Closing Out 2020, Almost

 The end of 2020 is almost here.  I feel terrible saying this but I think I will miss it.  I had a friend die, I had a friend that was seriously ill and countless others with diagnosed COVID as well as many friends that are now jobless.  And yet I have the nerve to say that I might miss it?

It's tough really...  

I loved working from home for so many reasons:

• School drop off and pick-ups
• More time with my kiddo
• More meals cooked at home
• More walks in the neighborhood
• More time reading
• More time enjoying things with my family
• No awful commute to/from the office with panic setting in that I'll be late for work or home
• Flexible hours

I know that so many are suffering and it's terrible of me to want to hang on to the happy thoughts I have of my new arrangement.  To be fair, I have terrifying and stressful thoughts too: of getting covid, my loved ones getting covid (some of those potentially unwell enough to not make it through), losing my job, that's to name just a few...

I know I'm not alone...I know so many others in my situation feel the same or similar.

Anyway, I read a book by Josie Silver in which the main character starts the story discussing the moments you let slip by because you don't know they are moments until it's too late.  One of her prime examples is the last time you hold your small child and then they're too big to be held.  I think about that often and I don't want those moments to pass (inevitable many just have to pass simply because you don't know they are moments).  I feel worried about going back to the office and losing some of those moments.  The last time I help my child with spelling, or the last time I wave to another parent in the parking lot...being in the office means I might gain moments with some colleagues, but I will miss so many others.  That alone, almost more than the others hurts me the most.  

So yes, that's why I say silly things like I will miss 2020.  But alas, I try to find the positive so I can fake it until I make it...and I look forward to sitting in my mom's house watching TV, or walking next to a friend without a mask on, sitting at the dinner table with friends and family.  Find the positives Steph.

The End of the Teens

It always seems unreal to me when the end of the year arrives.  Sometimes I feel accomplished, usually, I don't, and 99% of the time, I've already forgotten what transpired.  This year is different (although I'm still not sure what all transpired).  I know it's because we're leaving the teens behind and entering the 20's so it feels more dramatic.  I also know it's because I'm feeling too nostalgic.  When I thought about Christmas this year, it occurred to me that this could be my midpoint of Christmas' where my child is at home on Christmas morning.

I always overthink these things.  I don't want my child to stay young forever, but I also don't want her growing up.  It's an age-old problem for most parents...the best part is watching your children grow...the hardest part is watching your children grow.

We're also entering the "doldrums".  It's that time of year when holiday's stall and days out of work are slim.  It's dreary out with cold gray days.  I dread it really, but there's plenty to keep me busy, so onward we march with at least a slight smile.

So what transpired in 2019...well, the year started off with terrible bloodwork from my doctor which carried through the whole year.  Liver enzymes are up as well so I have to monitor that (liver enzymes hadn't been tested in ages, so I'm assuming those tanked when I just stopped trying to eat well).  I have, what I believe to be, tendonitis in my left foot which makes walking rough sometimes.  Rest helps, as well as stretching before I have to walk.  That developed around September of this year.  The kiddo is now in third grade and loving it.  I am still the PTO's secretary, a job which I sort of loathe (if anyone tells you the PTO/PTA is not filled with drama, they clearly don't know what they are talking about).  Helping the school though, that's wonderful!  At the end of 2018-2019 school year, the kiddo got to go to the Science Center with her 2nd-grade teacher, which was fun.   We have gone a couple times this year as well, including our work party which rented out the planetarium (it was amazing).  I ended up traveling a bit this year.  In May, the kiddo and I flew to Fargo, ND followed up by a two-hour drive to my sister's town in Minnesota.  We were there for her son's high school graduation.  While there we also went to the beginning of the Mississippi River, which, despite being cliche, was very cool to experience.  The trip home was interesting since our flight was delayed (sat on the plane for hours) followed up by the flight getting canceled and we had to fly home the following day.  It was a fiasco, and we were so glad to be home...but the overall trip was wonderful.  I also flew to Orlando for a girls' trip (R., E., and myself) where we had some fun in Disney, and drank ourselves around the world in Epcot.  We failed in our efforts and had to return the following day to get the job done (I blame Mexico).  We had our final camping season in Indiana (Indiana Beach).  It was our one and only camping trip of the year and we then sold the camper.  Let me rephrase, we (C.) traded in his truck and the camper for a Jeep.  It's bittersweet, but overall, I can't say I'm devastated.  We took our annual trip to Moline for Christmas.  I worked at (and attended) the steel conference in St. Louis this year.  I am helping plan the Structures Congress for 2020 (though I'm not sure what you can claim "help" is) and I continued to help plan and work at our local conference.  Piano for the kid is still ongoing, as is martial arts.

