I Lost the Election

Phew, it's one of those days, but thus far productive!

First I want to say that I in no way intend to offend anyone who reads. For instance, the whole "strictly 2 kids per couple" ideology...well, I am part of 4 siblings; my sister has 4 wonderful children; my dad was 1 of 5 children and my mom was 1 of 5. I love each of these people completely independent of some numeric embodiment. My ideas are just that, my ideas. So, never take anything I say personally. I don't want to judge you. I don't want to judge anyone! I'd rather see that you are different and learn from you than for you to think I'm unswayable in opinion! Got it? It's just that I honestly write for me, so I splatter my slobbery words all over this blog, and rarely think before hitting the "Publish Post" button!

Now I want to say that I made awesome apple pies. I plan on writing my first food blog soon! So stayed tuned for that!

I heard from Shane again, who claims he will be "ok". I can only assume he won't lie to me, and while he appears to have never made a huge effort to lie to me, I don't trust people, so I can only have some faith in this instance [faith is something I have little of].

I also heard from Holly, I am glad to see she is alive and functioning about the best she can! Keep the chin up sis! She was also able to provide me with some insight and opinions, which I always appreciate!

I made this blog/site for an organization I am involved in: http://www.seistudents.com. I volunteer for a lot of stuff, SEI-St. Louis for one, of which I am the chairman only because I lost the election. I need to learn to say no, so, yea, give me any tips you can. I typically feel guilty for saying no, and yet I can be so mean...how does this work exactly?? Really though, I blog for work and enjoy it. I used to do a newsletter for SEAKM (another eng. org.) and I enjoyed it for a period of time. This little web thing I'm doing it fun for the moment. I feel so compelled to help people I almost don't notice the stress and socialization required. It all catches up with me though! Eh, whatcha gonna do?

I Always Say Too Much!

Okay, I have an agenda of topics, so pardon my "bulleting"...I've had a magners, some chocolate, and a long effing week...buckle in and hold on to your britches!

ONE...I've decided to be Strawberry Shortcake for Halloween. I'd love to have the whole berry gang too, so if you feel compelled to dress up, and if you feel compelled to hang out with me [for plans yet undecided], then please, by all means, pick one of the gang and dress up with me! I plan on making my costume, but if I fall short on time I'll be dressing up in a premade sleazy Shortcake costume. Mike, you'd make a cute Huckleberry Pie. If we were talking in person I'd use my smirk to charm you into to it! ;)

TWO...this story was boring, I deleted it...I will assume you are grateful. Please save your thanks for later! [Had to do with me using power tools is all]

THREE...I was going to complain about going to the girly doctor. I even had it all written out. But, then I felt like it revealed too much medical information that I shouldn't share. I will assume you are grateful. Please save your thanks for later!

FOUR...So yesterday I got home from a really long day of work. I walk in to find out that my beautiful bully Bella was grey. You may not see the alarm in this, but you should know that she is a white furred doggie....covered in ashes from rolling in the burn pile. To say the least, I was not pleased, but this did mean that she and I had to shower together [the only real productive way to bathe a dog]. Here are some snapshots!

the bait	the beast	smile!

FIVE...Just a few things to some people who may or may not read any of this...Shane posted on Facebook today, he IS alive, I am completely elated with this knowledge, I hope to hear more! I am hoping @ibificus is enjoying his Friday that is leading to a hangover for Saturday...which is sure to be "impressive". Those boys in Ireland worry me sometimes! Speaking of boys in Ireland, another I'm sure I should worry about is @FrankieP. If there were ever a human that enjoyed scaring themselves, it would be him. I could see him dressing up in frightening costumes and then jumping in front of the mirror for the simple pleasure of the heart racing fright he might get! He inspired a nightmare I had about a masked person. To @sheehanpaul, I hope you are enjoying your trip to the west coast of the US. You inspired a dream I had about a Tommy Gun [see nightmare link above]! To my sis Holly, I've not heard from you in days. Yes I am aware I should sign into MySpace more often, the phone works both ways, etc; anyway I hope you are well. Becky, I got the invite, I plan on attending the shower. Brandy, I got the invite, I plan on attending the party. Mike C., your birthday is approaching, what would you like to do? Kelly G., your birthday is approaching, I have some gift ideas! Kelly P.-F., we need to get together sometime for tea, popcorn, and board games!

