Christmas 2020

I'm feeling rather blue this Christmas. I get this way every year, but this year is especially hard.  Every year I feel as though things will never be the same, and this year I feel smothered by that feeling.

Keep chugging along I suppose...

Christmastime 2020

 Christmastime this year feels way harder than other years.  Maybe not as bad as the year my brother died.  Perhaps not as bad as the year my dad died, but thankfully, it's far enough in history for me to not remember.  Anyway, it feels hard this year.  It feels lonely.  It feels disjointed.  It feels forced.  I don't normally have this issue but this year....this weird year...I'm pushing myself into this season in ways I didn't have to before.

I realize part of it has to do with working-from-home, being more isolated than I might otherwise.  It has to do with anxiety about unknowns (how will the future go, will I still have a job, do I have to go back to the office, will my loved ones prevail against the ominous COVID...).  It has to do with over-spending.  It has to do with over-eating and not exercising enough.  It has to do with no closure (seeing people daily to not seeing them at all).  It has to do with my general mental health always waning.

But alas, time ticks on and so must we...

So, here's to some positives:

• I don't have to drive to the office every day and I get to work from home.  
• My kiddo is doing well, learning in person, and so far, staying safe.
• I am so fortunate to still have a job, and an interesting one at it (not always in love with it, but intrigued).
• I have been walking and talking with/to friends each week...something I had not been doing until COVID Quarantine.

Here's to hopefully getting words down more often.

Until then,

Steph

Christmas 2013

I had anticipated this Christmas to be the best I have ever had.  Think of all those times as a child that you woke up early, ran to the tree to see the most amazing display of gifts splayed before you…that feeling you had at that moment…that is what I expected times ten.  This is the first year my child would really experience this and I felt like I would experience this too through her eyes.  I expected to have the excitement of sitting around the tree and divvying gifts to family and watching each other open gifts to see the happiness, laughter, and full-on merriment that ensues.

That is not what I got.

I do not want it to seem as though I had a terrible Christmas or that something tragic occurred because neither was the case, it simply didn't meet my expectations, and there lies the rub.

To begin I should note that I have not stuck with many of my Christmas traditions this year.  I did not send out Christmas cards.  I did not decorate the house (aside from the tree and stockings).  I did not do as much baking this year.  We did not go see Santa Claus this year.  However, the traditions I did upkeep have been great: a homemade holiday dress for Lil Bit (her favorite one so far); baking cookies (but this year with my mom too); our newest tradition: Domino’s pizza for Christmas dinner (with a big tip to the driver)! 

I have been in a crabby mood this season because of a combination of things but I have managed to hold myself together.  Giving gifts always makes me a happier person so when I've been down, I've gone out and bought some gifts.  Some game playing with relatives on Christmas Eve cheered me up greatly.  I felt like the culmination of the season would be when my child, now old enough to appreciate the season (or the commercial part of it anyway), would run into the living room, see the gifts & turn to me squealing with delight that Santa left her so many delightful (and beautifully wrapped) packages.

Instead of this delightful vision of the day, Lil Bit awoke at 5:30 AM whining.  The whine signals the start of a 30-minute-minimum inconsolable tantrum.  Distractions would not work, not even the temptation of opening gifts.  Because of her behavior, we did not get to open presents right away (in fact, it was several hours later).  I cried because my dream felt ruined. 

It ended up not being ruined.  She was still delighted with her gifts (even though she asked for a new TV and did not get one she did get a LeapPad that plays LeapPad videos).  She was enthralled with all the gifts that were hers to open and each gift was amazing to her.  Her grandparents came to visit and she squealed with delight at those gifts as well.  I was delighted that the dress I made for Lil Bit was the dress she has wanted to wear the most this season.  Every chance she gets to wear it, she does.  In her mind, it is a princess’ dress.

The most redeeming part of the entire day is when my mom opened her gift from Lil Bit, a mug that had her hand prints on it.  It made my mom tear up and it was the sweetest thing I have seen all season.  I spent the rest of my day playing with Lil Bit's new toys and it was amazing how good it felt; as if everything was in its place and while I did not have the Christmas I expected, I am glad I went along with the one I was given.

I hope everyone had a lovely holiday season!

Christmastime 2011

While this wasn't Dani's first Christmas, I like to think of it as her first REAL Christmas since she was just over a month old in 2010 and could only see lights. This year, she could play with and enjoy her presents as well as the lights, the tree, the ornaments, and family gatherings. While I haven't written anything over there on the Baby Blog, be sure to pop on over in the near future as I'm sure to include some highlights!