What is there to look forward to in 2020: well, another trip to Disney (our family and E.'s family) followed up by another trip to Florida in the summer (beach trip, same travelers).  Piano will still resume and hopefully, the kiddo will acquire her black belt this year.  Her first opportunity to test is March.  I look forward to actually trying to focus on my health, though, I say that every year.  I also look forward to trying to relax a bit more (depends on how this belt testing goes).  I'd love to be cliche and say I'll meet up with friends more, or read more, or write more...but that probably won't happen.  I will probably craft more (new Cricut for Christmas).  I don't know that this next thing is a thing I'm looking forward to necessarily (I was, but my team members are not very good team members) but I am working on a high profile project that I am super excited to be involved in with a company I didn't anticipate working with...the world is weird that way.  I don't/can't elaborate, but it's interesting. 

So, I hope your teens and your 2019 were great.  I hope your 20's are even better!

Eye Contact

Today was a beautiful day; sunny, warm, and breezy (that's an understatement).  I went out at lunch to mail something and to escape the office.  It's a change to leave my desk where I eat breakfast and lunch.  I relished it though, the opportunity to take some deep breaths and fill my lungs with fresh cool air that smells of early spring.  That smell that is so hard to describe, the smell of fresh grass and early blooming flowers that are barely fragrant but just enough to sense them.  I miss those days.  A few years ago I walked every lunch, where I'd make my way to one of a few favorite spots to snack and read for 20 minutes and spend the rest of my hour walking.  I have only recently gained the opportunity to continue that routine, and it may perhaps be the thing that saves my sanity, again.

I noticed when I was walking that I do something I may have always known about but not really acknowledged.  When I walk by someone, I tend to give them a small nod and smile...but I almost do it to such a degree that I force them to make eye contact.  Perhaps it stems from my paranoid behavior of scanning anyone I meet on the street so that I may identity them in a police line up.  Or maybe it's my need to be seen and known.  Maybe I am just very kind and I want people to know I am saying hi to them.  Nah, probably not that last one.

2011 Blizzard Fake-Out

It's been a long time since I really posted any updates. For good reasons, I just haven't had time. I've transitioned into a life of balancing work and motherhood. It's confusing and stressful to say the least. If I ever had much time around the house to write, it's short lived and few and far between. I'm fairly busy at work so I can't fit in a blog. I typically eat lunch while I work, or take a short lunch because I have to make up time that had been spent pumping through out the day. So, as you can infer, writing just does not fit into the picture much these days.

You may now be asking yourself why I'm writing now. You see, we've just experienced the 2011 Blizzard Fake-Out. For those of us in the immediate St. Louis area, we were supposed to have a blizzard and ended up with about 3 inches of ice, no-to-minimal snow [I am still hoping to have power despite this fake-out, ice on the lines with heavy winds scares me, watch out Eva, you may have company]. Yesterday I stayed home because of the ice, but today I came into work (compliments of Chris' four wheel drive). I am currently one of about eight people. I figure I can use this time to catch up.

With that said, be sure to head over to baby-blog to catch up on the latest of Dano-dano since I plan on posting today.

As for the rest of us, we're doing good. About a week ago we had 9 inches of snow, you should have seen poor Bella going outside. She used her chest to barrel through the snow, and the poor thing didn't want to squat to pee (would you want to shove your tush into freezing snow to take a leak?). We were excited with the aniticipation of 20+ inches of snow, something to rival the blizzard of 1982. It just didn't pan out for us. Others in the Missouri and Northern Illinois area did see the blizzard, but not us. We were, to say the least, a bit dissappointed.