Phew, that was a lot...now, your words...
peep this: similar to "check this out".
anysexual: One whose sexual preference is not limited to man or woman or both. Targets include dinosaurs, rocks, fish, plankton, and balloons. To see an anysexual, please peep this!

Three Is My Lucky Number

They [whomever 'they' may be] say, deaths come in threes. Lots of things come in threes...wise men; Columbus' ships; witches of Eastwick...the list could really go on, in fact so much further than three! My point is that yesterday I found out about three famous deaths: Patrick Swayze, Darren Sutherland, and Jim Carroll. Patrick by cancer, Darren by suicide, and Jim by heart attack.

I thought about some of my own 'threes'...like how I need to take three Tylenol for this. When working in REVIT, I save after every three modifications I make. For some odd reason I only keep three of my drawing aides on my desk.

Then I got to thinking about something totally off track after seeing my drawing utensils. I thought about China. I don't like China. I won't buy goods made in China [there are a few exceptions you'll have to ask me about later].

And since I'm jumping all over the place with topics, I thought I should update you that I still haven't heard from Shane Brain. I did hear, through a Third Party, that he is at least alive. I don't know if I'm allowed to mention Third Party's name since technically I'm not allowed to talk to him. I've never been one to adhere strictly to rules I see as pointless, so, as you can obviously tell by reading, I still speak to Third Party.

You may have noticed how I pulled this whole blog back around to threes (three topics, Third Party...). So, now that I have you wrinkling your brow in confusion, I think this is where I will depart for the day! [Oh yea, another topic you should ask me about one day is my dislike for the celebration of Columbus, bastard Nazi]

Your words...
safety date: A person that accompanies you to a friend's or family event to give the appearance that you are seeing people and not isolated from society or to avoid being set up on blind dates by well-meaning friends.
pop hundies: To spend big bills, such as hundred-dollar bills.
#3: In relation to using the toilet, this refers to diarrhea. Alternately this can refer to a third type of bodily fluid, usually ejaculate.

Worried Over-Protective Friend?

..thunk-thunk..thunk-thunk..thunk-thunk...that's the sound of my plaid chucks as they slap the concrete walkways of the empty office. They seem louder than normal, probably because it's so quiet, but also perhaps because I walk with a heavy thud when I'm depressed. I shouldn't be depressed, after all I ran a lot this weekend. Yesterday I did my first 5k, today I ran 2 miles. This entire weekend I've eaten more chocolate than I ever should have thought about consuming for an entire month [but really that is a depressing thought]. I even got some shopping done for clothes that fit a bit better!

But, alas, I am depressed. I've worked most of the weekend on a building that I am starting to hate [cantilevers are the bane of my existence]. I'd love to talk more about it, but due to some confidentiality contracts, I can't tell you anything about it.

I'm also really worried about my friend Shane. I haven't heard from him in some time. I don't expect to hear from him; I won't really ever hear from him until he needs something from me. It's sort of how it works, user (him), usee (me)...I'm sure some of you can relate to at least being one or the other, dragged along in some hopeless charade. That is despite the point; my point is that normally he at least checks his e-mail and responds with some insignificant arrogant remark; often he at least posts some video of some song to entertain himself; or perhaps at least signs in to myspace. I haven't seen him around anywhere. That worries me, I hope he is okay and perhaps just busy! I fear he could be in the hospital, which is not unheard of for him. I fear worse that he could be [gulp] dead. I know, I know, I know..."stop being a mom", stop thinking the worst", "gosh, can't a guy just get some air", "let go"....but when I'm having nightmares about it, I think you should understand it's a bit harder to just stop worrying than you think it is for me.

