I Only Post for Nostalgic Purposes

When I first started writing anything down in a blog, it was just random stuff that I might otherwise put on a piece of paper in a journal.  It's not even as if I kept a regular journal, so why?

I will really never recall why I started writing things on a blog.  Eventually, as time went on, I tried to write every day on this blog.  A lot of it was nonsense, just words to fill an arbitrary personal quota.  Some of it got me in a bit of trouble, in one way or another.  Some of it, when rereading, is just sad because I was, for a long period, suffering from depression.  Some posts are sad because I miss the subject of the blog...be it a person, or a thing, or a lifestyle that no longer exists.  And again, as time went on, life got busy and I just couldn't get my words on the screen anymore.  Eventually, I had felt as if I outgrew the blog.  I would often reread something and think of how foolish or childish it all sounded.  But, it was still an outlet for me, a place to go and write a thing I would not want to forget.  Here today, it is serving that purpose...

I recall some time ago being afraid of people reading what I had once written on this goofy blog.  I thought of getting rid of all of it.  What would students think when they found my previous posts?  What if my family, or egads, my child, found these?  What if new friends or coworkers found these?  I decided it wasn't worth worrying about because no one spends time reading old blog posts.  And if they did, so what?  It'd be an insight to who I have been, they better leave a comment.  I decided to keep the blog, old posts and all.  When I needed it, it would be there.

And so, here I am today, just after the new year thinking of the things I should write down so as not to forget.  You see, I only seem to come here when I'm sad, need to get something off my chest and vent, or desperately needing to save memories...you know, the real nostalgic stuff.  Today, I use my blog in just that way.

You might also wonder why I've spent so much time writing all the previous words in this particular post.  Recall paragraph 3.  By writing a lot, you, the reader, have most likely already stopped reading.

So, 2018 semi-summary:  I still miss my brother.  In fact, I miss several people that are gone.  I have been consumed with thoughts of how terrifying it will be for me if another close person dies, or if I should die.  I have had some really tricky projects at work, and I have survived them, so far.  I have not been watching my health.  I plan to do better with this in the future.  I have read a lot of books, and they have ranged from WWII spies to books outside of my comfort zone, as well as recommendations.  I keep trying to remember to add them to Goodreads, I usually forget.  My child is learning to read, not without some difficulty.  She does well at math, she loves math.  I've really tried to focus on my finances and managing debt.  I cleaned out a defunct office and found a lot of keepsakes.  I wish I had kept up with my friends more this past year, but I also don't regret taking "me time".  I want to try and write more things...no long posts, just quick thoughts more often.  My child no longer uses a booster seat in the car.  She's growing up and it gives me anxiety.  I don't like change, I don't want to lose her to age, I cannot control this and must let it go.  I want to read more, I need your suggestions.  I finally started watching The Man in the High Castle, a show BOTH my brothers felt I needed to watch.  I'm enjoying it, I need more of these suggestions.  I've listened to a LOT of podcasts.  I need your suggestions.  I plan to purge a lot of things in my house...old stuff or things I have too much of...I've already started doing this, it makes me feel nostalgic and then I end up here.  Early in 2018, I started relearning German.  I studied German for 4 years in school and as I relearn it, I'm shocked at what I could forget.  Forgetting things makes me think I need to write things down and I end up here.  I ended up having a couple of medical issues, one resulting in physical therapy.  So far, all is well.  I did not teach in 2018.  I was supposed to over the summer but that did not happen.  I was asked to teach in the fall and I was just so busy I could not.  I have volunteered a lot, with my child's school and with my professional organization.  I enjoy it, but damn is it exhausting.  I went to a TMBG show, a Dropkicks/Flogging Molly show, to Branson, to the Zoo field trip, camping in Missouri, camping in Indiana, Lake of the Ozarks, Mexico, Dixon (IL), and Moline (IL).  I camped with my cousin, Chris' mom was sick that same weekend and it was scary.  His grandfather passed away.

All in all, 2018 was not terrible, in many cases very good and I hope I can say that for 2019.  I hope, if you stuck around long enough you can say that too.  In fact, I hope you can say that 2018 was all around amazing.