Since I can't really talk much about how exciting this blizzard is (either positive or negative excitement), I figure I'll go back in time to 1982! I was 3 years old when that storm hit so my memories are vague, but I do recall a few things. I remember being bundled in a snow suit, making a giant snow ball with neighbors, and my mom getting a ride to work with her boss. I have very fond memories of that snowfall. Were you around for the 1982 blizzard? What do you remember about it?

Exhausting Day

Today was an exhausting day but productive. I brought a work laptop home to work from home for a few days. Assuming I don't give birth tomorrow (hypothetically speaking), I plan on this routine for the next few weeks. Office M-W; Home Th-F. I'll be working off my desktop through a remote connection on the laptop I've borrowed. It's actually pretty cool.

Tomorrow is my mom's birthday, so tonight, after leaving a great NST, Chris and I went up to E-ville to pick up her gift. While in E-ville, we picked up a deck box to put all the pool gear in for the end of summer.

I also got some good news from work...beyond working from home. I won't dwell on it though.

I also packed most of my bag for the hospital (partially because I needed to, partially because I'm paranoid today, and partially because Chris got my bag out of storage for me to pack it).

On the crappy news front, E. failed her 1 hour glucose test, so tomorrow she'll be doing the 3 hour test.

All right, with all that said, I'm out of here, sleep is to be had!

I Voted

Today was productive. I got an ample amount of work done in the office, I had a smooth doctor's visit, and I got to eat Mexican at the newly reopened Carrisillos Mexican!

To top it all off, I voted.

I purchased Chris' birthday gift, got Eva's baby shower gift in the mail, am now blogging while resting with the babies (who are snorting loudly) in bed (I also snuck in a bowl of ice cream).

Do You Ever Feel OCD? Do You? Do You?

In random conversation at work today, I mentioned that one of my fears is losing my hair. I don't know why, it's just one of those things I fear (not quite as bad as drowning of course, and people with masks and painted faces). Crystal mentioned that she had read somewhere about symptoms of obsessive compulsive disorder (ocd) and in these symptoms was a small list of common fears of which hair loss was one. I certainly won't disagree that I can tend to be obsessive compulsive though I wouldn't say it's extreme. In fact, I think we all fall into the OCD category at times as a way to control the things that happen to us for which I find cognitive therapy helpful. Regardless, it got me wanting to look up symptoms and odd facts...so I thought I'd share! Here you are...

Preoccupied with details, rules, lists, order, organization, or schedules to the extent that the major point of the activity is lost. ..

Excessively devoted to work and productivity to the exclusion of leisure activities and friendships...

Unable to discard worn-out or worthless objects even when they have no sentimental value...

Shows significant rigidity and stubbornness...

Themed self obsessions such as fear of contamination or dirt; aggressive or horrific impulses; doubts that you've locked the door or turned off the stove; dermatitis because of frequent hand washing; hair loss or bald spots because of hair pulling..

Okay, making that list was fun, now off to bed so I can list things in alphabetical order until I fall asleep. :)



Side note...posted over at BabyBlog

Ever Have One of Those Days

You know things are getting confusing when you get a flow chart on how to do something, and you realize you are going to need a lesson on how to read the flow chart...



This of course comes from coworker Jeff who I believe dreams in flowcharts...he is a construction manager afterall! In fact, later, when I questioned his need for a doctor he confirmed he does in fact dream of spreadsheets, flowcharts, and piles of dirt! Nice work though Jeff!

Venti Wishard

Today is one of those days I could vent for quite some time here on the blog. It wasn't a bad day per say, nor was it stressful per say...it was just...hectic. A meeting from 9am to 3 pm with an impromptu hour long conference call at quarter after 4. Hectic...

Anyway, the day long meeting was pretty neat actually. It was our Clash Detection Kickoff meeting for the Wishard project I'm working on these days. We're using Navisworks to do this, and it's just amazing to see how everything has come together!