You've been there right, worrying? A lump in your throat, the constant inability to focus on a task, the chest aches...

I'm being silly right? Tell me I'm being a silly over-protective friend!

ANYWAY, back to anything else to talk about...I'm back at the office, to work in the dark, in the heat, and alone [the best way to be]. I have a mental list of things to hammer out before I leave tonight [that is a great visual, me, my hammer in hand, beating things to total uselessness, if you could only see my awful smirk].

I've got to get to it, so perhaps I will write more later, but until then, here is a word for the weekend's end...

reefy: Cool or awesome. Often preceded by "so" and used by surfers.

15 Years

Not feeling really bloggy today. Today marks the 15th anniversary of my dad's death. I have officially lived half of my life with and half of my life without my father.

Anything you can do to cheer me up would be greatly appreciated. Funny video? Magic tricks? Just a photo even might work.

Dad wouldn't want me to be sad, and he'd surely be trying to cheer me up in some way.

Anyway, try your best please.

Miss you daddy!
Miss you too Shane Brain! You've been deadly at making me laugh!

Word-
shine:

1. Jewelry. Bling.
2. To insult someone in front of other people.
In Use: Damn, that girl was shinin' on yo' ass and you didn't say nothin' to hit her ass back.

The Surreal Week Is Finally Over

Friday night I had the pleasure of spending my evening with my good friend Mike. He made me dinner (tomato sauce with pasta and garlic bread per my request); and then we watched TV (some cooking shows, drinky crow, others). I also finally got to pick up my birthday present from him which is a certificate to a demo cooking show at Kitchen Conservatory.

I thank him dearly because he really went out of his way for me, and he had to deal with me in a mood he probably had not anticipated. So thanks.

Saturday night I had the pleasure of celebrating two very belated birthdays (Sharline and Eva) and one less belated birthday (James). It was hot outside, but fun none the less. I hope everyone, especially Sharline, enjoyed the evening!

Later that evening I spent some time online talking to James and going over some social media stuff, which was fun! So thanks for that James!

Sunday I had the pleasure of hanging out with Eva going to the Loop, eating at the Noodle Co., shopping around odd stores, buying a crazy CD and picking up some random gifts. We also went to Whole Foods for the first time, and that store is A-MA-ZING! I loved it!

So here it is, Sunday night, and I'm just happy the last week is over. Deaths: Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Sky Saxon, Bob Bogle, Billy Mays, beloved pooch Queens, and my Zune. I had my first real concussion (caused by my own stupidity). I purchased maps for the TomTom, UK and Ireland, so that I may geocach and find my way around! I sewed patches on my travel bag.

I see that my friend Shane has gone to Donegal for trip, I hope he has fun. Perhaps one day, when I can get around to it, we'll get to talk. I'll be sure to keep him in my prayers/thoughts.

I should head to bed now, so I'll speak/write again tomorrow. Here's to not texting when we shouldn't!

I would love to have this: Drinky Crow

Good Morning Heartache, You're Like An Old Friend

I find this whole blog thing funny. First of all, as I've always said, I write for me, not you. I sometimes find that I enjoy reading my own blog more than reading others'. I'm not being arrogant either; it's just that no one seems to have my sense of humor. So when I read my blogs, written pretty much how I actually talk, I find them very amusing, I enjoy what I have written, and really, we are truly the only one's that can make ourselves happy; we had better damn well try!

Second is that I tend to read/write blogs that are really just metablogs (metablog=blog about, or refering to, other blogs). I love it! I love knowing that there are enough literate people in the world who care enough to read and share. One disheartening thing about reading (books, blogs, anything really) is that I often find that I want to share everything I've read with someone in particular who tends not to care. The said "someone in particular" varies depending on what I'm reading, but the feeling is always the same. I share what I read with said humans and all I get is a look of "okay, I'm glad you enjoyed, can I carry on and forget we had this conversation". There is never a discussion, never an excited glimmer, never a "but ma, all my friends are jumping off the bridge, I wanna go too" moment. I want someone that actually cares for once to listen! So start caring "Mr. I'm Going to Ignore You"! I suppose I could also be saying "Mr. I Hope You Get Stuck In A Foreign Country" or even "Ms. Oh Cool, I Only Read Things That Come From Starbucks"! Ugh! [As a side note, for those of you that do seem to care, forgive me, for it is not you that I may speak of, and Holly, you should know I am talking about You!]

