It's been one month since my brother passed away.
Since then so many things have happened, either because they had to, or because time goes on and we have no choice. And because so much has happened it feels like it's been more than a month. Yet....yet somehow....as I wake in the morning and go through the motions of living life, it occurs to me that my brother is gone and it hurts in indescribable ways. I see the little things that remind me of him, or someone says something in way that reminds me of him, or I have a question that I have no doubts he would have had an answer for....there are just all these things that make me think of him and all those things....it all that makes me feel like the day is still December 11th. Mentally, I've been on that day this whole time.
In some ways, I've been through this before. I have lost loved ones before. I only within the last year and a half lost both of my beloved dogs. I know how this goes. You can damage your ankle with a really bad sprain and it hurts immensely but slowly heals. It may look fine on the outside, and might function as well as can be, but now there's arthritis and it hurts all the time; you just learn to cope with a regularly sore ankle. In this case I have a really sore heart.
I don't know if it feels so much worse because he was my brother, at times my savior, and the person that, even when we didn't speak regularly, I knew he was there. I could count on him to help out with whatever might come up; I looked up to him because he was amazing. He was the guy I put on a pedestal. Sure, we didn't talk often and he was private so knowing him as an adult was difficult. But deep down, he was who he always was to me...and in my mind, we're still just kids doing the things that I have the best memories of...I can't seem to move on from that.
Maybe this is harder for me now because in the past, I was too young or maybe too removed from a loved one to have to deal with the aftermath. This time, I'm calling people almost everyday to sort out my brother's estate. It's a lot of repeating the word "deceased". It's overwhelming in task alone, but more so because I have to face the reality of it. I'm not even alone in this. My younger brother, my mom, and I have tag teamed this venture and it's so confusing and so voluminous with tasks that it's hard to break down.
Of course I can't let this beat me, or define me. I know this. I know I am not alone. I try to be thankful everyday for the people I have, for the help I have, the kindness of friends and family, and for the fact that I am at least able to live in a way that I think would make my brother proud (the one real person I've always tried to impress). So yea, I get up everyday, and I go to work, and I go teach class, and I do the house and parenting stuff, and I try to fit in all the other stuff...and in general I do these things as well as I can and I try not to dwell on my brother's death. And I try not to be that person that's whiny or airs dirty laundry or dwells on a subject. But, on the inside, mentally I'm not where I should be; physically I am trying; and yes I am angry because he's gone, and angry because, for everyone else, time goes on and I so desperately want to go back in time; and the guilt...well, I will always wish I did more. So forgive me my few rants and ignore my red eyes should catch me after I've been crying. This will get better, but one month out is definitely not my time.
Showing posts with label Drew. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Drew. Show all posts
20170111
20120724
18 Years Ago Today
I remember what I was doing 18 years ago today. I sat at my Aunt JoAnne's home with my younger brother at my side. We were informed that at nearly 1:00 in the morning, my father had passed away. July 24th, 1994. He was only 39 years old.
Less than 12 hours before that where I was exhausted from being at the hospital, Aunt Jo asked if we'd like to stay at her house with her over night. My older brother who had no fear of being home alone chose to get dropped off at home. Drew and I went to stay with Aunt Jo. I went to say good bye to my dad, to say I would see him in the morning. By this time he was already in a coma, and as I went to give him a kiss good bye I knew it was the end. Despite all the signs, the words, the "understanding", this time I knew it. When I kissed him good bye, the last time I ever would do so, he didn't return the kiss. I'd watched him in a coma for at least a day or more and had no idea really. This time I did. I would never converse with or gain affection from him ever again.
I said good bye, I touched his face, and I walked out of the room where I pressed my back to the wall and sunk to the ground in an uncontrollable fit of tears and sadness hoping no one saw me. I calmed down to a point and remember (of all things) a nurse asking if I wanted a Popsicle.
18 years later I still remember the lack of response the last time I said good bye. I still regret not being a more loving child, a more supportive child, just a better person in general. I still regret mean things I said to him or about him. I've learned that you can't live life in such a way that allows these regrets to seep into you. Sure, everyone has passionate bouts where they say or do the wrong things...but I had more of those than most, and perhaps some justified. By the time I got to say goodbye, my father didn't know. Now all I can do is show up at his grave and remember the last place his body ever was...
Dani will never know him; he never got to see me graduate high school or college (twice!); nor was he able to walk me down the aisle and have a father-daughter dance with me. These things are what hurt. But to every sad thing I know there are positives. My father was unhealthy and now that isn't an issue. He met Holly before he left us, a very rare opportunity for fate to show its face. Our lives could have been tragically different if things were the way the had been the last year's of my father's life. A thousand "what-ifs" are all we can speculate.
I suppose my father's passing has made me a better person, more understanding, and watchful of the horrible words I may say. It made me grow up at 15 years old. It made me appreciate the things I had and things I earned. It made me proud to talk about my dad, to honor him. To this day, 18 years later, it isn't easier, I've just gained more understanding.
Less than 12 hours before that where I was exhausted from being at the hospital, Aunt Jo asked if we'd like to stay at her house with her over night. My older brother who had no fear of being home alone chose to get dropped off at home. Drew and I went to stay with Aunt Jo. I went to say good bye to my dad, to say I would see him in the morning. By this time he was already in a coma, and as I went to give him a kiss good bye I knew it was the end. Despite all the signs, the words, the "understanding", this time I knew it. When I kissed him good bye, the last time I ever would do so, he didn't return the kiss. I'd watched him in a coma for at least a day or more and had no idea really. This time I did. I would never converse with or gain affection from him ever again.
I said good bye, I touched his face, and I walked out of the room where I pressed my back to the wall and sunk to the ground in an uncontrollable fit of tears and sadness hoping no one saw me. I calmed down to a point and remember (of all things) a nurse asking if I wanted a Popsicle.
18 years later I still remember the lack of response the last time I said good bye. I still regret not being a more loving child, a more supportive child, just a better person in general. I still regret mean things I said to him or about him. I've learned that you can't live life in such a way that allows these regrets to seep into you. Sure, everyone has passionate bouts where they say or do the wrong things...but I had more of those than most, and perhaps some justified. By the time I got to say goodbye, my father didn't know. Now all I can do is show up at his grave and remember the last place his body ever was...
Dani will never know him; he never got to see me graduate high school or college (twice!); nor was he able to walk me down the aisle and have a father-daughter dance with me. These things are what hurt. But to every sad thing I know there are positives. My father was unhealthy and now that isn't an issue. He met Holly before he left us, a very rare opportunity for fate to show its face. Our lives could have been tragically different if things were the way the had been the last year's of my father's life. A thousand "what-ifs" are all we can speculate.
I suppose my father's passing has made me a better person, more understanding, and watchful of the horrible words I may say. It made me grow up at 15 years old. It made me appreciate the things I had and things I earned. It made me proud to talk about my dad, to honor him. To this day, 18 years later, it isn't easier, I've just gained more understanding.
20100111
Chet the Jet
I recommend books all the time that people probably end up hating and wondering why I'd even bother reading let alone recommending! But one of the books I once recommended to my brother was Dog On It by Spencer Quinn, seemingly enjoyed by all. My mom and both my brothers read it. Since then, and to my utmost delight, I found the blog by Chet the Jet (hero of the book, a dog named Chet). I also follow Chet on Twitter! Anyway, the new book is out, Thereby Hangs A Tail.
I chose to mention this because I was reading today's blog which made me chortle aloud at work, thus giving away the fact I wasn't actually working. [People don't laugh at work in this industry]. So it goes, Chet arrives home and realizes that there have been trespassers. I'm on edge with anticipation as to who might have been on his property...
...I have to laugh, that's just exactly what a dog would do; get everyone up in arms thinking some one is at the door or breaking into the house, you charge through rooms at the ready to find, but what, really?, that's just a squirrel taunting you with it's tail! Ohhhhh Dogs!
Anyway, good books, go read!
SMART ASS
WHAT AM I?
I am a form of dance.
I have companies throughout the world.
My lead dancers are called principals.
I have five main positions.
Edgar Degas’ paintings of me are well known.
