of my brilliant ideas. It's as if the book I'd written never existed, but I swear to you I have some brilliant ideas, I just forget them.

Even this morning I thought of something I wanted to write, but, well, as you can guess...I forgot what it was. It's okay though, I'll try to take better care of my ideas by jotting a note or two down about them. As for now, you'll get part of my dream from last night [surprise surprise, you only get that part which I can remember, I've already forgotten the rest!]

...I looked in a mirror to see that my skin was washed out, very pale but freckle free. I leaned in closer to see my skin. It was dry and cracked with fine lines in places I'd never seen them before. Disappointed I looked over my entire face finding age. I stopped once to glance into my own eyes that were as they truly are; a hazel colored iris that has amber and green in streaks around the pupil. I felt slightly reassured that I was still myself, but disappointed that I was the person looking back in the mirror. I was actually a bit horrified that it was me. But what I saw next was even more frightening. I saw that I'd lost most of my hair, the bald area covered in scabs. I poked at them to discover they were bruised, tears streamed down my eyes while I tried to gather my memory to recall when this had happened. Nothing came. Then I woke up panicked.

Word...
Facebook crush: A crush on a FB friend is characterized by the unexplainable urge to revisit the friend's Photos tab repeatedly and checking to see if other friends have written new messages on their Wall. Usually afflicts users who are only somewhat acquainted. [heh]

Your Mask Gave Me A Nightmare!

Today's foot wear of choice...

Yippee Kay Ya

So last night I had a dream that involved three things. Riley in an aquarium, me shooting a Tommy gun, and masks. I don't know if these were separate dreams or one congealed blob of blur that had me waking in a sweaty panic, but this is how it goes...

I'm at some type of public aquarium, were turtles and schools of fish are on display. There is a pool with a hip height railing around it so that viewers may stand and look down into the clear open water. The far wall was a giant glass tank with much larger creatures, one of which was a squid. For some reason I had Riley with me. While I was preoccupied with trying to keep a turtle from eating my bare toes [why was I without shoes?], Riley jumped into the water, started swimming around and ducking his head into the water trying to eat the schools of fish! Once I was able to get him out of the water, we went to dry off and that is when I learned we both had the flu. Yep, that's right, me and Riley had the flu!

While Riley and I are "quarantined" in an old abandoned office space [that just happened to have old drafting tables set up in a classroom type setting], I found an old Tommy gun inside a desk. Having always wanted to fire one to hear the onomatopoeic "tat-tat-tat", I recovered it from its hiding spot, loaded her up, and took aim at a wall opposite me. I shot right through the wall and freed myself and Riley from our "prison". The movements in this segment were exaggerated and larger than life, much like films portraying the Prohibition era [imagine Bonnie and Clyde hanging out an old Ford V-8 firing away behind them in an erratic chase]!

At this point it gets sketchy. I don't know if I was in the Australian outback where I presume my subconscious led me or if I was just in an arid and dusty plains somewhere in the middle of the US. In any case I was now alone. In fact it seemed to me as if having Riley with me was a dream [a dream within a dream?].

I skulked along peering around boulders and patches of tall grasses having the feeling of being chased by something. I knew I had to get out of this location but I didn't know where to go. After what seemed like countless hours I peered around a boulder to see a man wearing a mask. It was in fact THIS MASK [thanks to @FrankieP, it is in fact him in that creepy mask]. The entire time this was happening, I felt as if I carried knowledge of something very secretive. The masked person was after me. I only got as close as 50 feet before I startled myself upright in bed with a sheeny dew of perspiration to sheathe my face and neck.

I've told you before, and I will tell you again, I have mask and painted-face-aphobia! Does it to me every time!

I have reasons why I think I dreamed all of this, and perhaps later I can elaborate, but for now, work beckons [in its bastardy whiny voice]!

