The End of Time Apparently Did Not Have an Appointment

I waited for it yesterday, the end of time. But it never really ended. The day started, it progressed, I got sucked into work late to come home and exercise all without the end of time. I played video games, I read a book, I showered, I snuggled with the dogs, again, all without the end of time.

Call it what you will, Armageddon (an epic battle associated with the end time); the Apocalypse (the eschatological final battle of end of the world; Omnicide (human extinction as a result of human action); or Doomsday (occurrence which has an exceptionally destructive effect on the human race), I expected it all to happen yesterday.

Why? A few reasons I suppose. It just feels like it's about time (or should be). Also, I had figured my hoping for the end of time might encourage it along, frankly I'm tired and I could use the eternal sleep. Lastly, the thing that pops into my mind is social health care, but I'll stop the conversation short since I don't discuss politics.

Oh well, here we are, without the end of time. I suppose I'll make a day of it and enjoy the weather by having a picnic with the dogs.

Maker, Day 2

Dear Maker,

Hi, it's me again. Are you mad at me? I kind of feel like you are mad at me. It's okay if you are, I just want to know. Some of us are, well you know, not omniscient!



The thing is, I need to mentally prepare myself for things like your anger or your punishments. I've heard the stories of said anger. I had sort of hoped the Apocalypse would come yesterday. In fact, I am sure there were a few of us waiting, but I don't belong to that cult so I don't really know (I didn't like their choice of shoes). I sort of have my own cult, I'm the only member (I don't have creepy enough eyes to get followers). Anyway, off topic as usual! Back to my lack of Apocalypse, it's okay, I get it, there were some others asking for a non-Apocalyptic day. We just can't please everyone can we? [me now winking at God with mouth half opened as any proper wink should be performed]

I should also take this opportunity to say that there are people here (I'm sure you know, being omniscient and all) that are improperly using what you gave them (i.e., brains, or wait, did you forget some people when handing out brains?). I find it really annoying. For example, Winkers. These are wrong, I disapprove. What can you about this?

I realize that there are more important things happening in the world for which I should focus, but my altruism just isn't here today; and you know I'm altruistic about doing the right things! Please forgive me.

Anyway, I have to get back to working on the most impossible building. [me now having tears welling up in eyes while my chest tightens]

Skeptically Your Apostate,
Me


Word...
Hasselhoffing: The act of changing a colleague's desktop wallpaper to display the manly physique of David Hasselhoff. [Ed. Note: I expect someone I know to do this to someone they work with (pics required) for my amusement. I kind of think Ray would be a fun target, but that's just because he can take a joke]

Maker

Dear Maker,

Where is my Apocalypse?

Sincerely,
Me

P.S.: Say hello to Dad and Darwin for me and also, thanks for Guy and Rodd!

Heh, I like camels!

I've always wanted to attempt this!

Words...
walk of shame: When a woman leaves the home of a man (quite possibly one she met the night before) in the early morning hours-hair sticking out in all directions, make up half gone, with her undies in a pocket or her purse.
I'm not gay seat: The empty seat in a movie theater that two males leave between them to show the rest of the audience they are straight.

5 Lessons

Have you ever thought to yourself, "wow, smart people can do some really stupid things and sure don't know as much as they should"? For instance,I know this really smart, super intelligent fellow engineer who did not know in which time zone we lived. Been here her whole life, didn't know, coming from the same person that blows me away with book smarts! Then there are the really smart guys that still manage to catch themselves on fire! It blows me away trying to understand so I choose not to understand! I know where I'm going with this idea, I am choosing not to verbalize though, just a silly thought in a smart person's head.

I wanted to mention a few things that I thought people should know.

First:
When planning for the Apocalypse (see previous post), there are other things that might be really helpful or at least desirable, such as: clean underwear for when you literally crap yourself out of fear; a coat or blanket in case the world should freeze; a good pair of pink boots for both wearing and using as a signal of existence, a flare would also work in this case; a lighter and/or matches; a gun and perhaps several bullets (you and your friends who survive may just choose to shoot each other until one poor sap is left); a life jacket; extra socks, a lesson I learned from Ireland, just take the extra socks!

Second:
Don't bother thinking, there's no point to it! Half the time it's good, half the time it's bad, and the non-thinkers I meet are happy and carefree and just as well off as I am, except happy! So don't even think!

Third:
Revit is very cool and awesome and useful, etc. Don't be afraid of the change, it's sometimes fun!