The Nutcracker and Swan Lake are among my popular works.
Mikhail Baryshnikov is one of my most famous dancers.
My apparel can include tutus and toe shoes.
[easy peasy japanesy...and on that note, Mike, you were right, it was Degas...interesting that we just had that conversation yesterday]
WORDS
febrile: marked or caused by fever; feverish. This word, along with fever, are derived from the Latin word febris, meaning a fever.
confabulate: 1.:to talk informally; chat. 2. to hold a discussion; to confer. 3.:to fill in gaps in memory by fabrication. Confabulate, fabulous, and fable are all derivatives of the Latin word fabula meaning "conversation" or "story" depending on the usage.
kinesics: a systematic study of the relationship between nonlinguistic body motions (as blushes, shrugs, and eye movement) and communication. The formal study of "body language" is believed to have begun with the publishing of Ray Birdshistell's book Introduction to Kinesics in 1952.
I chose to mention this because I was reading today's blog which made me chortle aloud at work, thus giving away the fact I wasn't actually working. [People don't laugh at work in this industry]. So it goes, Chet arrives home and realizes that there have been trespassers. I'm on edge with anticipation as to who might have been on his property...
...I followed the scents: squirrel, bird, the mailman, toad, and several of my guys, including – Iggy?
...I have to laugh, that's just exactly what a dog would do; get everyone up in arms thinking some one is at the door or breaking into the house, you charge through rooms at the ready to find, but what, really?, that's just a squirrel taunting you with it's tail! Ohhhhh Dogs!
Anyway, good books, go read!
SMART ASS
WHAT AM I?
[easy peasy japanesy...and on that note, Mike, you were right, it was Degas...interesting that we just had that conversation yesterday]
WORDS
febrile: marked or caused by fever; feverish. This word, along with fever, are derived from the Latin word febris, meaning a fever.
confabulate: 1.:to talk informally; chat. 2. to hold a discussion; to confer. 3.:to fill in gaps in memory by fabrication. Confabulate, fabulous, and fable are all derivatives of the Latin word fabula meaning "conversation" or "story" depending on the usage.
kinesics: a systematic study of the relationship between nonlinguistic body motions (as blushes, shrugs, and eye movement) and communication. The formal study of "body language" is believed to have begun with the publishing of Ray Birdshistell's book Introduction to Kinesics in 1952.
20091210
Nightmares...Again
I’ve been having nightmares again. They seemed to lessen for a period of time for a couple months at most, but a couple of months is far greater than you can imagine when it comes to impeding my sleep. They are back and I don't know why. Stress? Lowered immune system? Actual fear? I just can't figure it out. Here are some of the details, perhaps you have some insight.
Often times my nightmare consists of me looking for something. After awaking, I rarely remember what it was that I looked for...I just know that in my dream I am looking for something. In this process I walk into rooms and become startled. Take a moment to follow this thought with me...you walk into a room that you think is empty and suddenly realize someone is in the room; or similarly let's say you have a large doll/mannequin/masks/human-sized-cardboard-cutout...sometimes you might catch this out of the corner of your eye and it startles you because you think someone is there for the briefest of moments. Whatever the case may be, it is momentarily frightening, causing your heart to feel as though it's pounding in your throat along with the confusion that comes along that causes you to glance back every now and again to be sure! In my dreams, while searching, I will catch something out of the corner of my eye. My heart races and I am consumed with fear but when I glance over to see who or what is there, it usually turns out to be a mask. There are several masks I see over and over again, though my mind has seen many in dream form. I can only show you one of the masks by photo but the others may be mere figments of my imagination as I can’t recall where I would have seen them in the real world (one appearing to be a human face simply peeled away from the body and limply laying right side out; the other is a very fine porcelain mask with feminine features but painted in a sparkly blue paint. Think pretty Blue Man Group with cats eyes. It ties in the back with light pink satin ribbon).
Last night’s dreams were much different than my typical. There were two distinct dreams I awoke from startled. The first that I can’t quite recall much about had to do with my teeth. My teeth had been wired shut and the moment I took the wiring off, my teeth cracked and fell out. While very little was left in my gums, what remained were shards of bony tooth that cut the inside of my mouth.
The second of dreams I had was about water, one of my biggest fears. I was in charge of getting a ’63 split back Corvette (black and white with smooth dark grey interior…so nice I could have licked it if it were real) overseas. As part of the transport, I was to follow the shipping container that contained the most beautiful car known to man. As it goes, I was on a ship outside of the cabin. The sea was rough and I didn’t have a life preserver. I was holding onto a post for dear life as the ship rocked to and fro with water splashing all around. The water was a dark green that couldn’t be seen into, and the last memory of that dream I have is being startled awake as the ship tipped over to its side. When I awoke my hands were cold and clinched so tightly into fists that my fingernails had dug into the flesh of my palms.
[As a side note, I want to send many thanks to Drew for making a donation to my 5k! Awesome support! Thanks so much baby bro, you rock, and I still have your birthday present in my backpack!] [Also, if you are wondering, donations can still be made]
Often times my nightmare consists of me looking for something. After awaking, I rarely remember what it was that I looked for...I just know that in my dream I am looking for something. In this process I walk into rooms and become startled. Take a moment to follow this thought with me...you walk into a room that you think is empty and suddenly realize someone is in the room; or similarly let's say you have a large doll/mannequin/masks/human-sized-cardboard-cutout...sometimes you might catch this out of the corner of your eye and it startles you because you think someone is there for the briefest of moments. Whatever the case may be, it is momentarily frightening, causing your heart to feel as though it's pounding in your throat along with the confusion that comes along that causes you to glance back every now and again to be sure! In my dreams, while searching, I will catch something out of the corner of my eye. My heart races and I am consumed with fear but when I glance over to see who or what is there, it usually turns out to be a mask. There are several masks I see over and over again, though my mind has seen many in dream form. I can only show you one of the masks by photo but the others may be mere figments of my imagination as I can’t recall where I would have seen them in the real world (one appearing to be a human face simply peeled away from the body and limply laying right side out; the other is a very fine porcelain mask with feminine features but painted in a sparkly blue paint. Think pretty Blue Man Group with cats eyes. It ties in the back with light pink satin ribbon).
Last night’s dreams were much different than my typical. There were two distinct dreams I awoke from startled. The first that I can’t quite recall much about had to do with my teeth. My teeth had been wired shut and the moment I took the wiring off, my teeth cracked and fell out. While very little was left in my gums, what remained were shards of bony tooth that cut the inside of my mouth.
The second of dreams I had was about water, one of my biggest fears. I was in charge of getting a ’63 split back Corvette (black and white with smooth dark grey interior…so nice I could have licked it if it were real) overseas. As part of the transport, I was to follow the shipping container that contained the most beautiful car known to man. As it goes, I was on a ship outside of the cabin. The sea was rough and I didn’t have a life preserver. I was holding onto a post for dear life as the ship rocked to and fro with water splashing all around. The water was a dark green that couldn’t be seen into, and the last memory of that dream I have is being startled awake as the ship tipped over to its side. When I awoke my hands were cold and clinched so tightly into fists that my fingernails had dug into the flesh of my palms.
[As a side note, I want to send many thanks to Drew for making a donation to my 5k! Awesome support! Thanks so much baby bro, you rock, and I still have your birthday present in my backpack!] [Also, if you are wondering, donations can still be made]
20091120
NaBloPoMo Day 20 Post 17 - Run Away With Me
First up to bat......HAPPY BIRFDAY BABY BRUDDA! Twenty-Four, hurts nothing like 30, enjoy it while you can! [Sniff sniff, my widdle baby brudda is growin' up so fast, it seems like just yesterday I was picking him up at school]
Next at the plate, I'm doing this in December, you should join me! Kim Estes is actually the person that asked me to run with her, and I thought it would be very enjoyable [ok ok ok, as enjoyable as running 5k can be]!
And now the third, your word...
turkey drop: This happens when a dating couple try the long-distance relationship thing when they go off to college in September. Typically, when thanksgiving rolls around and everyone goes home for the holiday, someone gets dumped.