Word...
pancake:

1. To end a relationship suddenly.
2. To get dumped by someone and remain clueless to the reason.

Still Alive ... My Dreams Encourage Otherwise

I had a [sadly] pleasant dream about the suicide rates of engineers and exam takers. I also have a vicious canker sore. I think these are both signs of severe stress. [Those are among other stressors I shall fail to mention here.] The good news though, is that with this level of stress, mosquitoes will leave my ass alone.

Now, on the note of asses I would like to mention to you that my language is part of me; as are my topics. I realize these may be inappropriate at times. If you find this to be the case, don't read anything I write. Simple answer! If you think your mom doesn't want you reading it, then you are probably too young to be on the computer.

Despite what you may believe, I am in a decent mood today, music is helping [as we speak, a little Sunday Girl by Blondie]. I think I'll recap how my week has been going thus far though...

...Monday, a day of meetings and an impromptu conference call...

Webex...woo...	Excitement!

...that led to the following...

Reminder Doodle	Random Phone Doodle
What??

-------
Yesterday I sat in meetings from noon until when I left and didn't get to pee at all, mind you this was after drinking loads of tea all morning! It produced the following kind of doodle...

------
So now here we are on Wednesday and my brain is sucked dry so I wear the funkiest thing I can find, completely by accident...


-----
It's okay though. I've made it through some very rough days lately. Lots of crying, lots of anger, lots of stress. If I can get through this alive, I'm sure I'll have plenty more stories to tell.

I plan on blogging later to include some quotes of late; perhaps a story about me, eva, and odd children.

Please comment and leave me a link of some good comic, some interesting story, or even a video (music or show).

Thanks!

Word...
peace easy: A lovely combination of "peace out" and "take it easy" for those too lazy or too busy to say both. Double the meaning, half the time.

Sorry So Bland...

A long weekend down but much more to come within the next two weeks!

I'll try to quickly recap so not to bore you with details you may or may not already know.

Friday the Third I had the day off work, where I was able to get some stuff done for a variety of things. I can barely even recall what I did on the Third, but I did invite an acquaintance to meet me on my adventures next week, but then had to recant my offer. That's a story for another day. I also went to breakfast with friends and had this whole awkward ordeal paying for my meal (the things honesty will get you); but that's also a story for another time.

Saturday the Fourth, some plans got canceled and some impromptu plans came into play. I went over to Kelly S.'s house for a small get together where I got to meet the other Stephanie (Ironstef) and others. Kelly made Crack Corn (popcorn with truffle salt that was like crack, so addictive you had to keep diving the hand into the bowl for more, we looked like vultures) and a really good carrot dip that almost tasted like a bean dip. Oh and I bought some beer from the Ska Brewing Company to take with me, and it was awesomeness in a bottle! Following that brief adventure, I went to Jen's over in St. Chuck for fireworks (viewable from the parking lot adjacent to her house). It was sticky, wet, muddy, smelly, and fun. We couldn't really see the fireworks too well (weather and all), and we got soaked (so I rode home in my under clothes). But it was great to see my friends, and to hear Tim and the anarchist jam together on the guitar and banjo! That was very cool! I even had a dream about it that night, watching them play together. They were doing tricks with the instruments while still playing!

Sunday the Fifth was a big let down for me and others. Well not a total let down I suppose, Chris removed the existing window from the master bath and replaced it with the extremely nice window we purchased, what seems like eons ago. I, however, worked on getting some much needed things done. I did manage to finish ALL the laundry that had piled up, I was able to at least book the remainder of my flights for my trip next week, I got some much needed shopping done, and I worked some on the invitations that have an end of July deadline for me (and really not a lot of time to do them). I still however have a list of things to be done. No matter how much I could do, it didn't seem I could get anything marked off the list. What I find most disappointing is that I had three different sets of invitations to something on Sunday. I had to decline all three. I at least heralded myself on the fact that if I said no to one, I said no to them all; which is exactly what I needed to do. I guess I feel most bothered by my sister's party for her 18 year old son. 18 years old is a big age, legally speaking that is. It was even a surprise party, luau themed. I just couldn't get it in there with ever thing else.

