NabloPoNo Day 17 Post 14 - Reading Time Vomit

A story I promised...



I was about 6 years old in First grade. My mom was pregnant with my younger brother Drew, and for a period of time she was in the hospital with complications. [Please keep in mind that this was back in the day when hospitals kept a person for more than one day, and to me it seemed like an eternity, but could have been no more than a week perhaps]. I was very much a mama's girl and tried to stay attached to one of her legs at all times. There were a few times we were detached, one of which was school. After dragging me down the hall while I sobbed, she'd lob me through the classroom door and run as fast as she could out of my sight. Once in the classroom I seemed to calm myself enough to at least focus on getting to the end of the day.

I never enjoyed reading much at the age of 5-19, but I knew I had to learn so I tried for a few moments each day. The teacher, whose name I no longer know how to spell, would break us into groups and we'd each take our turn sitting in a circle around the teacher reading our few lines in the text book. I don't know how or when or why it would happen, but every day, EVERY SINGLE DAY, I would vomit! The got book covered, my clothes got littered, and the stench went every where! I would be sent to the Principal's office (who had my Aunt on speed dial since this was the routine); and from what I understand, my classmates grew to hate the pine scented absorbent that was sprinkled over my mess for cleaning.

Ah, those where the days!

...word...
raise: Parent or parents; the people who raised you.

In use: I am having Thanksgiving dinner with the raise this year.

NaBloPoMo Day Three Post Three -V

I won't have time later so I'm writing early. I'm at work and the slave driver will be in soon, so I can't write too long....

My new life's strategy from coworker Jim: "Under promise and over deliver every time", set the bar low and you will succeed and avoid failure every time! I've tried this strategy a few times and failed anyway, so I can't say it'll be effective, but you never know right!

A very quick story and one word...

V
Years ago there was a television miniseries called "V". It stood for the "visitors" and was about aliens coming to take over Earth. I was probably 4 or maybe 5 at the time and therefore my older brother was about 6 or 7. We became instant fans as everyone in my household was a fervent fan of the thing called science fiction. We all still are to this day. Anyway, we were huge fans, we played "V" regularly. We made our own posters displaying the iconic red V, the symbol of the resistance(V for victory which was spray-painted over posters promoting Visitor friendship among humans). Eventually, the family moved to a new house a year or two later, and somewhere we managed to get our hands on some red spray paint. As you can guess Dusty and I painted the town red...or at least various parts of the backyard with the drippy red V!

Word
electile dysfunction (ED): The state of impotence and abject disinterest toward the political elective process.

BY THE WAY, IT'S ELECTION DAY, GO VOTE, YOU AIN'T GOT ED!

NaBloPoMo Day Two Post Two -Taiwanese Toilets

Mac and cheese, or rather some tube like noodles and cheese is what I'm having for dinner. I'm a lousy cook but can bake fairly well. I'm left brained and it's obvious. I'd like to be less nerdy, but I can't, never could really. Some people claim to like it and think it's cute...but some how I suspect "cute" really means something equivalent to "look at the girl who can't walk but tries so hard, you can't help but adore her effort"...I'll take what I can get I guess.

Anyway, as I promised, a blog a day. I'll give you some words and a story and be on my merry noodle eating way!

Taiwanese Toilets

I'd been out of the country before...Mexico, Ireland, and now Taiwan. It was a school Fellowship to see the earthquake damage of Chi-Chi Taiwan. It was a treat to go, and I had almost decided not to even send in the application. But I did, and I was accepted, and I went. I was nervous as anyone could imagine, going alone to a country that was of Chinese language, nothing of which I could speak or understand.

I was alone, did I mention that? I was meeting a handful of other students in Taiwan. Fortunately for me, I managed to meet one of those students in Detroit before heading into Taiwan. Thankfully I didn't have to be scared alone! We could be scared together. Anyway, cut to the chase, we had a crazy driver that got us to our hotel, then I realized I'd left my money at home. Luckily I had just come from Ireland less than 24 hours before, so I did have money on me! I'm certain I cried for about 2 or three hours before I passed out from exhaustion. Then the adventure was on!