Next at the plate, I'm doing this in December, you should join me! Kim Estes is actually the person that asked me to run with her, and I thought it would be very enjoyable [ok ok ok, as enjoyable as running 5k can be]!
And now the third, your word...
turkey drop: This happens when a dating couple try the long-distance relationship thing when they go off to college in September. Typically, when thanksgiving rolls around and everyone goes home for the holiday, someone gets dumped.
20091117
NabloPoNo Day 17 Post 14 - Reading Time Vomit
A story I promised...
I was about 6 years old in First grade. My mom was pregnant with my younger brother Drew, and for a period of time she was in the hospital with complications. [Please keep in mind that this was back in the day when hospitals kept a person for more than one day, and to me it seemed like an eternity, but could have been no more than a week perhaps]. I was very much a mama's girl and tried to stay attached to one of her legs at all times. There were a few times we were detached, one of which was school. After dragging me down the hall while I sobbed, she'd lob me through the classroom door and run as fast as she could out of my sight. Once in the classroom I seemed to calm myself enough to at least focus on getting to the end of the day.
I never enjoyed reading much at the age of 5-19, but I knew I had to learn so I tried for a few moments each day. The teacher, whose name I no longer know how to spell, would break us into groups and we'd each take our turn sitting in a circle around the teacher reading our few lines in the text book. I don't know how or when or why it would happen, but every day, EVERY SINGLE DAY, I would vomit! The got book covered, my clothes got littered, and the stench went every where! I would be sent to the Principal's office (who had my Aunt on speed dial since this was the routine); and from what I understand, my classmates grew to hate the pine scented absorbent that was sprinkled over my mess for cleaning.
Ah, those where the days!
...word...
raise: Parent or parents; the people who raised you.
I was about 6 years old in First grade. My mom was pregnant with my younger brother Drew, and for a period of time she was in the hospital with complications. [Please keep in mind that this was back in the day when hospitals kept a person for more than one day, and to me it seemed like an eternity, but could have been no more than a week perhaps]. I was very much a mama's girl and tried to stay attached to one of her legs at all times. There were a few times we were detached, one of which was school. After dragging me down the hall while I sobbed, she'd lob me through the classroom door and run as fast as she could out of my sight. Once in the classroom I seemed to calm myself enough to at least focus on getting to the end of the day.
I never enjoyed reading much at the age of 5-19, but I knew I had to learn so I tried for a few moments each day. The teacher, whose name I no longer know how to spell, would break us into groups and we'd each take our turn sitting in a circle around the teacher reading our few lines in the text book. I don't know how or when or why it would happen, but every day, EVERY SINGLE DAY, I would vomit! The got book covered, my clothes got littered, and the stench went every where! I would be sent to the Principal's office (who had my Aunt on speed dial since this was the routine); and from what I understand, my classmates grew to hate the pine scented absorbent that was sprinkled over my mess for cleaning.
Ah, those where the days!
...word...
raise: Parent or parents; the people who raised you.
In use: I am having Thanksgiving dinner with the raise this year.
20091105
NaBloPoMo Day Five Post Five - All About Amanda
Short blog for a short girl! :)
No real story today as I have tons to do and I leave for California at noon. I'm excited to get away from reality for a bit; not so excited that it's for a meeting, and even less excited that I have to go while my mom is having surgery. She says it's okay. I have to trust her instinct on this one. Drew [aka Baby Brother] is supposed to be taking care of her, but I worry that she'll try to do too much. She always does too much!
Anyway, scmanyway; I don't have a real story but an amusing quote...
I was discussing with Amanda my method of choosing to go or not go to Cali., which was basically asking everyone I knew and even everyone I didn't know what I should do...and majority vote was to go. Amanda had also suggested that I go and so her response was, "at least I'm not alone in the majortiy". She caught herself right away. Majority, no one is alone!
Word...
lactard: A lactose-intolerant person.
[Speaking of Amanda....*snickering*, she's a lactard!]
No real story today as I have tons to do and I leave for California at noon. I'm excited to get away from reality for a bit; not so excited that it's for a meeting, and even less excited that I have to go while my mom is having surgery. She says it's okay. I have to trust her instinct on this one. Drew [aka Baby Brother] is supposed to be taking care of her, but I worry that she'll try to do too much. She always does too much!
Anyway, scmanyway; I don't have a real story but an amusing quote...
I was discussing with Amanda my method of choosing to go or not go to Cali., which was basically asking everyone I knew and even everyone I didn't know what I should do...and majority vote was to go. Amanda had also suggested that I go and so her response was, "at least I'm not alone in the majortiy". She caught herself right away. Majority, no one is alone!
Word...
lactard: A lactose-intolerant person.
[Speaking of Amanda....*snickering*, she's a lactard!]
20091101
NaBloPoMo Day One Post One - My Baby Brother
I saw today (just in time) that it is NaBloPoMo, or more lengthily known as National Blog Post Month. Are you a blogger? You better get to posting!
Essentially it encourages bloggers to post once a day. 30 posts in 30 days, or something like that. I used to keep up with posting most days, then work overwhelmed me. Well, it's still overwhelming me, but I've mentally committed myself to doing this. I'm going to post once a day.
What's my content going to be? I actually thought about this for a bit. I have a whole list of ideas...topics ranging from questions I like to ask people that I would answer; topics discussing my daily activities; music; clothing; shoes; television; engineering, etc. I finally stopped at stories of yore. So here we go, blog one for day one...
My Baby Brother
Drew, my youngest brother, was not yet old enough to walk. He was still one of those feeble toddlers put into a "walker" and sent on his way. If you are unfamiliar with the walker, please let me explain. A walker is like a small child sized table with a hole in the middle. In that hole is a seat sized for small toddlers. At the bottom of the table are casters. The point of this contraption is to get kids little legs moving to aide them in learning to walk. So, Drew was in his walker. I was in the bathroom washing Barbie's hair. It was a very important task for her (she probably had a date with Ken). Mom and Dad were busy but keeping an eye on Drew to be sure he didn't go tumbling down the stairs in his contraption. Mom calls to me to say she's busy for a moment, that I must watch Drew for a few minutes. No problem, how hard can it be to keep a feeble toddler from going down the stairs? Yea, well, it's harder than you think when Barbie's hair is tangled. So much brushing to do. Before you know it the comb is stuck and ...what was that sound, what's that screaming ...oh, right Drew! Yea, so needless to say, I was a poor baby sitter. But Drew's okay, I mean, no broken bones from the incident or anything!
Essentially it encourages bloggers to post once a day. 30 posts in 30 days, or something like that. I used to keep up with posting most days, then work overwhelmed me. Well, it's still overwhelming me, but I've mentally committed myself to doing this. I'm going to post once a day.
What's my content going to be? I actually thought about this for a bit. I have a whole list of ideas...topics ranging from questions I like to ask people that I would answer; topics discussing my daily activities; music; clothing; shoes; television; engineering, etc. I finally stopped at stories of yore. So here we go, blog one for day one...
My Baby Brother
Drew, my youngest brother, was not yet old enough to walk. He was still one of those feeble toddlers put into a "walker" and sent on his way. If you are unfamiliar with the walker, please let me explain. A walker is like a small child sized table with a hole in the middle. In that hole is a seat sized for small toddlers. At the bottom of the table are casters. The point of this contraption is to get kids little legs moving to aide them in learning to walk. So, Drew was in his walker. I was in the bathroom washing Barbie's hair. It was a very important task for her (she probably had a date with Ken). Mom and Dad were busy but keeping an eye on Drew to be sure he didn't go tumbling down the stairs in his contraption. Mom calls to me to say she's busy for a moment, that I must watch Drew for a few minutes. No problem, how hard can it be to keep a feeble toddler from going down the stairs? Yea, well, it's harder than you think when Barbie's hair is tangled. So much brushing to do. Before you know it the comb is stuck and ...what was that sound, what's that screaming ...oh, right Drew! Yea, so needless to say, I was a poor baby sitter. But Drew's okay, I mean, no broken bones from the incident or anything!
the tags:
Barbie Dolls,
Blogs,
Drew,
NaBloPoMo,
Stories
20090922
I Lost the Election
Phew, it's one of those days, but thus far productive!