Fourth:
When I say I am usually right and you are probably wrong, it's true. I might have a very misguided, confused, distorted, and harsh view of reality and this thing called life; but it's like the number 42, it just is, nothing else to ponder! For pondering, see my second note of this blog!

Fifth:
If you are on fire, roll on the ground!

Okay, so that sums of a few of my lessons for the day. I feel better already having cynically written. I should warn you that I will be out of town for the next couple of days, but I will journal my adventures and add them to my stephysite-vacay.blogspot.com blog when I ever get through Ireland and Taiwan. I'm slow (in so many ways), deal with it!

Word of the day:
showmance: A "show romance" that develops between reality show contestants or participants, especially one that ends as soon as the show is over. Often a ploy to gain more camera time.

Worst Day Since Yesterday

So, have you ever thought to yourself that the whole world is caving in, and the best place to be is right smack dab in the middle of it, just to get life over with? I really hate for people to know I am depressed, but this is just one of those times that I cannot successfully hide it. I can't pretend. So I figure that if you are reading this, you either know me, and already know I'm waiting for the Apocalypse to finally come through; or you have no idea who I am and I can at least provide you with some good reading. Writing by the way, in my very sarcastic undertones can usually cheer me up some, I wonder if this is how Emily Dickenson felt!?!?

It's been a rough week, for me and others. I've got my own silly troubles to panic over. I bully my husband into doing whatever I unfairly want. I have a friend who passes out and has seizures on a regular basis that freaks me out every time, and I can do nothing to help, and he doesn't answer his phone. I have a friend in the hospital with rare pregnancy complications. Work is overwhelming. Chris has to find a new job when jobs just aren't available. I have a small handful of people that I talk to when I'm this stressed and depressed, but everyone is suffering about something so it's hard to vent when everyone else needs to borrow a shoulder to cry on. It seems like every day, something else gets added to this stack of things that I can barely deal with. I don't know how any of us are dealing with any of this stuff!

So my day started wryly at work when I was told there were problems with the project whose deadline is Thursday. There just isn't anything to ease this tension. The morning has just gotten worse when I received an e-mail that my friend's dad has 2-3 weeks left. It's hard news to take. I've listened to my friend talk about the ups and downs of his battle for some time now, and she's a very strong person, and will force herself to be strong for her siblings. Despite my very depressed mood, I will force myself to be strong for her, it's the very least I can do. I will cry though, like a baby (since I already am, I know it will be worse as time moves ahead).

So since she let me vent for a very long time yesterday at lunch, I will write about something that she mentioned she was waiting for me to write. My preparedness for the Apocalypse.

If there is any number one life lesson I have ever learned, it is that one should always carry a towel! Douglas Adams fans will understand this. Otherwise you should probably learn! I prefer to use mine to wipe my face after crying, which as you may know, I do often! The second thing I do to feel prepared for the Apocalypse is carry around a canned good as well as a granola bar. The granola bar is more ideal than canned goods because I'm not sure how to open a can with no can opener. I do carry a knife, which is vital, and number three on my preparedness list; however, I'm not too sure I can open a can with just a knife. Some very clever people would know, but I'm not one of those guys. Number four is merely a recommendation to carry around your passport at all times. You never know when you'll have to jump ship to a new country, so be ready. That applies to the Apocalypse, and life in general! A cup, preferably with a lid is number five. If you need to catch rain water, you will be so happy to have said cup. Number six is important to me, and would probably be number one if the others didn't seem so important, and this would be the few photographs I keep at my desk that have been dragged from school to my first job, and from there to my current employer. Sometimes those are what get me through, carrying them has gotten tedious, so for now, they are stowed at my desk so I can stare at them when needed. I won't elaborate on the exact nature of the photos, maybe one day you'll get to see if you are in there! Number seven is music, I don't know about you, but I imagine the Apocalypse being very loud and noisy. Now, it's possible that you would want your best ears on for hearing all of this ruckus, but I prefer to just block everything out with great music. Be sure to have a mixture so if you are sappy, you have music for that, and if you are feisty you have music for that! I plan on going out skankin'! Number eight, make sure to have a cell phone. Landlines are very very important for the Cell Phone Revolution! I can elaborate on that in another blog. But for the Apocalypse, have your cell phone, at least you can go out having a casual conversation with some one else who was smart enough to have prepared! Number nine, a camera. Yes, a camera! Yes Amanda, A CAMERA!!! Number ten is a notebook and pen to journal your adventures. Should anyone survive the Apocalypse, they'll want to know all the gritty details. Should no one survive the Apocalypse, future evolved generations of 'people' are going to learn to read our writings and will want to know all the gritty details. I'm sure you have questions like "what will you do with no power to charge your cell phone, camera, or music player?", and "will one can of soup do?", or even "won't you burn faster with so many combustibles?", don't fret, I am prepared to answer all of these questions, so please comment as you see fit and I will handle these as necessary!

