A Year Ago This Time

 A year ago this time, on a Monday, I took my daughter to school for her last day of in-person third grade.  My employer had already told us to work from home.  I took the day to go to the office of the company that I was on loan to, the last I would be in the office for what was originally "two weeks" ...where we would be told to work from home moving forward.  I gathered my things from that office, went to my main office to gather more things, and went home.  My daughter's school gave her two weeks' worth of school work and some Zoom meeting information. 

We started working from home on that Tuesday.  That week, all-in-all was good.  Being home meant safety and my family was all there.  Despite the fear of running out of toilet paper, food, cleaning supplies, etc., we were making it work.  I can't really complain about how it all turned out.  My gut told me that we would not return to normal in two weeks, and I was worried how it would all work out...but it did.

My daughter has been in school this year, with a million safety precautions.  I have been home for one year.  I really, truly, cannot complain.  I feel horrible about the loss of lives, the illnesses, the hopelessness for so many.  I am fortunate and lucky to have what I have, to have had a positive turn on this experience, and to still gain anything from this past year.  It is one I truly hope to never forget so I can always remember to put things in perspective.

Closing Out 2020, Almost

 The end of 2020 is almost here.  I feel terrible saying this but I think I will miss it.  I had a friend die, I had a friend that was seriously ill and countless others with diagnosed COVID as well as many friends that are now jobless.  And yet I have the nerve to say that I might miss it?

It's tough really...  

I loved working from home for so many reasons:

• School drop off and pick-ups
• More time with my kiddo
• More meals cooked at home
• More walks in the neighborhood
• More time reading
• More time enjoying things with my family
• No awful commute to/from the office with panic setting in that I'll be late for work or home
• Flexible hours

I know that so many are suffering and it's terrible of me to want to hang on to the happy thoughts I have of my new arrangement.  To be fair, I have terrifying and stressful thoughts too: of getting covid, my loved ones getting covid (some of those potentially unwell enough to not make it through), losing my job, that's to name just a few...

I know I'm not alone...I know so many others in my situation feel the same or similar.

Anyway, I read a book by Josie Silver in which the main character starts the story discussing the moments you let slip by because you don't know they are moments until it's too late.  One of her prime examples is the last time you hold your small child and then they're too big to be held.  I think about that often and I don't want those moments to pass (inevitable many just have to pass simply because you don't know they are moments).  I feel worried about going back to the office and losing some of those moments.  The last time I help my child with spelling, or the last time I wave to another parent in the parking lot...being in the office means I might gain moments with some colleagues, but I will miss so many others.  That alone, almost more than the others hurts me the most.  

So yes, that's why I say silly things like I will miss 2020.  But alas, I try to find the positive so I can fake it until I make it...and I look forward to sitting in my mom's house watching TV, or walking next to a friend without a mask on, sitting at the dinner table with friends and family.  Find the positives Steph.

Hugs

Before reading this post I'd like to say for the record, I do not encourage anyone to hug right now unless the person you are hugging is in your "bubble" and hopefully COVID free. One of my new favorite quotes from a book I recently read is about hugs:

"When you hug someone, you learn something else about them.  An important something else."

I happen to be a hugger and believe I can tell a lot from the way a person hugs.  Let me rephrase, I am a selective hugger (which maybe says a lot more about me than I wish)*.  Emotion tends to translate through hugs and having not been able to hug friends and family in a while, it's one of the few interpersonal actions I miss**.

Anyway, any guesses where that quote exists?

* I am known to hug random people...I apparently appear very maternal to individuals under stress and having offered a hug to those people, they willingly accepted (and they weren't pickpockets!).  I also rarely turn down a hug.

** I sound terrible saying this, but I don't miss much about social interaction.  I miss only a smidgen about it...all the rest I manage to continue on with virtually or in some other manner to meet my own personal needs.  I don't feel like I need interpersonal moments.  But hugs...yea, I miss hugs.