Anyway, on days like this when I fear I may have accidentally given myself a concussion before 8:00 am (long story, but I can't function, must get looked at); I find the best way to calm down is to take some deep breaths, minimize everything on my screen, and daydream of my dream job (sheep herding, stop laughing, I'm being serious damn you). My work desktop image is one taken from a friend Kelly (pic shown below). It's calming, it's also reassuring; then I recall that these fine animals will be eaten and it all strikes me back into reality. Reality, where I should be right now if I could only think . . .



Things to Share-
My boss Steven Crang in an HOK blog interview! Click here to see it!

Bella is better, after a visit to the vet, and many drugs, she's getting back to her spunky self!

Word-
oh, snap: Interjection conveying unpleasant surprise. Popularized by Tracy Morgan on the TV show Saturday Night Live.

This One Is All About Words

Ah yes, we do exist, engineers that love words. We may not be poets and we may not make art, but we do love the idea of listing things out, giving them meaning, and then repetitively using them! With such great enthusiasm I got to read a blog yesterday about words. Thanks to Twitter friend @SomeChum for sending me there!

Speaking of words, I used some yesterday to blog for my employer, HOK! My enthusiasm to write is overwhelmingly high; but I find that when it comes to keeping a good name associated with my employer I hesitate on what to write about. I could honestly write about lots of things, but I fear most people would find it dull and comparatively unuseful. Those HOK bloggers are some interesting people! But this personal stuff here, it flows outta me like stink on a pig! (ha)

Also speaking about words, I've began reading my newest book by Christopher Moore titled Fool. The language is a bit hard at first because it is set in England, in the time of "a more or less mythical thirteenth century Britain". I am certain I will enjoy it for two primary reasons: 1)it is by Christopher Moore and 2) THIS MAP [Ed. Note: please make note of France!].

I have one more thing to say about words before I leave you with the word of the day (and some extras). Sometimes when you read this blog, you might feel as though there is some coded or underlying meaning that you don't get. Well, you are right. Sometimes I say things that only one or two other people will know. I don't know if those people or anyone reads these blogs, but if they do, they'll get the meaning. They will know I am talking about them or to them. Sometimes the "coding" is less evident, and sometimes it is blatant! I try to use a word that "the person" will know. Perhaps a word that only "we" use, much like an inside joke. So perhaps if you see the word puttanesca you will know I am saying hello without pointing You out. Perhaps if you see a bizarre sentence like "find a safe place, then what next?"; you'll know it was meant for You specifically! So at any rate, please enjoy, and keep your eyes peeled for a secret message!


Goodies-
Desultory: something lacking purpose
Puttenesca: prostitute sauce! A tomato and anchovy sauce for pasta
Inglenook: a nook typically near a large open fireplace
Cofishes: Other fish in a group; coworkers, cohorts, etc. Shut up, it's a word. [Ed. Note: that's from Christopher Moore]

Word of the Day-
whoadie: A friend, particularly someone from the same area of the city as you.

Shitty in General

Quickly bringing you up to speed:

Saturday Eva threw me a birthday party. We went bowling at Pin-Up Bowl. Then we went to her house for a bonfire. I got way too drunk to know what I was doing, but tried opening gifts. Opened an embarrassing box of sheep (thanks Rob and Brandy, it was cute, and very thoughtful), told people they could eff off (lol, it's like my new thing to do these days), dragged my brother into things he didn't want to be involved in (no wonder he doesn't really like me). I was crying because I'm old and I feel like an idiot and the anxiety I have these days is beyond overwhelming. I made myself throw up because the amount of alcohol I had in my system was too much for me to manage. Glad that is over with! I did get some really great gifts though.