Curious about my project Wishard? Well, it's a replacement hospital in Indianapolis, Indiana. Here's the rendering of what the building looks like... [from thenewwishard.org]



You can even check out the webcam at this link: http://oxblue.com/pro/open/netwise/wishard



On a side note...I wrote about baby stuff today at stephysite-baby.blogspot.com

A Couple of Chuffing Questions

It's been a real fucked up day. My computer program hates me and is using Chinese symbols for my icons/buttons.



I was told to uninstall and re-install to fix the problem. Great! I'm so thrilled you told me that Bentley! Of course, considering some of the things that are happening around me to people I know, I should really stop bitching! I like to bitch about stuff though. I really like to bitch about China!

Here's my real point to writing today! I'm doing a gift exchange with friends. The gift needs to be generic and non-gender specific. In addition to said gift, I am including a small home made gift. What I would like are some ideas! What would you like that is small and relatively cheaply priced?? Small bottle of alcohol? Wine? Calendar? Crossword puzzles? A block of cheese? "Don't Let The Pigeon Stay Up Late" book? [Preferably something I can find that is not made in China, thanks]

So, give me some ideas while I give you some words!

rock:

1. To use. To make do with, usually to great effect.

In use: We don't need you to make the spare bed, we can rock the couch.

2.Streetball term for the basketball.
3. A form of cocaine.

V-Card: Virginity. All virgins have a "V-card" until they "cash it in" for sex.
BA: Badass, pronounced as bee-ay (as opposed to bitch being bee-ya).

NOW, a word question for you! Twitter friend @ibificus used the word "chuffed". Having never heard the word before I looked it up and found several different meanings. Now I'm curious. How do you use the word "chuff/ed"?

chuffed=adjective British Informal. delighted; pleased; satisfied. [As in, I'm chuffed by stories with sheep!]

chuffed=adjective British Informal. annoyed; displeased; disgruntled. [As in, I get so freaking chuffed when people talk to me when my body language says "get the fuck away".]

chuff (chuffed, chuffing, chuffs)=verb. To produce or move with noisy puffing or explosive sounds. [As in, I really didn't want to move those boxes, so in point I chuffed through the task so everyone knew.]

chuff (chuffs)=noun. A noisy puffing or explosive sound, such as one made by a locomotive. [As in, well, you get the idea!]

[By the way, those of you following my blogs (all One of you), you might have noticed my lack of letter writing as I noted I would do...nice of you to notice...I'm a slacker, you should know that by now]

NaBloPoMo Day 21 Post 19 - Ska Brew

While I still insist that coworker Matt is a traitor and scoundrel for leaving HOK, I still felt compelled to buy my ska buddy some Ska Brewing Company beer. Here's what it looks like...




Other than that I have little to say this morning! Here's a word...
Queen's Boulevard: A major street in Queens that is known to be one of the most dangerous streets to cross in NYC. Queens Boulevard is a major commercial strip for many of the neighborhoods it cuts through, which includes Briarwood, Forest Hills, Rego Park, Elmhust, Woodside, Sunnyside, and Long Island City. Queens Boulevard is quite possibly the widest non highway in NYC. Through much of its stretch, it's a 12 lane multi-median divided street. Queens Boulevard starts off at Jamaica Avenue in Jamaica, Queens and goes all the way to the Queensboro bridge and to Manhattan.

NaBloPoMo Day 19 Post 16 - The Extent of My Design Abilities

I was asked to make a poster for the structures group. I was given 10 photos to use. The rest was up to me to make up. This is the extent of my design abilities...sad to say, but at least I got to mark a task off my list!

[click here for large version]

I'm an engineer, not a graphic designer, what more could you expect??

Word...
Kentucky doorbell: To drive up to someone's house or apartment and proceed to honk the horn until they come out rather than exiting the vehicle and going to the door.

P.S. I was asked what the small structure in front of (and inside the circle) was (shown in construction)... after some research I found out that it is a cistern for collecting rainwater. It was designed by another company.

NaBloPoMo Day 15 Post 12 - Delayed Jack

I'm terrible at keeping up with this posting you see! Ah well, one more thing I'm lousy at, just add her to the list! So when I came in to write today I thought I'd go back through my old unposted compositions, of which I found the following...