So now here we are, Monday the Sixth, things moving along smoothly so far. I can think of many things to talk about, like Amanda with Buddy Holly glasses; Clint and the Austin police; my itinerary for next week; my desire to be a complete vegetarian; my appointment with a personal trainer (only 3 sessions, not like a real PT); my annoyance with people I know that have either really ticked me off or have hurt my feelings in some way recently; my annoyance with iPods and Zunes; my complete and total lack of proper social skills (which I seem to lack and am sometimes told that I lack); and well, really I could go on for a while. I will return later to try and make some clarifications to a few things!

I won't go on now though, as I have a meeting at 9 am. So alas, I leave you be with the words of the weekend and today...

roffle: To roll on the floor laughing. From the Internet chat acronym, ROFL (roll on floor laughing).

BOBFOC: Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch. A person who possesses a killer body but has a face that only a mother could love.

put in print: To kill. To put someone in the obituaries.

Another Rainy Day

...it's another rainy day in St. Louis. This morning, at approximately 3:30 AM, I was awaken to the sound of ridiculously loud thunder. Took me about a half hour to fall asleep again. I am just so thankful that I was able to go back to sleep!

I think my dreams were very pleasant, but I can't be certain since I no longer recall them. I just know that when I was awaken at 3:30 AM, I recall my dreams as having been pleasant.

I will be posting a blog for HOK soon (hoping today, but this week for sure, waiting for some approvals first). Be sure to stop in and check for it randomly. In fact, just go check it out! HOK Life!

I don't really have much to say right now. If you are my Facebook or Myspace friend, you can go see my pictures that I posted from Indiana.

Word-
absurdicus: Absurd and ridiculous at the same time; insane.

Wake Up Please

Last night I had a nightmare. It started out in my mom's house, except Chris and I were there but no one else. We had invited some talk show host over to the house as a surprise for Amanda because we knew she would want to meet him. We told Amanda and she was taken aback by the surprise, much as I expected her to do. Moments later she and I were sitting on the floor of my old bedroom; it was still tiny, same layout. We were talking when I noticed a small (1/2") spider. It was brown, fuzzy, and creeped me the fuck out! It was at this point that I saw the rest of the spiders, much larger, all over, and now crawling on me. They were all brown with black spots and fuzzy with beady black eyes that looked like an abyss. Amanda at this point left me and shut the door. I screamed for her, she did not come. I screamed for Chris and he laughed through the door. I screamed for anyone to help me and no one would. Broken hearted and crying, I tried smashing the spiders with a spare shoe but there were too many. I remember saying aloud "wake up wake up wake up please for the love of God" . . . and then, like a miracle I woke up. I shot straight up in bed! My heart was racing so fast I could feel it in my face and ears. I ungracefully flew out of bed and turned on the light, pulled back my blankets and even flipped the pillows. No spiders! I sat down and just took a minute to breath. Got up to flip the light off and shot a glance in the mirror to see the sweat that had accumulated on my face and neck. I took one more glance around, flipped the switched, and took a last stab at trying to sleep.

Word-
That's my word: Interjection used to reinforce a statement.
In Use:

Guy 1: Stay away from her, she's a skank!
Guy 2: No way, not her?!
Guy 1: That's my word!

They Were Going to Take My Shoes

Wow, it's a quiet day. No special blogs to speak of, no people around to tell stories about, just quiet. This is surreal, am I dreaming? No probably not.

I recall a dream last night about having to go to a facility to take a class about handling radioactive material. Amanda had to go with me, but once we got through the doors, I lost her. Terry M. and Karen C. from HOK were there. We were in a building that kept shaking (imagine being inside a trailer while it's traveling at say, 65 miles per hour). I was really nauseated in this dream. They confiscated my cameras, my cell phone, all of my loose change in my purse, and even my barrettes. I was upset about them taking my belongings, but mostly upset because they ruined the film in one of my cameras, and they took my cell phone (and I was texting Mike and Shane). I woke up while I was in this shaking room just before they were going to take my shoes, I honestly did not want to fall back asleep for fear of continuing my dream so I just let myself doze in and out of rest for about 2 hours this morning. Therefore, I am still rather exhausted.