First I want to say that I in no way intend to offend anyone who reads. For instance, the whole "strictly 2 kids per couple" ideology...well, I am part of 4 siblings; my sister has 4 wonderful children; my dad was 1 of 5 children and my mom was 1 of 5. I love each of these people completely independent of some numeric embodiment. My ideas are just that, my ideas. So, never take anything I say personally. I don't want to judge you. I don't want to judge anyone! I'd rather see that you are different and learn from you than for you to think I'm unswayable in opinion! Got it? It's just that I honestly write for me, so I splatter my slobbery words all over this blog, and rarely think before hitting the "Publish Post" button!
Now I want to say that I made awesome apple pies. I plan on writing my first food blog soon! So stayed tuned for that!
I heard from Shane again, who claims he will be "ok". I can only assume he won't lie to me, and while he appears to have never made a huge effort to lie to me, I don't trust people, so I can only have some faith in this instance [faith is something I have little of].
I also heard from Holly, I am glad to see she is alive and functioning about the best she can! Keep the chin up sis! She was also able to provide me with some insight and opinions, which I always appreciate!
I made this blog/site for an organization I am involved in: http://www.seistudents.com. I volunteer for a lot of stuff, SEI-St. Louis for one, of which I am the chairman only because I lost the election. I need to learn to say no, so, yea, give me any tips you can. I typically feel guilty for saying no, and yet I can be so mean...how does this work exactly?? Really though, I blog for work and enjoy it. I used to do a newsletter for SEAKM (another eng. org.) and I enjoyed it for a period of time. This little web thing I'm doing it fun for the moment. I feel so compelled to help people I almost don't notice the stress and socialization required. It all catches up with me though! Eh, whatcha gonna do?
First I want to say that I in no way intend to offend anyone who reads. For instance, the whole "strictly 2 kids per couple" ideology...well, I am part of 4 siblings; my sister has 4 wonderful children; my dad was 1 of 5 children and my mom was 1 of 5. I love each of these people completely independent of some numeric embodiment. My ideas are just that, my ideas. So, never take anything I say personally. I don't want to judge you. I don't want to judge anyone! I'd rather see that you are different and learn from you than for you to think I'm unswayable in opinion! Got it? It's just that I honestly write for me, so I splatter my slobbery words all over this blog, and rarely think before hitting the "Publish Post" button!
Now I want to say that I made awesome apple pies. I plan on writing my first food blog soon! So stayed tuned for that!
I heard from Shane again, who claims he will be "ok". I can only assume he won't lie to me, and while he appears to have never made a huge effort to lie to me, I don't trust people, so I can only have some faith in this instance [faith is something I have little of].
I also heard from Holly, I am glad to see she is alive and functioning about the best she can! Keep the chin up sis! She was also able to provide me with some insight and opinions, which I always appreciate!
I made this blog/site for an organization I am involved in: http://www.seistudents.com. I volunteer for a lot of stuff, SEI-St. Louis for one, of which I am the chairman only because I lost the election. I need to learn to say no, so, yea, give me any tips you can. I typically feel guilty for saying no, and yet I can be so mean...how does this work exactly?? Really though, I blog for work and enjoy it. I used to do a newsletter for SEAKM (another eng. org.) and I enjoyed it for a period of time. This little web thing I'm doing it fun for the moment. I feel so compelled to help people I almost don't notice the stress and socialization required. It all catches up with me though! Eh, whatcha gonna do?
20090908
Never Being Repaired
All of us will inevitably go through life with some terrible story that we will never forget until Alzheimer's or death. We'll each carry that story with us close to our hearts recalling every tiny detail as we remember them. It's hard to share those stories, for each time we tell them we realize how much we have forgotten, but we also recall how painful some of those details are to us. My story goes like this.
I was 15. My friend Kelly and I spent countless hours in her backyard escaping from reality. We knew everything about each other, that we were at least willing to share. As such, she knew how I wished my father dead. I did so nearly every day. I wanted him gone for the abuses he inflicted upon my brothers and my mother. Despite what I ever endured, it seemed nothing in comparison to my poor mom. She loved him so dearly, did she not see? Looking back from 15 years in the future, I now understand that she did see, and yet her love was unwavering. It is hard to not love someone when the love is there, even when that person breaks your heart continually. I will never say what I would have done in her situation, it is not for me to judge. I know what is considered the best decision, and it was tried but to no avail.
So it was a summer evening that my mom hurried over to Kelly's yard. Her face and eyes were red so I knew something was more serious than normal. It was this moment that I heard the first phrase that I would replay over and over in my head, "they say he has about 2 weeks left". I don't know that I said anything, how could I when the wind was knocked out of me. As soon as my mom was out of hearing range, Kelly said, "looks like you got your wish", yet other phrase I replay in my head. It's this phrase that haunts me to this very day. The phrase that has willed me to never use the word "hate" towards any individual, and the phrase that always makes me think wisely before any wishing is had.
I have to admit that I can't sufficiently recall the details of these two weeks at all. I had for some reason failed to believe that dad could die. He was the cat with nine proverbial lives. He'd lived through much worse. I saw him every day. Every day he lay in that damned hospital bed I would tell him about my daily adventures with Kelly. Surely he wasn't leaving.
At around 6 in the morning the phone rang. I answered at the same time my mom answered. I kept quiet, knowing I needed to hang up, but not wanting to sacrifice the knowledge of the call. The nurse told my mom that "he is slipping into a coma, perhaps having you here to talk to him will keep him from slipping too quickly, and if nothing else, your chance to say goodbye". It was only moments later that the four of us, mom, Dusty, Drew, and myself, were at the hospital, beside dad, who would never speak to us again.
Everyone told me how brave I had been, how it was difficult to go through this, and yet I was strong, not crying, not yielding to the stress. I needed to be strong for my mom, this was no time for faltering will. The reality was though, that it hadn't hit me yet. After a few days of enduring dad's coma, my aunt offered to take me and my brothers to her house for some sleep. I gladly accepted as I was exhausted and knew Drew wouldn't go without me. I walked into dad's room full of loved ones, walked passed the eyes watching me, and to dad's bedside. I looked at his yellowed face and leaned in to say "bye dad, love you". I gave him a kiss on his still lips. I will never forget the feeling of kissing someone and getting no response. It is the most unloved feeling I have ever known.
I don't recall leaving the room, but the next memories I have are of me sitting in the corridor outside his room crying for the first time. I have a memory of a nurse giving me a Popsicle. I know that Aunt JoAnne dropped Dusty off at home since that is where he wanted to be, while Drew and I chose to sleep at Aunt JoAnne's home. I awoke the next morning and was sat at the couch in the living room with Drew; Aunt Jo told us that our dad had died at 12:54 in the morning. I did not cry. I did not speak.
It was about 2 weeks after we buried my father when his dad, my grandpa, was over repairing the air conditioner. I was excited that I got to help! I couldn't wait to tell dad. I sat in his chair waiting for him to get home from work, and as time passed I thought he was running late. I walked to the window to peer out and saw his truck sitting in the drive way. It was this very moment that I finally understood that my dad was gone. He was never coming home, he would never hear my stories, he would never sit in his chair. I had my heart broken by him on many an occasion, but this time, it would never be repaired.
I was 15. My friend Kelly and I spent countless hours in her backyard escaping from reality. We knew everything about each other, that we were at least willing to share. As such, she knew how I wished my father dead. I did so nearly every day. I wanted him gone for the abuses he inflicted upon my brothers and my mother. Despite what I ever endured, it seemed nothing in comparison to my poor mom. She loved him so dearly, did she not see? Looking back from 15 years in the future, I now understand that she did see, and yet her love was unwavering. It is hard to not love someone when the love is there, even when that person breaks your heart continually. I will never say what I would have done in her situation, it is not for me to judge. I know what is considered the best decision, and it was tried but to no avail.