Sunday morning, a knock on the door, I answer to see our neighbor Jim. He looks alarmed, proceeds to tell me that someone busted out my car window. I was so confused I just nodded and looked from him to the car several times. I dressed and looked. I lost all faith in humanity. I am angry and hateful. I slept all day Sunday since no one would help me become totally obliterated. Someone threw a fist sized rock so hard through my window that it bounced off the opposite side door panel and broke that as well. Still waiting to hear from the insurance company.

Among other things about last week, which was shitty in general (turned 30, heartbreak, I was annoyed by coworkers, had too much anxiety about the party, had jobs creep up on me causing lots of stress, wanted to cry most nights, did cry a few nights, told that our structures group is moving in the office thus loosing space, Ruben is officially out of our department, Andrew is now part time in our department) work was more stressful than I'd ever like it to be for me.

Finished reading You Suck by Christopher Moore, brilliant stuff.

Started reading The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold. 33 pages in and I'm already crying and thinking of the people I should call to tell them that I love them, just in case I should die tomorrow, today even.

. . . to Kelly if you are reading this, we both know Mike wants to keep you, and I would venture to guess you know I think we should get to keep you too, but in all seriousness, you are awesome and I haven't seen Mike this alive in many years. So even if we can't keep you (which I think we should get to) thanks. It's good to see friends happy!

. . . to Becky, dude, I am sorry for laying on your boyfriend. He's like a teddy Bear and he was laying on the couch where I wanted to be . . . sorry dude. It won't happen again; and you were looking totally cute on Saturday, don't know if I told you that or not!

. . . to my sister who so awesomely gave me a link for T-Shirts that I've been wanting to get; 80stees.com . . . I'm thinking for sure a Ghostbuster's T-shirt.

So onto today:

Read Janet's blog, and saw these posters . . . done by graphic designer Stephan Massed-Bidal. He takes odd, and old images and then pairs them with a quote. Different, which is exactly what I was looking for this morning.

Words that I have not given you:

eco porn: A corporate advertisement that extols the company's environmental record or policies, usually by a company known to rape and pillage the environment as often as possible.

prevert: A softcore pervert. Someone who is in early stages of perversion.

effed in the a: A different way of saying, "Dude, we're screwed".

Clark Kent job: Your day job that pays the bills but is not what you really want to do.

Pull From Another Blog

So today is one of those days already. I woke up at 4:30ish, tossed and turned for an hour until my alarm went off, then tossed and turned for another 45 minutes. When I finally got out of bed, the irritation just settled right into it's cozy little spot in my mind.

Why am I irritated and annoyed? I don't know. If you could do me a favor and pop into my noggin and have a little chat with my brain; please ask that question!

I have to give many thanks to everyone that wished me a happy birthday yesterday. I owe Crystal many many thanks for not only baking me cupcakes for work (a tradition I started with the structures group); but she was also the only person to give me a gift on my birthday as well! The gift thing isn't so much what I am concerned about, I didn't ask for anything. I just thought she deserves some credit for that! My mom dropped by in the evening and brought me a low-fat cheesecake and strawberries. Chris took me to dinner. Eva is of course throwing me a birthday party (like I've been saying, if you want to come and didn't get an invite, e-mail me). Shane was the first person to wish me a happy birthday on my actual birthday. The Sutter siblings sang to me. Christine and Grace both got me birthday cards that are sitting on top of my locker at work. Mike dedicated a song to me! Skweak sent me a cut out sheep party doll on myspace. I heard from all sorts of other people too!!! So thank you to everyone, it made yesterday nice, and it made turning 30 tolerable! And, yes, I know, I know, I know . . . 30 is nothing, no big deal. BUT, it's like saying good-bye to my youth. I need time to adjust.

I really wanted to have something fun to write about today, just anything more interesting that me, but I just don't have any good stories. SO, I'm going to pull from another blog, in fact two blogs.

HOK Life's John G. wrote about awards, to which he points out Contractor's Awards. Funny Funny Stuff!