Imagine if you will, a large Jack-in-the-box. No, not the kind that is associated with fast food; but instead a very colorful toy! Imagine it to be about 10 feet high (or about 2 times your height) with the same length and width. The very colorful and giant box is decorated with all sorts of crazy images of your desire and has a crank to one side for winding up the Jack that lazily rests inside waiting to startle you as he wishes. I'm sure you can think of all sorts of interesting ways to turn the crank if you just let your mind wander. My first thought is to stand on a stool with the crank at its highest position; jump onto the crank and let the kinetic energy from the ride down carry it back up. Return to the top and repeat! The music to go along is certainly very much like circus music! Anyway, let's fast forward to the point where Jack comes hurdling out of the box! Let's say that Jack jumps out and in doing so, throws handfuls and really more like cannonfuls of confetti! But let's pretend that every piece of confetti has to be picked up and put back into the box!

You see, this is how I feel about a particular job I am working on, in fact, the phrase in today's meeting that made me think of this metaphor was "we have to put all the pieces back in the box". You might notice now how I jumped right to the Jack-in-the-box imagery. Of course in my imagery I see two or three men in suits running around at the box grabbing confetti like it's money, shoving it where they can to collect it all simply to get it back in the box. It won't matter to them if the confetti gets torn and trampled, so long as it ends up back in the box.

NaBloPoMo Day Ten Post Eight - Principles

First things first...if you are one of those people that reads things and then goes off and tells my mom, stop reading now. The poor woman doesn't need to worry about me more than she does already.

Ever since this whole attempted mugging of coworker Jim, I've been getting some flak about the time I leave work and my method of transportation. I feel the need to defend myself a bit, as if I'm being mugged, but rather of my principles than tangible items. It goes along with the ideology of terrorism such that if we change the ways we live to hide from terror, terrorists indeed defeat us. If I choose to change my life and the things I value, then I've been mugged (though no one gains anything)!

I choose to use public transit for a few reasons with the first being downright selfish! I don't like to drive. Other reasons consist of the lower cost, less mileage on my auto, perhaps better for the environment, lessened ease of traffic and downtown parking, etc. I refuse to change my principles for a scumbag.

As for the time I leave work, I guess I don't know what to say. I've been leaving earlier, but with winter here, it's dark regardless of the time I leave. Sometimes I NEED to stay late, sometimes I WANT to stay late (work-aholic? perhaps so), sometimes I am GUILTED into staying late. In any case, I'll try to leave when others do. It's the only change I feel good about making pertaining to all this flak.

With that said, I leave you to your word...
hug it out: To hug in order to help get over anger or sadness.

NaBloPoMo Day Nine Post Seven - Oops!

Okay, so by the title I would hope you could infer that I missed two posts. I would hope more so that you are one of my two readers that pay attention often enough to simply know that I missed two posts.

Anyway, I'm way off the course of topic which is "how and why I would miss blogging"! I would like to blame work, since it is after all overwhelming me these days! I cannot though. As you may know, I was off to Berkley, California for a couple of days for a volunteer meeting for SEI (Structural Engineering Institute) that I am involved in since I am the local St. Louis Chair. It's not grand. You could even go so far to say I am Chair only because I lost the election. To be true though, I enjoy it some times as I altruistically love structural engineering. Sorry, off track, I won't dwell there but will get back to my point. I returned on Saturday, my first missed blog day/post. I would have sent a short blog from my phone, but was traveling non-stop in such a manner that my phone was on airplane mode most of the day. When I did get back to St. Louis, it was late, and so I only got a chance to do anything besides move at around 10pm; at which time I crashed into bed holding on snugly to my dogs that I missed dearly. It didn't occur to me until later in the day Sunday that I'd missed a day. I had sort of made a silent vow to blog Sunday with an extra to make up for my mistake. Well, you see how that went!

None the less, the bloggity guilt has overwhelmed me...and as such I will spend an enormous amount of time today catching up! Now is the time to either really try to focus with me, or to simply scroll to the bottom for your words!

-Thursday mom had surgery. She is doing well, but in a lot of pain. Thanks for all the well wishes!