So it was a summer evening that my mom hurried over to Kelly's yard. Her face and eyes were red so I knew something was more serious than normal. It was this moment that I heard the first phrase that I would replay over and over in my head, "they say he has about 2 weeks left". I don't know that I said anything, how could I when the wind was knocked out of me. As soon as my mom was out of hearing range, Kelly said, "looks like you got your wish", yet other phrase I replay in my head. It's this phrase that haunts me to this very day. The phrase that has willed me to never use the word "hate" towards any individual, and the phrase that always makes me think wisely before any wishing is had.
I have to admit that I can't sufficiently recall the details of these two weeks at all. I had for some reason failed to believe that dad could die. He was the cat with nine proverbial lives. He'd lived through much worse. I saw him every day. Every day he lay in that damned hospital bed I would tell him about my daily adventures with Kelly. Surely he wasn't leaving.
At around 6 in the morning the phone rang. I answered at the same time my mom answered. I kept quiet, knowing I needed to hang up, but not wanting to sacrifice the knowledge of the call. The nurse told my mom that "he is slipping into a coma, perhaps having you here to talk to him will keep him from slipping too quickly, and if nothing else, your chance to say goodbye". It was only moments later that the four of us, mom, Dusty, Drew, and myself, were at the hospital, beside dad, who would never speak to us again.
Everyone told me how brave I had been, how it was difficult to go through this, and yet I was strong, not crying, not yielding to the stress. I needed to be strong for my mom, this was no time for faltering will. The reality was though, that it hadn't hit me yet. After a few days of enduring dad's coma, my aunt offered to take me and my brothers to her house for some sleep. I gladly accepted as I was exhausted and knew Drew wouldn't go without me. I walked into dad's room full of loved ones, walked passed the eyes watching me, and to dad's bedside. I looked at his yellowed face and leaned in to say "bye dad, love you". I gave him a kiss on his still lips. I will never forget the feeling of kissing someone and getting no response. It is the most unloved feeling I have ever known.
I don't recall leaving the room, but the next memories I have are of me sitting in the corridor outside his room crying for the first time. I have a memory of a nurse giving me a Popsicle. I know that Aunt JoAnne dropped Dusty off at home since that is where he wanted to be, while Drew and I chose to sleep at Aunt JoAnne's home. I awoke the next morning and was sat at the couch in the living room with Drew; Aunt Jo told us that our dad had died at 12:54 in the morning. I did not cry. I did not speak.
It was about 2 weeks after we buried my father when his dad, my grandpa, was over repairing the air conditioner. I was excited that I got to help! I couldn't wait to tell dad. I sat in his chair waiting for him to get home from work, and as time passed I thought he was running late. I walked to the window to peer out and saw his truck sitting in the drive way. It was this very moment that I finally understood that my dad was gone. He was never coming home, he would never hear my stories, he would never sit in his chair. I had my heart broken by him on many an occasion, but this time, it would never be repaired.
20090708
My Itinerary
For those of you that choose to keep track of me, like Amanda, Holly, and Drew (for mom) . . . here is my itinerary for next week. (This is also my back up copy).
[For reference, STL-St. Louis, ATL-Atlanta, DUB-Dublin, LHR-London Heathrow, GLA-Glasgow, all US flights are Delta booked through Northwest]
DUBLIN
JULY 14 Flight DL1723 STL-ATL 15:15; arrive 17:57
JULY 14 Flight DL0176 ATL-DUB 20:55; arrive 10:00 (+ 1 day)
Hotel Jurys Inn Parnell Street (353 (0)1 878 4900) [In-15th, Out-16th]
LONDON
JULY 16 Flight BD124 DUB-LHR 11:40; arrive 13:00 (44 (0)13 3264 8181) [REF#32L4ZX, bmi]
Hotel Euston Square Hotel (44 (0)20 7388 0099) [In-16th, Out-18th]
GLASGOW
JULY 18 Flight BA1492 LHR-GLA 17:35; arrive 19:00 [REF#32FWHT, British Airways]
Hotel Victorian House Hotel (0141 332 0129) [In-18th, Out-20th]
DUBLIN
JULY 20 Flight AL225 GLA-DUB 10:55; arrive 11:50 [REF#25FJ2N, Aer Lingus]
Hotel Jurys Inn Parnell Street (353 (0)1 878 4900) [In-20th, Out-21st]
HOME
JULY 21 Flight DL0177 DUB-ATL 11:50; arrive 15:45
JULY 21 Flight DL0909 ATL-STL 17:35; arrive 18:20
Anyone wanting to drop me off and/or pick me up at the airport or a Metrolink station may volunteer! ha, like how I threw that in there!
[For reference, STL-St. Louis, ATL-Atlanta, DUB-Dublin, LHR-London Heathrow, GLA-Glasgow, all US flights are Delta booked through Northwest]
DUBLIN
JULY 14 Flight DL1723 STL-ATL 15:15; arrive 17:57
JULY 14 Flight DL0176 ATL-DUB 20:55; arrive 10:00 (+ 1 day)
Hotel Jurys Inn Parnell Street (353 (0)1 878 4900) [In-15th, Out-16th]
LONDON
JULY 16 Flight BD124 DUB-LHR 11:40; arrive 13:00 (44 (0)13 3264 8181) [REF#32L4ZX, bmi]
Hotel Euston Square Hotel (44 (0)20 7388 0099) [In-16th, Out-18th]
GLASGOW
JULY 18 Flight BA1492 LHR-GLA 17:35; arrive 19:00 [REF#32FWHT, British Airways]
Hotel Victorian House Hotel (0141 332 0129) [In-18th, Out-20th]
DUBLIN
JULY 20 Flight AL225 GLA-DUB 10:55; arrive 11:50 [REF#25FJ2N, Aer Lingus]
Hotel Jurys Inn Parnell Street (353 (0)1 878 4900) [In-20th, Out-21st]
HOME
JULY 21 Flight DL0177 DUB-ATL 11:50; arrive 15:45
JULY 21 Flight DL0909 ATL-STL 17:35; arrive 18:20
Anyone wanting to drop me off and/or pick me up at the airport or a Metrolink station may volunteer! ha, like how I threw that in there!
20090701
My Twisted Traits
As you may know, I entered a contest where the only question was, "What is your most twisted trait?". I started out asking my closest friends and family to define that trait for me. I just needed an idea other than the first one that came to my own mind. I later decided to open the question to Facebook and Twitter strangers. I find it amazing what the people that did answer had to say. Below I have compiled a list of these traits that had to vie for the trait which I chose to submit!
TWISTED TRAITS
-That you looooooovvvvvvveeeeeeee pink sheep -Crystal
-Disliking nice people -Amanda
-I’m thinking that the fact that you’re an atheist who occasionally prays is pretty twisted -Christine
-And that you’re seriously prepared for the apocalypse is slightly twisted too - Christine
-Your obsession with sheep definitely borderlines twisted -Eva
-The fact that you have a traveling sheep (no help from me on that) is twisted -Eva
-The fact that you dress [the traveling sheep] up (not that he came with a tie) makes you even more twisted -Eva
-We’ll call each other at the same time and finish sentences (sharing a brain) that’s twisted -Eva
-I'd say it would probably be the way you can criticize and make a person feel bad all in the same sentence! Kind of like Mrs. Aleman! -Drew
-You are an OS [os is what exactly?] -Mike C.
FIRST REACTIONS TO QUESTIONS
-We only get to pick one? -Christine
-It might take me a while to break out the list. -Chris
-Do we only get to pick one? -Will
-Now do you mean twisted as wierd or twisted as you know, f'ed up kinda twisted? -Drew
THINGS I THOUGHT OF ON MY OWN
-I'm twisted because my dream job is to herd sheep! [first thought]
-I like to lay in bed and position myself in various "coffin positions" to see what would seem a best way to rest forever
-When I die, I want to be cremated and my ashes placed in a concrete masonry unit
-Sometimes when I can't sleep, I like to say the 50 US states in alphabetical order, some times I like to count how many of them have double vowels, an "l", etc. just to mix it up
THE TRAIT I CLAIMED
-I'm twisted because I don't trust nice people (eventually you will be chained to their basement wall, among other theories)
Word-
a and b the c of d: Above and Beyond the Call of Duty. Very good.
