Outlets

I feel like I've lost all my outlets where I can be me.  I guess to be fair, I'm me most of the time, but I'm a different version of me everywhere I go.  What I've done is lost my ability to vent...so to speak.

There is a work me, mom me, housekeeper me, crabby me, happy me, sewist me, teacher me, friend me etc.....and each one has a uniqueness and comes with its own set of people.  I've slowly mixed my "personalities" and pots of people in a way that makes it hard to speak out about anything because the groups are so different and clash in messy ways.

All of my social media outlets....well, there are too many people from each pot of people that know me in one way or another to say too much about anything.  Sound vauge?  That's how ya have to do it! 

Speaking in person to a close confidant is hard with my schedule, nice when it happens but rare.  And when it happens...mouth diarrhea!

So I've lost the places and people, to just get it all off my chest as the thought hits me.  I must be delicate in what I say for/about work and school. I must be decent and motherly with my kid's school people.  Don't even mention venting about family.  Don't dare to have a different opinion on anything or risk persecution.  Also, I can't talk about how much I miss my brother.  I think most people agree that there is no expiration on a mourning period but for fuck's sake, don't talk about. 

I know that I can technically say or do what I want and who gives a shit?  But this whole damn country and world has turned to eggshells and spies...it's rough to be who you really are sometimes.  And sometimes you just need to say that you miss your brother, you hate your doctor, you worry about your kid, your job can sometimes be miserable, your feelings are hurt, etc.