I suppose I will take this opportunity to ask what is going on these days with you? I haven't heard from Becky much at all on the Internets, I hope I didn't upset her about my comments on the photos. It was the last correspondence we've had. I know how Mike is doing, and well, I worry about him. I suppose more than I should, but I worry a lot about people some times. I haven't heard anything from Maureen, and from her few status updates, she appears to be wildly busy with brain work stuff. I saw Holly just recently and am wondering how close to being done she is with her stack of paper work. I've only vaguely corresponded with Drew, enough to know he is a ray of sunshine.

Okay, well that wraps up this morning. If you were looking for something interesting, check out this blog about art in dirty cars!

Word of the day-
badinkadink: A small, usually cute rear end on a female. As opposed to badonkadonk or badunkadunk, which is an extremely curvaceous female behind with moderately wide hips and a large amount of booty cleavage.

Lightboxes in My Blog

I'm attempting to do something different with my blog today using "lightboxes". I will guess that this won't work in MySpace or Facebook, but then again, I never know until I try! So here it goes! Click on the links to websites and they will take you to new pages. Same as always. Click on the links to pictures and a "lightbox" will pop up with the image. So instead of taking you to a new page, it just pops up over this blog. Click on the image to make it go away! Now, the blog -

I'm exhausted! I've been having these extremely vivid dreams lately. Last night's was about work, people sitting in different locations (Steven Crang over by Advanced Strategies, Andrew Schwabe over by us, Mike Plotnick by IT), office furniture was being rearranged throughout. It was so vivid that I've had to stop and think a few times if some of it was real. For instance, my pink cup that I use daily, I had thought it was in my "locker", but it wasn't, it was in my overhead cabinet. I understand my confusion because in my dream last night, I cleaned my locker so that I could put my cups in there! But, now here at work, I see that my locker is not cleaned out, at all. It's rather messy.

I also woke up several times in the night. 1 A.M., 3 A.M., 5 A.M.; each time thinking to myself (or maybe I talked out loud too?) "I get to sleep more, thank God I get to sleep more". At around 5 A.M. Riley was crying. I had thought it was because he wanted outside badly and I was so tired I couldn't understand that there was an awful noise that sounded like animals being killed. I never heard it, but Chris said it was loud and caused Riley to have a fit! That all seems so unreal that I am wondering if I dreamed it as well!

At any rate, I'm still exhausted. I am ready to fall asleep at any given moment!

Thanks to Dynamic Drive for useage of the lightbox scripts!

Word of the day-
key: Just perfect. Describes something that would make you a whole lot happier.
In Use: A hug from mom would be key right now!

Happy Birthday Fella

How could I forget!? Today is:

Stubby's birthday!

Happy Birthday fella, sorry to make you!

........
Now onto the other things I wanted to talk about but got interrupted by work!

Dream

I can barely recall what my dream was about last night, except for one clip. My dogs had red irritated skin with bites all over them; I had decided we had bed begs.

........
My Sleeping Arrangements

Last night I tried to lay down in bed. I had Riley's butt resting on me, and Bella literally sitting on my shoulder. I told them to move, they would fidget and come right back. I wanted to have room, I wanted to sleep alone! I took my two pillows (one for sleeping and the other for snuggling) and went to the couch. Bella seemed to think that I was leaving her so she followed and climbed up on the couch. She couldn't curl up at my feet, she instead had to trudge her way along between me and the back of the couch where she proceeded to snore for the rest of the night! Therefore I did not sleep well. Riley was at my feet not allowing me to pull the afghan up over my shoulders. So there I was freezing, awake, and not alone on the couch. I think I'm supposed to be appreciative of this!