Now, a very fitting and morose word of the day:

plead the Second: To whip out a gun, similar to pleading the 5th (remaining silent), except this refers to the Second Amendment of the US Constitution (right to bear arms).

I only choose to use the calendar's example because it is so damn funny to me! In use: When my PO was sweatin' me about why my whiz test turned up positive for coke, heroin, and seven varieties of elephant tranquilizers, I had no choice but to plead the second and put his narc ass in his place.

Sweet Jeff Tweedy

I was going to write about one of the following: the apocalypse (and my preparedness), Mardi Gras, Teaching at SIUE, or guitars (redemption song and crazy little thing called love). Perhaps I will since I just started writing this today, and since I am really bustin' a move to get a shop drawing submittal out, I will randomly write parts of my blog when I need a break from my yellow hi-liter and red pen. Drew, you recall those days of transferring redmarks for me? Yea, well, I don't have to transfer those marks anymore, I make them once and get my copies scanned these days. It's really a sweet deal going green and all. Anyway, so back to what I was saying, I don't know what I'll get time to write about, it's sort of a crap shoot. For those readers unfamiliar with a 'crap shoot', it refers to a dice game called Craps, where everything is random and based on chance. I know this because my Urban Dictionary from which I give you the word of the day has a website where you can look up such things as crap shoot!

So I did at least want to talk about music for a brief (or rather not so brief) moment. I wanted to say that I really want to go to both Bonnaroo and the NO Jazz Fest this year. Now I have to admit that I really am NOT, let me specify NOT a fan of either. Let me elaborate. Bonnaroo is a smelly music festival for hippies and hordes of unbathed men who travelled in a shoddy van for hundreds of miles to great Tennessee where scary things are bound to happen. I am neither a hippie (another blog, another day), nor a smelly man from a scary horde! The NOJF takes place in possibly one of the smelliest cities in the world, New Orleans. I like it there, it's nostalgic and architecturally rich, and even a little spooky, but ungodly smelly. Not to mention that I think Jazz is A.D.H.D. for music. I love just random odd stuff, but sometimes Jazz is hard to listen to, nothing to follow, no organization, no structure. Jazz that HAS structure is great, without it, oh, my brain spins in all directions trying to make sense of the world! Anyway, now you know how I feel about these festivals, and you are wondering, "if you dislike them so much, why do you want to go"? Let me tell you some people that are playing: Beastie Boys, NIN, WILCO, Elvis Costello, Bela Fleck, Ben Harper, Coheed and Cambria, and Robyn Hitchcock. THAT is just Bonnaroo! Now I would travel a ridiculous length for Wilco, Robyn H. and Elvis C. Seriously I can't say that enough! The others would just be perks so to speak, but damn, Wilco, oh sweet Jeff Tweedy! I just can't say that enough, do you believe me yet? Okay so NOJF: Joe Cocker, DB-Truckers, Wilco, Etta James, B.t Ezra, and enough Zydeco to drive a person batty! Did you see Wilco in that list? I thought you did, do I need to say o' sweet Jeff Tweedy again?? Ok, oh sweet Jeff Tweedy! So there, now you know my over-exhilaration for Wilco and Jeff Tweedy.

So back to the fest's. I won't be going to either of these. Another year perhaps? Anyway, you might be wondering what brought this on, well, I have my Zune on shuffle, and Jeff Buckley's Hallelujah came to play. If you've never heard it, you should, I'll even let you borrow my headphones. Close your eyes, listen to the breath he takes at the very beginning, listen to the strain in his voice, and the lack thereof as well. Listen to the guitar. I don't even know who plays the guitar in this song, but it's heavenly, if such a word can be used to describe it! Oh sweet Jeff Buckley! He unfortunately died because he was stupid enough to step into the Mighty Mississippi and drowned. But I was thinking what a treat it would have been to see and hear him live. I don't want to miss those chances with other musicians such as Wilco.

So that should have been much shorter but I got on a tangent. So I will save my topics, (the apocalypse (and my preparedness), Mardi Gras, Teaching at SIUE, guitars (redemption song and crazy little thing called love), and now hippies) for another day and another blog!