The trip was all in all, very cool! I learned a lot, met really great people, became adventurous with food (you'll eat anything if you are hungry enough), and got to see some very unique things in a part of the world I may have not seen otherwise.

The part I want to tell you about is the toilets. In many of the places we traveled (with the exception of hotels/rest stops/finer dining establishments) the men's restrooms/bathrooms/water closets/what-ever-the-hell-you-call-it were traditional toilets with a seat and tank and a lid and a flusher. I know this because of the conversations we had with the boys. In the women's restrooms/bathrooms/water closets/what-ever-the-hell-you-call-it were holes in the ground. Yes, a simple pipe that came up to collect waste. Imagine my surprise when I walk in to use the toilet and open the stall door and see a hole! I walked back out and saw the universal "chick in a dress symbol"...yep girls in here. I stood and looked. A girl walked in, went into the stall, I saw her squat, I saw her "waste", I cringed. Really? This is how I have to do this? Camping style? Well okay...only had three beers by now and have to squat. Okay, I'm used to hovering, how hard can this be? Well about five minutes later I braved the stall, I squatted, I wasted...it was a toilet experience I'll never forget!

Words...

feeling fist:The fist used to express deep or extreme emotion during a song, in which the singer extends a fisted hand and brings it back in towards the body with intensity of emotion.

In Use: When singing Hungry Eyes on the karaoke machine, Joe impressed us all with a perfect feeling fist.

pitching wedge: Someone who only looks good from far away.
ride on dubs: To drive a car with 20-inch or larger rims.
lappy: Short for laptop computer; especially old and outdated models.
midnight gardening: The act of passing out or falling over in foliage after large amounts of liquor have been consumed.
no homo: Phrase used after one inadvertently says something that sounds gay.

In Use: His ass is mine. No homo.

NaBloPoMo Day One Post One - My Baby Brother

I saw today (just in time) that it is NaBloPoMo, or more lengthily known as National Blog Post Month. Are you a blogger? You better get to posting!

Essentially it encourages bloggers to post once a day. 30 posts in 30 days, or something like that. I used to keep up with posting most days, then work overwhelmed me. Well, it's still overwhelming me, but I've mentally committed myself to doing this. I'm going to post once a day.

What's my content going to be? I actually thought about this for a bit. I have a whole list of ideas...topics ranging from questions I like to ask people that I would answer; topics discussing my daily activities; music; clothing; shoes; television; engineering, etc. I finally stopped at stories of yore. So here we go, blog one for day one...

My Baby Brother

Drew, my youngest brother, was not yet old enough to walk. He was still one of those feeble toddlers put into a "walker" and sent on his way. If you are unfamiliar with the walker, please let me explain. A walker is like a small child sized table with a hole in the middle. In that hole is a seat sized for small toddlers. At the bottom of the table are casters. The point of this contraption is to get kids little legs moving to aide them in learning to walk. So, Drew was in his walker. I was in the bathroom washing Barbie's hair. It was a very important task for her (she probably had a date with Ken). Mom and Dad were busy but keeping an eye on Drew to be sure he didn't go tumbling down the stairs in his contraption. Mom calls to me to say she's busy for a moment, that I must watch Drew for a few minutes. No problem, how hard can it be to keep a feeble toddler from going down the stairs? Yea, well, it's harder than you think when Barbie's hair is tangled. So much brushing to do. Before you know it the comb is stuck and ...what was that sound, what's that screaming ...oh, right Drew! Yea, so needless to say, I was a poor baby sitter. But Drew's okay, I mean, no broken bones from the incident or anything!

A Not-So-Funny Cat Pee Story

There are those that like cats and those that do not. I fall into a category very close to "hater". Cats are mean, they are vindictive, they care only of themselves; they are in fact much like myself. I imagine this to be the start of our inharmonious relationship! Despite my deep feeling of angst for the creatures that try to suck human's breath out at night, I associate with the "cat lovers" because they are at least animal people. One of these said "cat lovers" is my former blog crush Justin. In his Two Week notice blog post he shared a picture of his cats...