........
25 Things

I was inspired today to write 25 things after reading Kelly's blog. Kelly wrote about 25 food things; I happen to think food is gross so I will write 25 of my favorite non-sappy lyrics to occupy my time, as this will take all day. I'm sticking to only songs on my Zune, so covers will be listed by the person on my Zune. (Give me some credit, I'm at work with headphones on, it's just what popped into my head)


1. "I don't believe in cool, I went to summer school" Creeper Lagoon, Chance of a Lifetime

2. "I'm wearing fur pajamas" Talking Heads, Wild Wild Life

3. "You're gonna make me spill my beer if you don't learn how to steer" Wilco, Passenger Side

4. "I won't tell a soul except the people in the night club where I sing" Old 97's, Designs On You

5. "You're so cool you could have put out Vietnam" Shane Macgowan, Haunted

6. "They were guzzling marshmallows and then jumping off the Empire State" Robyn Hitchcock, Balloon man

7. "The KKK took my baby away" Ramones, The KKK Took My Baby Away

8. "Everybody can do the ska, it's a new dance you can't resist" I have no idea

9. "Blame it on being a girl" Old 97's, No Baby I

10. "From the embryonic whale to the monkey with no tail" They Might Be Giants, Mammal

11. "All the times when we were close, I'll remember these things the most" The Clash, Train in Vain

12. "Just because you're better than me doesn't mean I'm lazy" Lars Frederiksen And The Bastards, To Have And To Have Not

13. "I said I like your 2tone clothes, she said I like your broken nose" Bad Manners, Skinhead Love Affiar

14. "I got embarrased and I decked the sale's clerk, stole the wig and ran like hell" Kevin Devine, Haircut

15. " I promise these last years of loving you will be the best years of them all" Mike Ness, If You Leave Before Me (okay a sappy one got in!)

16. "If you were a TV show baby you would've been cancelled" Screeching Weasel, Crying in My Beer

17. "Looks like somebody forgot about us, standing on the corner, waiting for the bus" Violent Femmes, Waiting for the Bus

18. "Mrs. Ewe and Mr. Ram, where did you get that lovely lamb?" The Specials, Stupid Marriage (I like sheep)

19. "Got a light? smoke it up, Zig Zag, Roll it up" Tim Armstrong, Take This City

20. "If I fall back down, you're gonna be my friend" Rancid, Fall Back Down

21. "The way that you sleep is the image I'll keep, always on the edge of my mind" Old 97's, Bird in a Cage

22. "Casino Queen, my lord you're mean" Wilco, Casino Queen

23. "I gotta check for nothing, all made out to someone" Old 97's, The One

24. "It is time for to realize, and try and be your little size" Madness, Taller Than You Are

25. "I walk into the bar and I put in twenty buck because I know people's taste in music sucks" Bouncing Souls, Bullying the Jukebox

I Even Smell Good Today

Okay, so I got a comment about my dream, and how odd it is, and that it will become my new nightmare. Here is the edited comment by Drew:

"u have some weird dreams. first dead people now bathing stuff... its gonna become your new nightmare... bathin stuff... "

It's funny that you should mention that it will be my new nightmare, because I honestly am disgusted by baths. Showers all good (trust me, I am clean, I even smell good today); baths are disgusting cesspools of bacteria waiting to invade any orifice that they can. I also think that dirty pools of water, like mop buckets, sinks for dishes, etc. are similarly gross. The thought of me putting my hand into mucky water makes me want to vomit. So really, I have no idea how I thought this dream was calming!!!

Bathing Someone Dear to Me

I did have a dream I wanted to write down when I got up this morning and forgot about. What I meant to say was this: I recall the part of the dream I wanted to write down, I had forgotten to write it down when I got up this morning!