Here's to wishing Rachel yet another 'get well soon'. Shane, stay out of the hospital unless it is of course absolutely necessary. Drew, stop worrying about the piggies. Go out and blog!

Here's the word of the day:
Leave Britney Alone: An exclamation made when your friends or family are teasing you to a point where you can't handle it anymore and a hissy fit is in order. Derived from a YouTube user's famed outburst following Britney's lackluster performance at the 2007 VMA's.

In use:
Chic 1: OMG Susan, I can't believe you wore that skirt two days in a row, and everyone knows what you did with Kevin. And, you are looking a little fat today!
Chic 2: LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE

Dead Version of Him

So this morning, as I wait for others to get to the office, I will write my daily blog. The problem with getting to work early is that often when things need to be done by others, I must wait. Anyway, so I had a lot of thoughts about what I wanted to write about today, so in my most awful penmanship, I jotted them down.

For starters, when I walked in today, I had to weave through a massive crowd of athletes all waiting to climb the stairs of my building. Here at Met. Square, is this crazy thing called, Master the Met, where individuals climb the stairs to the 42nd floor. Yea, I briefly thought about doing it, but when exercise without the stair climbing makes my knee swell to the size of a cantaloupe, I think maybe I should avoid this obstacle in life! So to the elevators I go, "Elevator going up"!

So speaking of hellish things like stair climbing, last night I had some nightmares. Actually two nightmares, but the same one twice (if that made sense). The basic premise of the dream is that my father killed my grandparents, chopped up their bodies and put them in a clear plastic trash bag stuffed in a closet in the basement of my house. Well in my dream the house that was "mine", was actually my family's (we're a happy family; me, mom, and dad) but actually took place in what is today my grandfather's house. In the dream, the guy who was my father was the dead version of him, the guy from the casket anyway. My mom was herself, but young like in her photos. My older brother and I were as we are today, but my younger brother was small, like 3 or 4, when I used to take care of him in those family crises that meant my older brother and I would sneak, with baby brother to the car (sweet Nova), get into the back seat, slink down real low and hide! Anyway, that's a whole different nightmare I called reality that doesn't get discussed; so in the dream, I find out that my father did this and I have to get my brothers out of the house so they don't find out. Well I don't know how the dream ended in this version, but the smell was very real, and awful. I cried a lot in this version of the dream, imagine that, I cry a lot all the time! In the second version, the basic same thing happened, but I had to tell my mom what happened and show her the body parts. I had to sneak us out of the house, I had to get clothes for everyone, I had to get our valuables. At the end, before calmly walking out the door, I told my dad not to take all of this personally, that he would always be my daddy, no matter how old I was. I got in my car with family and things in tow and started to drive off when my older brother jumped out of the car to get, of all things, the hose! By this point we were fleeing for our lives so I had to run out and help him as fast as I could and I was falling and trying to move without being able to do so. I was wakened by my alarm, so I'll never know how that dream ends, thankfully.

Since I woke up with what felt like little sleep because of nightmares, I got dressed half asleep. What was I thinking, red and white striped socks with pink and gray plaid loafers. Really what was I thinking??!!??!! Anyway in addition to my "getting ready soap box", I realized as I brushed my teeth, that I will be a really overburdening mother. I'll always be saying things like "stand up straight", "tie your shoes", "eat your food", "take your medicine", "stop slouching", "squeeze the toothpaste from the end of the tube", "pull the shower curtain out to dry", "clean up your mess", "wipe up your crumbs" . . . . etc. That could a really frightening thing to do to another human being. Poor children! Speaking of moms and children, I'd like to wish my preggo friend Rachel a speedy recovery. Such an enigma she is indeed!

Okay, so I've written a lot already, so I'll save the following topics for another day this week, the apocalypse (and my preparedness), Mardi Gras, Teaching at SIUE, and guitars (redemption song and crazy little thing called love).

I'd like to give you the word of the day and finish this with a tiny list of small things that make me happy.

tramp stamp: A tattoo above a woman's ass crack. In use: Her pants were so low cut, you could see her tramp stamp

A few of my favorite things:
-The sound of a guitar, more specifically when you can hear the finger glide along the strings of a guitar.
-Lyrics, especially the kind that mean something to you
-Being so sleepy that there is no lying awake thinking and staring
-The way Listerine kills germs, and anything inside the mouth, I'm amazed I still have a tongue!
-My favorite T-shirt, the Airstream T-shirt!