End of a Decade

I'm over half way through my day as it's 2:30 p.m. as I write this, which means I only have a handful of hours left of my 30's.  I have never been more paranoid and superstitious as I have been today.  Why?  I feel like a medieval curse has been cast upon my family and we are destined to die during the 39th year of our lives.   Laugh as you will but at this point in my life, I have made it longer in life than my father and older brother, both perishing during the 39th year of their lives.  So, maybe that curse was meant for the men, but paranoid I am!  

However, despite my constant fear of Final Destination-like occurrences today, I've been living it up in the final hours of my 30's.  Sure, it's true, I came to work today, so "living it up" may be relative, but it's true.  It's been a good day.  I don't have big plans tomorrow to celebrate the changing of decades, nor do I have big plans to celebrate Mother's Day.  But I do have some fun things to do with friends and family and to be honest...I'm happy to know I made it this far.  Remember, living every day is an honor and privilege and is not guaranteed.  It's taken me some time to really pay attention to that and losing my brother hit hard enough to make me realize it.  Every day that I make it through and wake up to another, I'm thankful.

I know that it will hit me sometime tonight or tomorrow that I won't be celebrating with my brother, whose birthday I was happy to share for 38 years of our time together.  10 years ago he was with me to celebrate the beginning of my 30's.  And yet, here I am without him.   I won't lie, it's hard.  Maybe it's a thing I should be able to get over, but I haven't, I can't.  I admit though, my dread of another birthday without him has at least made me realize, I can still celebrate for him.  For all the years he can't be here with me, I will always think of him.  I will always celebrate for him.  He will never be forgotten on what was his special day, too.  And one day, it might be easier.

So there you have it, the 30's have come, gone, and even taught me something!  See you in the 40's!