TWISTED TRAITS
-That you looooooovvvvvvveeeeeeee pink sheep -Crystal
-Disliking nice people -Amanda
-I’m thinking that the fact that you’re an atheist who occasionally prays is pretty twisted -Christine
-And that you’re seriously prepared for the apocalypse is slightly twisted too - Christine
-Your obsession with sheep definitely borderlines twisted -Eva
-The fact that you have a traveling sheep (no help from me on that) is twisted -Eva
-The fact that you dress [the traveling sheep] up (not that he came with a tie) makes you even more twisted -Eva
-We’ll call each other at the same time and finish sentences (sharing a brain) that’s twisted -Eva
-I'd say it would probably be the way you can criticize and make a person feel bad all in the same sentence! Kind of like Mrs. Aleman! -Drew
-You are an OS [os is what exactly?] -Mike C.
FIRST REACTIONS TO QUESTIONS
-We only get to pick one? -Christine
-It might take me a while to break out the list. -Chris
-Do we only get to pick one? -Will
-Now do you mean twisted as wierd or twisted as you know, f'ed up kinda twisted? -Drew
THINGS I THOUGHT OF ON MY OWN
-I'm twisted because my dream job is to herd sheep! [first thought]
-I like to lay in bed and position myself in various "coffin positions" to see what would seem a best way to rest forever
-When I die, I want to be cremated and my ashes placed in a concrete masonry unit
-Sometimes when I can't sleep, I like to say the 50 US states in alphabetical order, some times I like to count how many of them have double vowels, an "l", etc. just to mix it up
THE TRAIT I CLAIMED
-I'm twisted because I don't trust nice people (eventually you will be chained to their basement wall, among other theories)
Word-
a and b the c of d: Above and Beyond the Call of Duty. Very good.
20090630
Crunk On Gatorade
I started my morning off great! Rode my bike into work, drank Gatorade, and really, does anything get better than Gatorade? I think not!
Anyway, I have two really cool gifts to mail out today. I would post what those are, but the recipients read this so it will just have to be a surprise! I did take photos so that once the recipients receive their gifts, I can share with you!
I posted online for the HOK Life blog, I think you should go check it out! (I of course always think you should check out the HOK Life blog)!
Word-
crunk: Highly intoxicated. Combination of "crazy" and "drunk". Made popular by hip-hop artist Lil Jon.
Anyway, I have two really cool gifts to mail out today. I would post what those are, but the recipients read this so it will just have to be a surprise! I did take photos so that once the recipients receive their gifts, I can share with you!
I posted online for the HOK Life blog, I think you should go check it out! (I of course always think you should check out the HOK Life blog)!
I am a traitor. I went yesterday and bought a lime green iPod Nano to replace my stinking bastard of a music player I once called my beloved Zune. The Zune won't work, and it pissed me off, so I traded sides! The blasted Zune still doesn't work, so I am contemplating driving over it tonight just to get some aggression out of my angtsy bones!
For Drew, here is the Chet the Jet link!
Word-
crunk: Highly intoxicated. Combination of "crazy" and "drunk". Made popular by hip-hop artist Lil Jon.
20090522
Cynicism Shined Through
Friday, Friday, Friday . . . oh how I love thee!
Went to the game last night (with the Sutter clan), the last against the Cubs series . . . and it was a glorious sweep! We had bleacher seats, and they were awesome! On a side note, I better see my hat again . . . in ONE piece and alive!
My cynicism shined through as I tried to convince Emily to stay away from the nice boy who is way too nice for his own good. My argument is that the nice guy is just a front. Everybody is mean . . . so I'd rather know your degree of meanness when I meet you up front rather than have you break my heart later. See, the nice guy is the lure, and eventually the nice guy will have you chained to the basement wall. Stop rolling your eyes at me! If you think about it, you know it's true!
I rode my bike into work today so I could go to lunch with others to the Crown Candy Kitchen! This is going to be so fun! Yippee Skippee!
Now . . . I have something very exciting to show you. If you know me at all, you will know that my favorite architect (despite his poor ability to provide quality construction) is Frank Lloyd Wright. One of my favorite toys are Legos (click here for cool Lego dude). So what could be better than FLLW Legos?
Sweetness pours over me! Okay, seriously, keep your head out of the gutter please!
Now, to Drew and Becky, THANK YOU for being awesome peoples that also use made up wordifiles. I had started to wonder if I was the only person to have a unique vocabulary. It's not that I like to brag or anything, but this obviously means we are quite brilliant!
To Chris, THANK YOU for finding me cheap junk yard glass for my car! And thank for saying you will put my car back together. You don't have to do that. But I'm not going to turn down the help either! I'll get you a check when I get home. We need to remember to go to the bank so I can put my ASCE reimbursement check in there this weekend!
To Jeremy, THANK YOU for the recommendation for T-Shirts @ T-shirthell.com. Deadly stuff . . . wrong and deadly stuff!
To Amanda, I believe I have thought of a solution to your problem of having too much on your plate . . . either A) get a bigger plate (but the not the ideal solution) OR B) find another plate to shove some of your "food" onto (seems enough people are doing it to you) OR C) Get that dog Emily wants and shove some of the "food" onto the floor, most dogs will eat anything!
. . . this brilliant mind needs to get to work, so onward I shall go . . .
Word-
purse out: To not do something because of a girly reason, to wuss out. Generally used from one male to another.
Went to the game last night (with the Sutter clan), the last against the Cubs series . . . and it was a glorious sweep! We had bleacher seats, and they were awesome! On a side note, I better see my hat again . . . in ONE piece and alive!
My cynicism shined through as I tried to convince Emily to stay away from the nice boy who is way too nice for his own good. My argument is that the nice guy is just a front. Everybody is mean . . . so I'd rather know your degree of meanness when I meet you up front rather than have you break my heart later. See, the nice guy is the lure, and eventually the nice guy will have you chained to the basement wall. Stop rolling your eyes at me! If you think about it, you know it's true!
I rode my bike into work today so I could go to lunch with others to the Crown Candy Kitchen! This is going to be so fun! Yippee Skippee!
Now . . . I have something very exciting to show you. If you know me at all, you will know that my favorite architect (despite his poor ability to provide quality construction) is Frank Lloyd Wright. One of my favorite toys are Legos (click here for cool Lego dude). So what could be better than FLLW Legos?
Sweetness pours over me! Okay, seriously, keep your head out of the gutter please!
Now, to Drew and Becky, THANK YOU for being awesome peoples that also use made up wordifiles. I had started to wonder if I was the only person to have a unique vocabulary. It's not that I like to brag or anything, but this obviously means we are quite brilliant!
To Chris, THANK YOU for finding me cheap junk yard glass for my car! And thank for saying you will put my car back together. You don't have to do that. But I'm not going to turn down the help either! I'll get you a check when I get home. We need to remember to go to the bank so I can put my ASCE reimbursement check in there this weekend!
To Jeremy, THANK YOU for the recommendation for T-Shirts @ T-shirthell.com. Deadly stuff . . . wrong and deadly stuff!
To Amanda, I believe I have thought of a solution to your problem of having too much on your plate . . . either A) get a bigger plate (but the not the ideal solution) OR B) find another plate to shove some of your "food" onto (seems enough people are doing it to you) OR C) Get that dog Emily wants and shove some of the "food" onto the floor, most dogs will eat anything!
. . . this brilliant mind needs to get to work, so onward I shall go . . .
Word-
purse out: To not do something because of a girly reason, to wuss out. Generally used from one male to another.
20090508
Oxymorons
Oxymoron...I have to admit, just the word itself is entertaining. It sounds to me like an aerobic idiot, perhaps a well oxygenated goofball, at the very least a fool who thought to wash himself with Oxyclean! But, that isn't what it is at all! It's just a word. Most of you of course know what an oxymoron is, but for the sake of explanation I will tell you anyway! Oxymoron: a combination of contradicting words (short giant; stupid genius; quick turtle). So why this topic you wonder? Well coworker Mike P. tweeted a site that I wanted to share. Someone's top 45 oxymorons!
