I Lost the Election

Phew, it's one of those days, but thus far productive!

First I want to say that I in no way intend to offend anyone who reads. For instance, the whole "strictly 2 kids per couple" ideology...well, I am part of 4 siblings; my sister has 4 wonderful children; my dad was 1 of 5 children and my mom was 1 of 5. I love each of these people completely independent of some numeric embodiment. My ideas are just that, my ideas. So, never take anything I say personally. I don't want to judge you. I don't want to judge anyone! I'd rather see that you are different and learn from you than for you to think I'm unswayable in opinion! Got it? It's just that I honestly write for me, so I splatter my slobbery words all over this blog, and rarely think before hitting the "Publish Post" button!

Now I want to say that I made awesome apple pies. I plan on writing my first food blog soon! So stayed tuned for that!

I heard from Shane again, who claims he will be "ok". I can only assume he won't lie to me, and while he appears to have never made a huge effort to lie to me, I don't trust people, so I can only have some faith in this instance [faith is something I have little of].

I also heard from Holly, I am glad to see she is alive and functioning about the best she can! Keep the chin up sis! She was also able to provide me with some insight and opinions, which I always appreciate!

I made this blog/site for an organization I am involved in: http://www.seistudents.com. I volunteer for a lot of stuff, SEI-St. Louis for one, of which I am the chairman only because I lost the election. I need to learn to say no, so, yea, give me any tips you can. I typically feel guilty for saying no, and yet I can be so mean...how does this work exactly?? Really though, I blog for work and enjoy it. I used to do a newsletter for SEAKM (another eng. org.) and I enjoyed it for a period of time. This little web thing I'm doing it fun for the moment. I feel so compelled to help people I almost don't notice the stress and socialization required. It all catches up with me though! Eh, whatcha gonna do?

A Pros and Cons List

I may not be the smartest girl, I may not always make the right choices, but I do have some principles I try to live by; for example, these days I try to avoid negatively impacting anyone's life. Now there will certainly be times that this cannot be helped. If you hit me, I will hit back; SHWAP, negative impact. If you insult me, I will sharpen my pencil and jab you back; SHWAP, negative impact. If you make me design a nasty and huge cantilever, I will get cranky; SCHWAP, negative impact.

So, now, when it comes to having children, I have to make a pros and cons list. You might think that you know me, and as such, you would believe that I'd be decent with kids. You might suspect that I would encourage them to do well in anything they desire, I could be an inspiration, I could harbor intelligent beings...I will not deny those possibilities. But, if we are going to consider possibilities, there are some others that must be thought of, as I would not want to have a bad impact on children especially. Here is part of my list...

One Hand	The Other
a.k.a. the pros	a.k.a. the cons
Having seen the humans that have reproduced, I feel compelled to provide at least one decent human being for the future. This is not arrogance, it is the reality of things	Having seen the quantity of human beings on this planet, we need no more, I have strict moral/ethic beliefs in any couple having 2 kids, one to replace each adult...seems no one follows my logic
	I think my patience would run low very quickly
	I can suffer from severe depression, I worry one day it will go too far, my children would be motherless; what if it were one of my children that found me??; what if my children thought I didn't love them; what if they thought I was weak??
I think I would be good with kids	If my depression is hereditary, I do not want to pass it along. I never, and mean fucking never want someone to suffer from this. It hurts in ways I can't explain.
Apple picking would be more fun that it already is!	Postpartum Depression...could kill myself, the child, or both.
	Screaming kids make me want to smack them, and people can't just go around smacking their kids these days!

Seems I'm stuck. People think I am a terrible person. I don't like to judge anyone else, but it seems they like to judge me. They think I'm immoral and unjust. They think my logic is flawed. They think I'm a monster. It's sad that when I speak out on my truths, I'm judged for them, thus pushing me back into my corner to hide. It makes me realize that I can't speak out. It makes my heart break, more than it's already bruised and tattered. But I guess on the good side, there is at least one person in this world that takes the consideration of children serious! Also on the good side, the dogs don't need to stress about being replaced too soon!!

Quotes, Stories, and Other Things

Some quotes and stories, perhaps for your amusement!

• "Well, if you take that away, it's gone"-nameless engineer
  [Really?]

• Person 1: "...decontam?"
  Person 2: "Deacon Dam? What's this?"
  Person 1: "No no, DEE-CON-TAM..."
  Person 1: "Hmm, Deacon Dam, I don't know where this is."

• One fine summer day, Eva and I ate lunch at a place called Johnny Rocket's [or something of the sort], where they have really cool jukeboxes sitting on every table. Place a nickel in and choose a lovely 50's-60's genre tune with lunch!
  
  As it always goes with the two of us together, a small child was drawn to our power. [It happens often that children are drawn to staring at us, creeping over seats or under tables to look closer, have a chat, or even steal some food. We've grown accustomed to this behavior, so this incident here was no big deal]. A small boy, maybe 3-4 years old decided he wanted to play music. Of all the tables in the diner, empty or not, the boy chose to venture towards us with his nickel. He braced himself against our table doing a slight heaving motion to reach the box. He was literally hovering over our food and drinks struggling with all his might to get to play a song. His mother finally notices and gathers him up with much effort. He was determined to play a song, and not on any jukebox, our jukebox! I do not recall if he ever got to play a tune!

• Eva and I were eating dinner at a lovely place called Noodles & Co. one fine afternoon before catching the English Beat show. As we are minding our own business having a conversation Eva notices a small child creeping ever closer to us. We both began doing the side glances by the time he was sitting next to us staring. I turned to say hello to find the boy, Damien, very chatty. It didn't take any time to jump onto the "oddity" boat by asking me, "why is your head so small?", to which I could only laugh and cry a little!

• "..For the rest of us who generally live vicariously through the interactions of our 72 dpi avatars..." -@FrankieP

• "Gramma was hot....but that baby...uh, well not so much" -Amanda

• ...the past few years I had to tone down because of sexual harassment issues, but I used to be the kind of guy that would flirt with every female I worked with except for one. One day she called me on it and said that she'd use the excuse 'not my type' except usually 'not my type' means I think the husband looks like the kind of guy that would shoot a naked guy in the back if he saw him running away..." -anon

• "Yesterday we were talking about MPR calculations for a person taking a drug therapy. Basically its to measure a person’s adherence to their medication. Well the calculation is a rolling calc and is constantly moving.
  
  So we were talking about the Depression Medication Adherence and how the calculation is always moving. So Bobby is trying to explain how “the window for it is always moving”; Pete looks at me and says “that’s so they can’t jump out of it!”...-anon
  

• In reference to my loading diagram plans..."your work is pretty, but it tells me absolutely nothing" -Jim [thanks buddy, gave me a good laugh]

• A doodle...

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word...
Dirty Third: A synonym for the Dirty South; derived from the terms "Dirty South" and "Third Coast".

Only Kids Can Ever Imagine

Downtown St. Louis smells good today. It has a sort of fishy and rainy smell. In Kiener Plaza, the landscapers are out mowing the lawn, and there, in that tiny location, it has the heavenly smell of fresh cut grass! But really, it's not what I am here to write about. I don't want to waste your time, so I'm getting to the point . . .

I read in another blog about a young art director . . . please I urge you to go read it because it's adorable! And, best yet, artistic in ways only kids can ever imagine! If I were at all artistic, I would borrow some one's child to get some ideas for art work!

Bill Zeman and his Daughter

Now, be supportive of the arts and buy something from this guy if you like him, but please DO NOT steal his work and use it. You know how it goes . . . you gotta make a living some how right! Images © Bill Zeman.