-Thursday I flew out to Oakland, took the BART to the North Berkley station where I waited for a hotel shuttle to pick me up. Turns out two of the other meeting attendees were also waiting, so I got a head start meeting people!

-Friday I went to my meeting that went well. We then took off for a boat ride around the bay to look at the old, new, and still under construction Bay Bridge. I encourage you to go check out baybridgeinfo.org. We had a great guide and an all around great trip on the bay (despite my innate fear of water, I enjoyed myself). See pictures below.

-Upon returning to the hotel (that sits in a marina) I discovered that I didn't need to go to any meetings that evening, but only to a dinner that was several hours away. I decided to take that time to go for a jog in a nearby park, Cesar Chavez Park (see below for location and pictures). While jogging I literally had to stop to catch my breath from the over powering view. At the North end of the park as one turns the corner from the East, you can see out over the bay to the mountains, to Yogi Bear Island (see a map for real Island name), to the Golden Gate and Bay bridges, and even to San Fransisco. Breath.Taking!

- I flew home on Saturday leaving some meetings early. Saturday was the 7th, my anniversary. Considering how this year has gone, it's a small miracle we've even made it to three years. I choose not to air laundry on my blog, not the place nor the time. But, it should be noted that we did have a third anniversary and I did make it home for part of it!

- Sunday was a gorgeous day that started by taking the dogs to meet Amanda and Lou in a dog park in Edwardsville. They were worn out pretty quick, thankfully! From there we took the pooches home to then headed over to Kitchen Conservatory where I bought a knife as a gift, but the best part was that it was made in Germany (not China). I also bought some Vanilla Extract Paste.

-I made a small donation here...

Donate Here!

Words...
disco nap: Sleeping when you have something going later on that you need to get ready for.
Kraft singles: Dollar bills. Derived from another slang term that refers to money as "cheese".
audible: To make an unexpected, last-minute decision. This definition is derived from its meaning in football.

I Never Match

You've heard me complain for some time about my inability to match...here is yet more proof. I just don't think is my problem...I grab a shirt I like and some favorite socks and shoes...and thus you get this...

I can't write for very long since I'm under the gun for a deadline; but since I have a few minutes to spare I thought I'd update you on a few things. [My blogs seem to be turning into these bulleted crap lists these days]

I won't be Strawberry Shortcake for Halloween, long story short, no time to craft.

Yesterday (the 25th) was like one long Kids In The Hall skit [gosh I loved that show]! There was some discussion of a building wearing a pompadour; some odd men who intrigued me and Mike C.; a fog and lights show; "Members Only" jackets; candy necklaces; pumpkin cookies; and some people that were special.

I saw the movie Where The Wild Things Are, and frankly, I think you all should see it.

All right then, I've got to vamoose, so some words...
fornever:

1. never occuring, nor having the potential to do so.
2. A nonexistent period of time

chimplify: simplification to the extreme; making somethihng so simple a monkey could understand it. Usually made in reference to a clueless employer.
emoment: A point in time when an individual engages in whining, complaining, or otherwise self-pitying behavior around others, usually in search of pity. Combination of "emo" and "moment".
doorknob: An easy girl who sleeps around; so called because everyone gets a turn.

Finally, The Results Are In...

Well, it's been a while since I've written, and you can all blame work for that! I've been working 12/13 hour days most days for about a month now. I've also got a lot of personal stuff going on too. I've been wanting to get around to writing some more, but just can't seem to find time. Since we hit a deadline yesterday, I'm making time to post! Here we go...

So much for polls, they only tell me what I already know!

First the results of the brownie poll. My question was, "what is the best part of the brownie", and your choices where, "corner", "middle", or "edge".
....and the winner is....

Corner

I already knew that though!

The second of polls had to do with a dog contest I was participating in and did not win. I had asked you all to help me choose a photo to submit, your choices were the following:




As you may be aware, there was a tie between Bella as a puppy and Riley with a corncob. The whole point of this poll was to help me decide but instead the poll only narrowed my options down to the two photos I had already really decided on...oh well!

The picture I chose to submit was Riley with the corncob. As I mentioned, we didn't win, *sigh*! Thanks for participating though, that was great fun, wasn't it?!

