Two Years

It's been two years today that my brother passed away.  I clearly still miss him and while the sting may not be as intense as it has previously been, the sting is still there.  I see little pieces of him in other people, in places, and in so many little objects that remind me of him.  These little sightings are both a blessing and a curse.  I'm happy to see a person cross his arms just the way my brother did, it means I remember.  But then the sting sharpens.

I know that he would not want me to feel bad about his absence, and if he were here he'd give me one of those one-armed-sideways hugs and say, "you're an idiot".  It would make me smile and I'd simply respond with "whatever".  We'd continue on where I would talk too much and ask a million questions and finally, he'd say, "what, I wasn't listening, I stopped listening when you said ..."

In any case, the sting is a solid one today.  Officially as of 5:38 AM, I have outlived my older brother.  Unofficially, the last time he was seen alive was December 10, 2016, and so sometime between midnightish and when the doctors and nurses finally called his death at 5:38 AM, he passed away.  So today, while I was sleeping, or perhaps in one of those moments where my alarm was going off and I was hitting snooze, I outlived my older brother. 

A blog post just can't summarize the turmoil my brain is in today.  It needs to be busy to mute the noise and so I'll say that I'm thankful to be busy at work, thankful for the meetings and the people that will consume my time, thankful to sadly live another day beyond what my brother was able.  Miss you Dusty.