Anyway, in this dream I was washing a sidewalk and garage door. I had a wide mouth cup of soapy water, and a wash rag. I would soak the rag, then gently wash the garage door, rinse and wring the rag in the cup of soapy water, then soak it again in the same water. Repeat. I was very gentle, as if I were bathing another human being. I washed the door, and even though I wasn't tall enough to reach the top, I still some how managed to wash it. Then I moved to the sills and washed them. All of this in the same gentle and repetitive motions of bathing someone dear to me. The association of me washing as though I were bathing someone was a really strong feeling, as if I wanted to be bathing someone dear to me. Eventually I had moved all the way down to the sidewalk. I sat and washed the sidewalk as gently as I had washed the door. Even though the surface was gritty and rough and catching the rag as it ran across, it never seemed to deteriorate my wash rag. Throughout this dream, when I felt the water was too dirty, I would take it somewhere, pour it out and replenish my warm soapy water. I don't recall doing this action, but I know it was happening. The one time that I can recall pouring out dirty water, I noticed that the water was dirty, but not terrible. I just wanted the freshest, warmest, soapiest water to continue with my task. There was a visible difference in the locations I had washed versus the locations I had not washed.

It was a very calming and comforting dream.

Pop-up Books

I woke up in a really good mood today. I laid down at about quarter to eight, and don't remember a thing until about the time my alarm was going off this morning. I was having a great dream so I just continued to smack the alarm for about an hour to keep him quiet so I could keep dreaming. I finally realized that I actually had to get out of bed at some point, but I'm glad I did.

I read a good blog today about books. One of those books was about pop-up porn! Now, I won't post that link because I feel that it is adult content, and I don't want any unnecessary eyes looking in, but if you want the link, e-mail me and I'll send it!

The subject of pop-up books made me recall a book I want. It is called the Pop-up Book of Phobias! Emily's roommate had this book, and I made a note that I wanted to get it, well gift it to a couple of people at least (can't say any names, it takes the surprise out). I'm glad I recalled this because it gave me the opportunity to get the link somewhere that I'll remember! You should check it out. It rocks!

What is awesome about having looked this book up is that I see the author also has a Pop-up Book of Nightmares! I wonder if he has a page for dead bodies, like most of my nightmares involve?

Well, I have to get some stuff done before Andrew comes in and finds me slacking! Ha, me slack, never! But before I go I want to thank Drew and Holly for agreeing on the meaning of "you were so cool you could have put out Vietnam". Thanks to Eva for catching the phrase's song which was in no way part of the challenge. Thanks to Janet for her blogs, they rock!

Word of the day:
Alabama chrome: Duct tape.

In Use: Dude, you need to fix your car; some Alabama chrome will fix you up right.

You Are A Jerkkk...kyyy Is Bad

So I walked yesterday with Amanda at SIUE where we both decided it is a beautiful campus! While there we had a few conversations, and one of them was about winning. There are many things that she wins, that no one else wants to win. For instance, we were talking about dreams and I told her about my onomatopoeia dream; she told me about hers (that I will choose not to share since it's not mine). Her dream was way more bizarre than my own, so I told her she won that contest. That is how we got to me saying "it's not anything that anyone else would want, but you're a winner"! I never know, was that a good thing to say or a bad thing to say?

Anyway, another conversation we had was about being mean (which I am apparently good at being). Not so much about being mean, but saying what needs to be said even though it might sound mean and hurt another person's feelings (I have an inability to sugar coat things). I won't elaborate on who we were talking about, but I told Amanda that I would use a teleprompter and type the things she needs to say when she is on the phone with the person that needs a good chewing out! So I say that I will write "you are a jerk", and she said she can't say that, so I laughingly played out what she would have said as "you are a jerkkk...kyyy is bad"! We decided that her ad lib would ruin my plan and therefore she will never be able to be mean to the people that hurt her feelings.

I intend on borrowing her phone, finding the number, and making a call myself. Jerk.

I wanted to say thanks to Drew for his explanation of "screaming at the top of my lungs"! It's in MySpace, so if you are my friend, you can read it there. Other people have asked this question and got an answer like this!

It's another day that I need to get to work and focus (which seems impossible most days), so I will leave you for the moment with the word of the day:

spit game: To flirt or mack on somebody, but usually not very seriously.