So these are the 5 I liked: Act Naturally, Government Organization, Political Science, Same difference, and plastic glasses.
Which 5 do you like?
Word of the day-
the jacket: The fuzz, the Five-O, the police.
[Drew, did you know this word?]
So these are the 5 I liked: Act Naturally, Government Organization, Political Science, Same difference, and plastic glasses.
Which 5 do you like?
Word of the day-
the jacket: The fuzz, the Five-O, the police.
[Drew, did you know this word?]
20090504
Buckle in Boys and Girls
I have lots to talk about today, so buckle in boys and girls!
Words of the weekend and today-
NSFW: Acronym for "not safe for work". Used to describe Internet content not generally suitable for the typical workplace. Opposite of SFW, "suitable for work".
perma-sweater: Now shirt, no problem; because you're wearing a sweater of body hair all year-round!
Austin, Texas was okay. It would be like coming to St. Louis, but staying out in West County, or Collinsville, Illinois. There was little to do. Fortunately for me, Dr. Cross, my former college professor and advisor, took the same flight there and back, so I ended up having company. I doubt he will ever read this blog, but if he does, thanks again for the ride home, and just your company in general!
Coworker Rachel K., now Rachel P., got married this past weekend. So a great big congratulations to Rachel and Jeff!
Shane sent me some videos to watch, well that turned into me going through all sorts of old Raffi videos! Do you remember Raffi? I miss Raffi and haven't thought of him in years! He had the best songs, and looking back, they are still the best songs! (Also on this note Shane, that puppet thing you watched as a kid is creepy, and I remember number 1 of the code, find a safe place, and have managed to forget the rest . . . oops).
Eva got a new car, a Volvo. Yes it is true that while cruising around in the Volvo she and I appeared to be two young girls borrowing mommy's car; but damn it, that's what a midlife crisis is all about! A major plus is that it has curtain airbags along the entire interior of the car, so she and I do not have to wear helmets!
Tuesday, the next Sookie Stackhouse book comes out. This is going to be very exciting to read!
Kelly G. left another comment to my blog; I know she is reading. That is awesome, so thanks again (I really like you, I could see why some one is so overly joyed by your presence)! I know my sister, my brother Drew, and Becky randomly read, they either have told me in person or have left some comments. Thanks to you three as well. I believe Chris reads because he has said he does, and when I quiz him on it (which I am entitled to do) he knows bits and pieces. That's more than most people so a big thanks to him. I believe Amanda reads, she knows bits and pieces of stuff I have written as well, so if you are reading, a big thanks to you! Dr. Cross and I talked a bit about you, he's very happy with your progression at the Corps!
Jami bought a new semi-hollow body guitar. So, for my birthday, he gave me his old Epiphone guitar (great for learners). I am so excited, Eva took me to Guitar Center to buy some new strings, a tuner, and some books. I eyed up the acoustic guitars, because eventually, if I learn to play this guitar, I want an acoustic. Guitars are awesome. I think my love for them comes from Raffi!
Bernie King, awesome musician that he is, sent me a message (via MySpace) to say hello. Bernie, or as I know him, Crazy B., is Eva's coworker. I know she really enjoys her work and even more so, enjoys working with her business partners. I am very happy she gets to work with some one as crafty and talented as B!
Just a couple of reminders before I go: Mother's Day is Sunday. My birthday is in one week (the 11th). My party is the 16th. If you want to come and did not recieve an invitation, please e-mail me!
Words of the weekend and today-
NSFW: Acronym for "not safe for work". Used to describe Internet content not generally suitable for the typical workplace. Opposite of SFW, "suitable for work".
perma-sweater: Now shirt, no problem; because you're wearing a sweater of body hair all year-round!
the tags:
Amanda,
Bernie King,
Birthday,
Charlaine Harris,
Chris,
Daily,
Dr. Brad Cross,
Drew,
Eva,
Guitars,
Holly,
Jami,
Kelly,
Mother's Day,
Rachel HOK,
Raffi,
Shane,
Texas,
Volvo
20090430
Sleepy Thank You's
Yesterday was a fairly decent day. I was tired all day, not surprising since I'm not sleeping well. Yet again, I didn't sleep well, although last night wasn't about having a bad dream. My legs were agitated, leading me to confirm my belief that I have Restless Leg Syndrome. I lay down to sleep and my legs are just annoyed; so they ached, fidgeted, and kept me awake. My mind is all over the place too. I figure that eventually I will be so tired that I will just crash into the bed and sleep for 24 hours. I'm at least hoping for something like that! I really do want to sleep!
Tonight I have an eye appointment. I came into work early to leave early. I like doing this for a couple of reasons; 1) I get to save some PTO, 2) I get a lot more work done when it's this quiet around me! So I am sure you are wondering why I am blogging when I have other things I should be doing! It's a valid point, I should be working, but I AM multi-tasking. While I wait for my program to load, run an analysis, etc., I write. Thankfully I have Auto Draft Save! What appears to usually be a 15-30 minute written blog is usually over a course of a couple hours!
Anyway, so I have a few thanks and shout outs today.
So, for those of you reading, I hope you will at least leave a comment to let me know you read. It's nice to know who is out there and to know how you are doing! So Chris, Drew, Becky, Maureen, Eva, Sharline, Kelly G., Mike C., Holly, Skweak, Shane, Jason, Amanda, Sara, Dusty, Rancid... thanks for reading; be sure to comment or send me a message so I know what you are up to or at least let me know that you are okay! You should know by now that I am a worrier!
Word of the day-
no diggity: No doubt; for sure.
Tonight I have an eye appointment. I came into work early to leave early. I like doing this for a couple of reasons; 1) I get to save some PTO, 2) I get a lot more work done when it's this quiet around me! So I am sure you are wondering why I am blogging when I have other things I should be doing! It's a valid point, I should be working, but I AM multi-tasking. While I wait for my program to load, run an analysis, etc., I write. Thankfully I have Auto Draft Save! What appears to usually be a 15-30 minute written blog is usually over a course of a couple hours!
Anyway, so I have a few thanks and shout outs today.
I wanted to say thank you to Kelly G. for reading my blogs yesterday. Well, I don't know what, or even how many she read, but I know she at least read one blog, she left a comment. That counts, so thanks!
Thanks again to Kelly G., an accomplished English teacher, for choosing not to comment on my "run-on-sentence" style of writing!
I want to say thank you to Chris for shutting the window because the damned frogs that are breeding in the pool are loud jerks that are inconsiderate, and to think I feel compelled to save them! (Well, yea, I still feel compelled to create a loving eco-system for them in the back yard so they'll stay out of the damned pool)!
Thanks to Eva who made an awesome invitation for my birthday party...thanks for throwing me a party! Thanks for making such a cute invitation for my party! Thanks for letting me dress up in ultra-sweet 50's clothes and bowling shoes! Despite how I may act, I am looking forward to it! (If you didn't get an invite and want one, write me)!
A shout out to Sharline who is passing exams at a spectacular rate and doing well with her new job. I am very excited for you!
Thanks to Holly for responding to my blog. Glad to know you are getting through the paper stacks. Hang in there!
Thanks to Shane for playing some great tunes for me, I always appreciate it! I am very glad to see you are figuring out this blog thing even if you still have no idea what purpose it serves!
Thanks to Mike C. for ... wait, have you been nice to me at all this week? Just kidding doll! Thank you for checking out the HOK Life blog, and looking at my bio! I love writing, and getting to write for work is a lot of fun. Especially when they let me be me (read the bio)!
Thanks to Seth for saying that the short 1.6 mile bike ride from my house to the bus station is considered riding my bike to work; therefore allowing me to participate in National Bike Month!
Happy Birthday Clint!
So, for those of you reading, I hope you will at least leave a comment to let me know you read. It's nice to know who is out there and to know how you are doing! So Chris, Drew, Becky, Maureen, Eva, Sharline, Kelly G., Mike C., Holly, Skweak, Shane, Jason, Amanda, Sara, Dusty, Rancid... thanks for reading; be sure to comment or send me a message so I know what you are up to or at least let me know that you are okay! You should know by now that I am a worrier!
