Closing Out 2020, Almost

 The end of 2020 is almost here.  I feel terrible saying this but I think I will miss it.  I had a friend die, I had a friend that was seriously ill and countless others with diagnosed COVID as well as many friends that are now jobless.  And yet I have the nerve to say that I might miss it?

It's tough really...  

I loved working from home for so many reasons:

• School drop off and pick-ups
• More time with my kiddo
• More meals cooked at home
• More walks in the neighborhood
• More time reading
• More time enjoying things with my family
• No awful commute to/from the office with panic setting in that I'll be late for work or home
• Flexible hours

I know that so many are suffering and it's terrible of me to want to hang on to the happy thoughts I have of my new arrangement.  To be fair, I have terrifying and stressful thoughts too: of getting covid, my loved ones getting covid (some of those potentially unwell enough to not make it through), losing my job, that's to name just a few...

I know I'm not alone...I know so many others in my situation feel the same or similar.

Anyway, I read a book by Josie Silver in which the main character starts the story discussing the moments you let slip by because you don't know they are moments until it's too late.  One of her prime examples is the last time you hold your small child and then they're too big to be held.  I think about that often and I don't want those moments to pass (inevitable many just have to pass simply because you don't know they are moments).  I feel worried about going back to the office and losing some of those moments.  The last time I help my child with spelling, or the last time I wave to another parent in the parking lot...being in the office means I might gain moments with some colleagues, but I will miss so many others.  That alone, almost more than the others hurts me the most.  

So yes, that's why I say silly things like I will miss 2020.  But alas, I try to find the positive so I can fake it until I make it...and I look forward to sitting in my mom's house watching TV, or walking next to a friend without a mask on, sitting at the dinner table with friends and family.  Find the positives Steph.