As for my Christmas, aside from the virus my computer got (from a blog they say?), the cold that I got (not terrible though) and the teething Dani is suffering (molars, what a bitch!) it was great.  I got an amazing new sewing machine from Chris and a great sewing basket (that is to be my next project) from my mom.  I got some gift cards, pajamas, a bracelet made by my Uncle Kirk, and of course some delish food and time with friends and family.  Festivities are actually not over yet either.

I should also mention, while this isn't something I got for Christmas, it was something that I received around Christmas, and that was news that I passed my Professional Engineering Licensing Exam, which officially makes me a licensed engineer in the State of Missouri.  We celebrated at work!

A lot of people have asked me how this changes things for me.  For starters, it's a huge relief, one thing marked off my list, one less test I have to take (yes, I still have more testing for some specific other states), and a bit of an accomplishment for myself as I get to add the letters PE to the end of my name and remove the EIT.  In terms of work, it may mean little for now as I don't have any Missouri projects that I can sign and seal drawings for at this time.  Perhaps in the future I will add some states or projects for which I am responsible and then I will sign and seal drawings.  Pay doesn't really change for me, nor do my tasks, but they could potentially for the future.  One thing though that has changed, I personally can be sued.  Before I was working directly for a PE, who was the responsible party, now I am.  That's not so great, but oh well, with all good things there are some bad things.

Now, onto other things, like sewing...here are a few pictures of things I've made recently, new gifts, and planned projects...

Insulated Horseshoe Tote with magnetic closure given as a gift

Insulated Lunch Tote with button closure made with scrap materials

My new Bernina sewing machine!

Plans for my sewing basket - making inserts

NaBloPoMo Day 28 Post 28 - Your Favorite Ornaments

Tomorrow, @ironstef and I will be making ornaments! I recall making these as a child. Sometimes we painted ceramic Santas. Often we made construction paper cut outs. One of the ornaments I recall most (and wonder if it still hangs on mom's tree) is a blue one dad helped us make from a kit. I think we wrapped polystyrene with blue cloth, then applied gold trim and pins to it. It was a favorite of most of the ornaments we had on the tree with the exception of each "first Christmas" ornament.

So this brings me to wonder, of the ornaments that are placed on your tree (if you trim trees that is), what are your favorites and why?

NaBloPoMo Day 27 Post 27 - Decorations

I will not lie to you about my general zest (or often lack thereof) for holidays. There are a few I get terribly excited about, those being Halloween and St. Pat's Day. Many will argue that neither are holidays. Well send those bitches my way and I'll argue. I like to argue assuming the context is neither religious or political. Holidays though, send the bitches my way! Also if the subject is China, I'm in for that argument too. Anyway, back to my point. Normally I am one of those curmudgeons that wander about the store complaining loudly about rude people, about how Christmas time is about greed these days, about annoying shoppers, about carts in my way, about screaming children, about bad parenting of said screaming children. You get the idea...I'm just a curmudgeon!

I wasn't born or reared this way. Both of my parents, religious as they were, taught us to be thankful for what we had. We were taught to be respectful and kind. We also got the religious hoopla as well. I admit to no longer celebrating Christmas and the like as a religious holiday. I do however take this time to celebrate my loved ones; my family and friends that have been kind to me and supportive of me. So I suppose when I walk into a store and see kids wandering aimlessly while their parents are off looking for the best deal on a plasma TV, I get angry. I become irate when I say excuse me and get scowled at for having manners. I become the curmudgeon!

Anyway, I had a point here before I trailed off...my point is that despite my dislike for Christmas hoopla, I do enjoy the traditions that make me recall the days of yore; the Christmas tree with home made ornaments, hand-me-downs, and grade school creations; stockings with our names painted on them; the Christmas candy bowl my father decorated as a child; the reindeer candles I bought my mom from school; even the cheesy sweatshirts! So to begin the day, here are my Christmas socks:


For my family, the traditional day to decorate for Christmas was the day after Thanksgiving when we'd all help put the tree up. So, as this is the traditional day for me, here is my tree...


And as I prefer the home made nostalgic ornaments as opposed to the ornate store bought, here is my craft project to expand my current collection of Steph's home made ornaments along with Grandpa's hand carved ornaments, past gifts, and my collage of hodge-podge sheep and pig ornaments found along the ages!