His commentary about cat pee along with this picture made me think of a story about cats and the work required to move them. The important lessons are thus:

-Cats should be moved in carriers

-Cats freak out to everything

-Cats really are mean

-Cat pee stings in fresh wounds

Here is the story...

Eva and I were about 17; old enough to drive, old enough to know better, young enough to still try stupid things! She was moving to a new house, I had offered to help her since it was hard to not help her considering our attachment at the hips!

We were transporting many of her belongings in her old red Ford Escort that had this tricky fuel switch. You see, after the whole Ford Pinto incident of the 70's, Ford installed fuel switches in all Fords whose tanks could be rear ended causing a massive explosion. Eva's car was special. Not only did her car have the switch, but every time we hit a road bump or pot hole hard enough, the fuel was switched off! So imagine if you will, cruising down pot holed Benton Avenue (in Granite City), to fall into one of the holes and then have the car simply stop! No fuel! So Eva would have to get out of the car, go to the back, do some magic (for I honestly have no idea what she had to do in order to get the switch back on), and then off we go again to the next pot hole!

After several moves of the belongings we came to the final items to be transported, the cats. Linus and Azzy were a couple of nutty cats to begin with. I didn't hate them, I in fact thought they were all right for cats. Everything changed after the big move.

We didn't have carriers. This is a huge part of the story. We did not have pet carriers!! We just put the cats in the car, to roam free, to kill me! Eva starts the car and pulls away; Azzy, hides inside the dashboard. I kid you not, the cat found a crevice for which she could squeeze and then she was inside the dashboard. I would have tried to sooth her but Linus was literally bouncing off every surface. I couldn't understand what was happening. Eva, seeing the error of her ways, drove faster to get this nightmare over with as soon as possible. Linus was everywhere, all at once; back-and-forth, side-to-side, demolishing everything in his path. It was then we hit a pot hole. I don't know if this is when I was nearly clawed to death or if it had already occurred but while Eva was magically repairing the car, Linus and I were fighting to the death.

The details are fuzzy, but somewhere in between being clawed nearly to death, Eva repairing the car, and finally arriving at the new place, Linus returned to his chaotic to-and-fro frenzy while leaking urine. Cat pee was everywhere! All over the windows, all over the car, all over me.

As time moves on I may forget some of the details, I may forget Linus' name, but I do not think I will ever forget the way cat pee stings in fresh cat scratches!


The word...
adorkable: Both dorky and adorable. A higher state of being all dorks strive towards. [I like to think I have reached this state]

Happy Anniv. Eva and Jami

September 30. Today be Eva and Jami's anniversary. So just a little shout out to two people who will never read this! Happy A. dudes!

I should tell you a little bit about Eva and Jami. Eva is my bestest friend in the whole wide world. No one can replace her. She and I share a brain. Go on, get the laughter out of the way so I can continue! I'll give you a moment before I explain... [moment]

I am left brained, she is right brained. Together we make a complete brain. In fact I am far more right brained than most lefties as she is far more left brained than most righties simply because we share a brain! We call each other at exact moments [in fact there are times that we will each pick up the phone to make the call and there are no rings because at the exact moment one of us dials, the other picks up]. If you have ever seen us together you may wonder what mystical force has taken us over and has made us giddy. I think it can be frightening for some people.

Perhaps we are like this because I spent most of my life with Eva and her family. I hate to say "most", but pretty much every weekend I was allowed, and through most of the summer vacation, I was at Eva's. All of her family vacations became my family vacations. She is really good people too. Just really good! I met Eva when I was five, and we've been around together since. [The story of how me and Eva became friends is another story for another time, remind me though, it's lovely]

Then she met Jami. He stole her from me, but I guess it was bound to happen. I like Jami all right. We fight a lot. It's good though, because I like to argue and throw tantrums; he lets me, and then all is good. Also, he shares candy with me. Interestingly enough, he had an accident at work on Monday that tore the tip of a finger off...so now, we are even more alike! We both have stubby fingers! [The story of how I smashed my finger tip off is another story for another time, remind me though, it's lovely]

So anyway, today, a few years ago [4?] Eva and Jami got hitched. And that's my story!