Word of the day-
no diggity: No doubt; for sure.
20090429
They Were Going to Take My Shoes
Wow, it's a quiet day. No special blogs to speak of, no people around to tell stories about, just quiet. This is surreal, am I dreaming? No probably not.
I recall a dream last night about having to go to a facility to take a class about handling radioactive material. Amanda had to go with me, but once we got through the doors, I lost her. Terry M. and Karen C. from HOK were there. We were in a building that kept shaking (imagine being inside a trailer while it's traveling at say, 65 miles per hour). I was really nauseated in this dream. They confiscated my cameras, my cell phone, all of my loose change in my purse, and even my barrettes. I was upset about them taking my belongings, but mostly upset because they ruined the film in one of my cameras, and they took my cell phone (and I was texting Mike and Shane). I woke up while I was in this shaking room just before they were going to take my shoes, I honestly did not want to fall back asleep for fear of continuing my dream so I just let myself doze in and out of rest for about 2 hours this morning. Therefore, I am still rather exhausted.
I suppose I will take this opportunity to ask what is going on these days with you? I haven't heard from Becky much at all on the Internets, I hope I didn't upset her about my comments on the photos. It was the last correspondence we've had. I know how Mike is doing, and well, I worry about him. I suppose more than I should, but I worry a lot about people some times. I haven't heard anything from Maureen, and from her few status updates, she appears to be wildly busy with brain work stuff. I saw Holly just recently and am wondering how close to being done she is with her stack of paper work. I've only vaguely corresponded with Drew, enough to know he is a ray of sunshine.
Okay, well that wraps up this morning. If you were looking for something interesting, check out this blog about art in dirty cars!
Word of the day-
badinkadink: A small, usually cute rear end on a female. As opposed to badonkadonk or badunkadunk, which is an extremely curvaceous female behind with moderately wide hips and a large amount of booty cleavage.
I recall a dream last night about having to go to a facility to take a class about handling radioactive material. Amanda had to go with me, but once we got through the doors, I lost her. Terry M. and Karen C. from HOK were there. We were in a building that kept shaking (imagine being inside a trailer while it's traveling at say, 65 miles per hour). I was really nauseated in this dream. They confiscated my cameras, my cell phone, all of my loose change in my purse, and even my barrettes. I was upset about them taking my belongings, but mostly upset because they ruined the film in one of my cameras, and they took my cell phone (and I was texting Mike and Shane). I woke up while I was in this shaking room just before they were going to take my shoes, I honestly did not want to fall back asleep for fear of continuing my dream so I just let myself doze in and out of rest for about 2 hours this morning. Therefore, I am still rather exhausted.
I suppose I will take this opportunity to ask what is going on these days with you? I haven't heard from Becky much at all on the Internets, I hope I didn't upset her about my comments on the photos. It was the last correspondence we've had. I know how Mike is doing, and well, I worry about him. I suppose more than I should, but I worry a lot about people some times. I haven't heard anything from Maureen, and from her few status updates, she appears to be wildly busy with brain work stuff. I saw Holly just recently and am wondering how close to being done she is with her stack of paper work. I've only vaguely corresponded with Drew, enough to know he is a ray of sunshine.
Okay, well that wraps up this morning. If you were looking for something interesting, check out this blog about art in dirty cars!
Word of the day-
badinkadink: A small, usually cute rear end on a female. As opposed to badonkadonk or badunkadunk, which is an extremely curvaceous female behind with moderately wide hips and a large amount of booty cleavage.
20090421
I Wrote About YOU
I'm fairly certain that no one reads this. Sure, I might average about 8 views a blog, but that's just a view, not a read. And that's just MySpace, no one dare travel into the realm of my Blogosphere!
I can visualize how this happens: The reader (whom I will call You), opens up the blog, skims through to see the length. Short=read; long=skim through for Your name, a silly link, a picture/video, a punchline, or just the word of the day. It's okay, I'm a blog reader, I can relate! Sometimes there just isn't enough time in the day to read blogs, You have to be choosy! [Christine, Grace, Eva]
Have You ever met some one that is all wrapped up in something You don't understand or that perhaps You think is too radical? Maybe she's just too wrapped up in anything for You? Perhaps You are thinking this about me and my blogs? Or sheep? [Elvis, Kim, Emily, Amanda, Shane]
That's okay, it's understandable. We all go through life with this social understanding of things. Depending on the society in which we learned, these behaviours may vary widely.
Well now to my point.
Stop caring what other people might think. If You believe in something, stand up for it. Don't wait for some one else to stand up for it, that may never happen friend! [Jami]
I care about the waste that we as humans produce (as Americans, "land of plenty" mentality, we are huge wasters, for this I am ashamed of US). Tomorrow is Earth Day and I challenge You, I challenge EVERYONE to reduce waste. Try to not throw anything away. Try to reuse everything that can be reused. Try to buy products with less packaging. Try to recycle anything that can be recycled (and in fact try to have nothing that needs to be recycled). Try composting! Just TRY! Please! Trying makes up so much of what we should accomplish in this world. Trying is usually what we give up on. Please just try! [Drew]
I know You will do the right thing! [Holly]
Word of the day (thanks for scrolling here!):
porn storm: Surfing for porn and getting bombarded with pop-up windows.
20090417
Pale Expressionless Face
I claim to be neither a religous person or a skeptic. I've recently grown into a postion of pure uncertainty that allows me to hope more than search. I read an article this morning that I found quite appealing. I call this article "This is your brain . . . and this is your brain on God".
In addition to that, I wrote a blog on Wordpress about Twitter and these fun guys called hashtags. I'm certain that a handful of people reading this are chuckling a little to themselves about the phrase "hashtag". I chuckled myself when I first read it. That's okay, I think if you are at Twitter fan, you will soon appreciate them!
To recap yesterday, it was a decent day. HOK St. Louis finished up our RecycOlympics with Rocco Danna taking the overall gold medal! The medals were awesome (made from used products). As I am writing this in the morning, I have not yet seen any results posted in the HOK Life blog. Hopefully I will be able to do a post script [P.S.] to this blog later giving you the link! I met Amanda at the gym where we walked outside and got some fresh air and shared some stories.
Today I dressed up like a girl in a cute brown skirt with a nice top and brown jacket. I even put on a little make up to cover up the pale expressionless face I woke up with this morning. I'm hoping to have a good day. Today is the sustainable swap so I'm hoping to leave here with at least a camera or a composter. There is a bike rack I may choose to take for Eva if the other opportunites do not arise.
On a whole other quick topic, I believe I saw my brother Drew on the news last night. They showed a clip of MSD crews working on a broken sewer line. Despite the utterly smelly mess he has to work in, I'm sure he'll be loving the extra work he gets from this disaster.
Word-
alcologic: Explanations given by a person who has been drinking and that only makes sense to them.
In addition to that, I wrote a blog on Wordpress about Twitter and these fun guys called hashtags. I'm certain that a handful of people reading this are chuckling a little to themselves about the phrase "hashtag". I chuckled myself when I first read it. That's okay, I think if you are at Twitter fan, you will soon appreciate them!
To recap yesterday, it was a decent day. HOK St. Louis finished up our RecycOlympics with Rocco Danna taking the overall gold medal! The medals were awesome (made from used products). As I am writing this in the morning, I have not yet seen any results posted in the HOK Life blog. Hopefully I will be able to do a post script [P.S.] to this blog later giving you the link! I met Amanda at the gym where we walked outside and got some fresh air and shared some stories.
Today I dressed up like a girl in a cute brown skirt with a nice top and brown jacket. I even put on a little make up to cover up the pale expressionless face I woke up with this morning. I'm hoping to have a good day. Today is the sustainable swap so I'm hoping to leave here with at least a camera or a composter. There is a bike rack I may choose to take for Eva if the other opportunites do not arise.
On a whole other quick topic, I believe I saw my brother Drew on the news last night. They showed a clip of MSD crews working on a broken sewer line. Despite the utterly smelly mess he has to work in, I'm sure he'll be loving the extra work he gets from this disaster.
Word-
alcologic: Explanations given by a person who has been drinking and that only makes sense to them.
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