If you read my last blog, about cat pee, you might be interested to know that I've received a nickname based upon that very true and sad story! Bernie has dubbed me "la reyenita de la gata orina" which translates to "Little Queen of Cat Pee"!

Ahead now with words...and speaking of words, I heard one today that gave me a chill along my spine! Parlance...now most of us have heard the word parley...and so parlance is just a variation on that word (which means vernacular; vernacular is the term I more commonly use in lieu of parlance). Parley comes from parle which I believe is the sourced from parable (you know, the stories told to teach us stuff, like "don't cry wolf"). I of course heard the word on Twitter [where else do I socialize?] from @ibificus: "I think it's what would be called, in modern parlance, an epic fail. http://tr.im/B61y The laughing cop makes it". Did you get a chilly spine?

Okay, off to the urban words yo (I owe you many):
microvisit: The real-world equivalent of microblogging. Stopping by to talk to someone for 140 seconds or less. [Here's a funny video about this...from @That1EBD]
renob: "Boner" spelled backwards; a less derogatory way to coll someone a boner.
less than three: The literal form of <3; which is in turn supposed to represent a sideways heart (love). [I've wondered if "<3" is love; is "< B" broken hearted?? But after entering that in, I realize the compy only sees it as bold text, oh well]
lickle: To tickle by licking.
phishing: Tricking people so you can steal their personal information. Usually done over the Internet.
askusation: A question and an accusation.

Worried Over-Protective Friend?

..thunk-thunk..thunk-thunk..thunk-thunk...that's the sound of my plaid chucks as they slap the concrete walkways of the empty office. They seem louder than normal, probably because it's so quiet, but also perhaps because I walk with a heavy thud when I'm depressed. I shouldn't be depressed, after all I ran a lot this weekend. Yesterday I did my first 5k, today I ran 2 miles. This entire weekend I've eaten more chocolate than I ever should have thought about consuming for an entire month [but really that is a depressing thought]. I even got some shopping done for clothes that fit a bit better!

But, alas, I am depressed. I've worked most of the weekend on a building that I am starting to hate [cantilevers are the bane of my existence]. I'd love to talk more about it, but due to some confidentiality contracts, I can't tell you anything about it.

I'm also really worried about my friend Shane. I haven't heard from him in some time. I don't expect to hear from him; I won't really ever hear from him until he needs something from me. It's sort of how it works, user (him), usee (me)...I'm sure some of you can relate to at least being one or the other, dragged along in some hopeless charade. That is despite the point; my point is that normally he at least checks his e-mail and responds with some insignificant arrogant remark; often he at least posts some video of some song to entertain himself; or perhaps at least signs in to myspace. I haven't seen him around anywhere. That worries me, I hope he is okay and perhaps just busy! I fear he could be in the hospital, which is not unheard of for him. I fear worse that he could be [gulp] dead. I know, I know, I know..."stop being a mom", stop thinking the worst", "gosh, can't a guy just get some air", "let go"....but when I'm having nightmares about it, I think you should understand it's a bit harder to just stop worrying than you think it is for me.

You've been there right, worrying? A lump in your throat, the constant inability to focus on a task, the chest aches...

I'm being silly right? Tell me I'm being a silly over-protective friend!

ANYWAY, back to anything else to talk about...I'm back at the office, to work in the dark, in the heat, and alone [the best way to be]. I have a mental list of things to hammer out before I leave tonight [that is a great visual, me, my hammer in hand, beating things to total uselessness, if you could only see my awful smirk].

I've got to get to it, so perhaps I will write more later, but until then, here is a word for the weekend's end...

reefy: Cool or awesome. Often preceded by "so" and used by surfers.

Quotes, Stories, and Other Things

Some quotes and stories, perhaps for your amusement!

• "Well, if you take that away, it's gone"-nameless engineer
  [Really?]

• Person 1: "...decontam?"
  Person 2: "Deacon Dam? What's this?"
  Person 1: "No no, DEE-CON-TAM..."
  Person 1: "Hmm, Deacon Dam, I don't know where this is."