In Use: I think I'll go out and spit game at some ladies tonight, but I'm not looking to take any home.

onomatopoeia

I had a bad dream last night. I want to clarify that it wasn't so much of a nightmare, rather, just a bad dream. I have to admit I don't recall exactly what the dream was about, but I wanted to wake up very badly. These are the things I recall: I was very tired in my dream, I wanted to get away from everyone in my dream, people were continually speaking to me in languages I didn't understand that I later learned were just forms of onomatopoeia [=the naming of a thing or action by a vocal imitation of the sound, for example, hiss describes, well a hiss]!

I would guess this dream has to do with the reality of my life. I am tired, I do want to disappear, and I'm very confused by people. I keep thinking that if I simply disappeared, a lot of things would be better, for me, and everyone who has to be involved with my life. It's just not a feasible option at the moment, so I can't disappear. I also keep thinking that if I scream at the top of my lungs [where did this phrase come from?] I will feel better as well. It won't make anything feel better, it will just give me a sore throat. If I were an emo boy, I'd write a precious song about life. I'm neither a boy, emo, or a song writer, so that just won't do either. I read something from a former coworker, and it was really inspiring. She's starting over with her life, and that is commendable to me. There are a few things I would change. For starters, I'd work on being a minimalist [=simplicity]. I'm learning more and more that it's not things I want, it's actions I want. I don't care about the television. I do care if I go visit a friend. I don't care about having shoes, but I do care about having comfortable shoes for walking. I'm not saying that I don't want some of my things. I love my Zune, music, phone, computer, etc. It's just frustrating to have things around, with no enjoyment from them. I don't know where this happened, but it did, I have lost interest in things.

I have to say that looking in from the outside of my life, it isn't a bad thing to have lost interest, it's just seemingly very disappointing!

Now, for those of you reading this, I need to clarify that I do not want to shout "where did this phrase come from", I actually want to know where the phrase "top of my lungs" comes from, if you know, please enlighten me!

For those of you that are chuckling a little, it is okay to laugh, I try to write as light heartedly as possible because it hurts less. I have a very hard time being serious about my problems. I make lots of sarcastic jokes, it's how I deal with myself.

Anyway, I have to get to work. It's stuff I took home this weekend, but never got around to doing (random reasons) so I need to get on it! The good news is that I have booked my hotels for my July trip.

I leave you now with the words of this weekend and today:

twitterpated: Complete and immediate infatuation with someone or something that occurs with the onset of spring; giddy excitement rooted in the physical. From Walt Disney's movie Bambi.

In Use: Ask Marie about her new Army boy. She's so twitterpated she can barely talk.

self-first: The rule used to get out of the "bros before hos" rule. Only to be used when there is more than an 80% chance of getting laid.

More Things That Get Me By

A continuation of a list of small things that make me happy . . .

breezes
dreamy memories
feeling needed
feeling wanted
randomly buying a gift for someone
randomly receiving a gift from someone
my blankets
my pillows
a mirror's reflections being more beautiful than expected
pale skin
wanting to keep talking to someone
cool breezy weather
crazy socks
New York
serenades
something such as a word, smell, or sight that reminds one of another person, as though life were a memory book
The sun being so bright that it turns my hair into gold
clavicles
pink and green
the sounds that shoes make
closing tired eyes that have awaited sleep
old suitcases
maps
dreams that I never want to wake from
watching some one you adore
having a shoulder to cry on
music
when the bus drivers wave to one another when passing
great hugs
telling the truth all the time
knowing that you are important to someone
seeing some one's face for the first time after having seen then for many years
taking a break from everyone
naps
holding doors open for people
having the door held open for me
finding a journal from years ago, re-reading it, and finding how much or how little has changed
getting to talk to someone you really enjoy talking to
not growing up
going to the graveyard, being completely alone, and being able to cry for whatever reason pleases you
someone dedicating a song to you
my Grinders (shoes)
knowing people that are such great people they deserve everything wonderful the world has to offer
"mate"




[Editor's Note: Content on this list was taken from Steph's original list started prior to 2000].