• One fine summer day, Eva and I ate lunch at a place called Johnny Rocket's [or something of the sort], where they have really cool jukeboxes sitting on every table. Place a nickel in and choose a lovely 50's-60's genre tune with lunch!
  
  As it always goes with the two of us together, a small child was drawn to our power. [It happens often that children are drawn to staring at us, creeping over seats or under tables to look closer, have a chat, or even steal some food. We've grown accustomed to this behavior, so this incident here was no big deal]. A small boy, maybe 3-4 years old decided he wanted to play music. Of all the tables in the diner, empty or not, the boy chose to venture towards us with his nickel. He braced himself against our table doing a slight heaving motion to reach the box. He was literally hovering over our food and drinks struggling with all his might to get to play a song. His mother finally notices and gathers him up with much effort. He was determined to play a song, and not on any jukebox, our jukebox! I do not recall if he ever got to play a tune!

• Eva and I were eating dinner at a lovely place called Noodles & Co. one fine afternoon before catching the English Beat show. As we are minding our own business having a conversation Eva notices a small child creeping ever closer to us. We both began doing the side glances by the time he was sitting next to us staring. I turned to say hello to find the boy, Damien, very chatty. It didn't take any time to jump onto the "oddity" boat by asking me, "why is your head so small?", to which I could only laugh and cry a little!

• "..For the rest of us who generally live vicariously through the interactions of our 72 dpi avatars..." -@FrankieP

• "Gramma was hot....but that baby...uh, well not so much" -Amanda

• ...the past few years I had to tone down because of sexual harassment issues, but I used to be the kind of guy that would flirt with every female I worked with except for one. One day she called me on it and said that she'd use the excuse 'not my type' except usually 'not my type' means I think the husband looks like the kind of guy that would shoot a naked guy in the back if he saw him running away..." -anon

• "Yesterday we were talking about MPR calculations for a person taking a drug therapy. Basically its to measure a person’s adherence to their medication. Well the calculation is a rolling calc and is constantly moving.
  
  So we were talking about the Depression Medication Adherence and how the calculation is always moving. So Bobby is trying to explain how “the window for it is always moving”; Pete looks at me and says “that’s so they can’t jump out of it!”...-anon
  

• In reference to my loading diagram plans..."your work is pretty, but it tells me absolutely nothing" -Jim [thanks buddy, gave me a good laugh]

• A doodle...

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word...
Dirty Third: A synonym for the Dirty South; derived from the terms "Dirty South" and "Third Coast".

Still Alive ... My Dreams Encourage Otherwise

I had a [sadly] pleasant dream about the suicide rates of engineers and exam takers. I also have a vicious canker sore. I think these are both signs of severe stress. [Those are among other stressors I shall fail to mention here.] The good news though, is that with this level of stress, mosquitoes will leave my ass alone.

Now, on the note of asses I would like to mention to you that my language is part of me; as are my topics. I realize these may be inappropriate at times. If you find this to be the case, don't read anything I write. Simple answer! If you think your mom doesn't want you reading it, then you are probably too young to be on the computer.

Despite what you may believe, I am in a decent mood today, music is helping [as we speak, a little Sunday Girl by Blondie]. I think I'll recap how my week has been going thus far though...

...Monday, a day of meetings and an impromptu conference call...

Webex...woo...	Excitement!

...that led to the following...

Reminder Doodle	Random Phone Doodle
What??

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Yesterday I sat in meetings from noon until when I left and didn't get to pee at all, mind you this was after drinking loads of tea all morning! It produced the following kind of doodle...

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So now here we are on Wednesday and my brain is sucked dry so I wear the funkiest thing I can find, completely by accident...


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It's okay though. I've made it through some very rough days lately. Lots of crying, lots of anger, lots of stress. If I can get through this alive, I'm sure I'll have plenty more stories to tell.

I plan on blogging later to include some quotes of late; perhaps a story about me, eva, and odd children.

Please comment and leave me a link of some good comic, some interesting story, or even a video (music or show).

Thanks!

Word...
peace easy: A lovely combination of "peace out" and "take it easy" for those too lazy or too busy to say both. Double the meaning, half the time.