Bifsniff's Frank (a fellow I suspect likes creepy things) added a clip of an old black and white cartoon that is wildly different than any hippie-fied Diego saving whales cartoon we see today!






Word of the day-

high beams: When a woman's nipples can be obviously seen through her clothing. The larger the protrusion, the brighter the beams. [E. N.: I'm embarrassed by even listing this word today]

You Suck!

Ah, nothing like some hot tea with a bit of milk and sweetener to get you going on a cool and rainy Spring day! Or, that's what I am telling myself!

I wanted to blog yesterday night, but I had taken some diphenhydramine and had the urge to sleep. Knowing that I rarely feel the opportunity to sleep, I took my mind up on its offer and crashed into bed with my snuggle pillow held tightly to me! It lasted until about 2 or 3 in the morning. I was awaken to a nightmare that I no longer recall; but I can vividly remember my heart beating at a ridiculous pace! I nodded in and out of sleep until about 5:30 this morning. I am so tired!

On other topics I went to the bookstore last night. Borders of course! I had to go because the latest Sookie Stackhouse novel was out on bookshelves yesterday. I couldn't miss buying that. I also was at the end of my Christopher Moore book, A Dirty Job. I had purposely dragged it out as long as I could even though it was really good to read! I loaned it to Chris because I truly believe he will appreciate the humor! Something I learned about that book just last night . . . it glows in the dark! All this time and I just learned it! Of course I don't make a habit of reading in the dark so I have to wonder just how many people know about its glowing properties?

It happens every time I walk into the doors of the bookstore; euphoria from the perfect temperature, perfect lighting, and the smell of refreshing books! Dead and Gone was right there for me when I walked through the door, I snatched it up as if someone were ready to remove them as a waiter removes a half full plate in front of a still consuming diner! I wasn't about to let it out of my sight!

I marched onward with a mental list of books I wanted to peruse! More Christopher Moore, Chuck Palahniuk, and a handful of titles I could think of at that moment. As it always goes, I can never leave a book store with fewer than two books, I left with three. Lovely Bones, You Suck, and Dead and Gone.

Also yesterday, Shane sent me to some videos of Olga from Toy Dolls teaching how to play various songs on the guitar! It was brilliant! So thanks for that Shane Brain! I'm still so far back on the learning curve I'm beginning to believe I'll never figure it out. My fingers just don't move that fast. But I suppose, like everything else I have ever encountered, it will take time, practice, and patience!

Other things I find noteworthy:

I wrote in My Other Blog yesterday as well should you want to look at some cool photos. I finally watched Monday's episode of House, where CTB (a.k.a. Amber) sang part of a Specials song! I reached 100 posts on Twitter (which I some how felt unaffected by). I read through a blog called (and previously referred to in my blogs) Bifsniff; where I found a trailer that was very interesting (to say the least). BUT, on that blog is a great, and I mean great sort of advertisement. I do think you will like it!

Now that I have rambled, please write me to tell me how you are doing! Maureen, I haven't heard from you in ages. Are you doing okay?

Word of the day-
snark: Sarcastic comments. Combination of "snide" and "remark". {Sounds like this word is right up my alley]

Buckle in Boys and Girls

I have lots to talk about today, so buckle in boys and girls!

Austin, Texas was okay. It would be like coming to St. Louis, but staying out in West County, or Collinsville, Illinois. There was little to do. Fortunately for me, Dr. Cross, my former college professor and advisor, took the same flight there and back, so I ended up having company. I doubt he will ever read this blog, but if he does, thanks again for the ride home, and just your company in general!

Coworker Rachel K., now Rachel P., got married this past weekend. So a great big congratulations to Rachel and Jeff!

Shane sent me some videos to watch, well that turned into me going through all sorts of old Raffi videos! Do you remember Raffi? I miss Raffi and haven't thought of him in years! He had the best songs, and looking back, they are still the best songs! (Also on this note Shane, that puppet thing you watched as a kid is creepy, and I remember number 1 of the code, find a safe place, and have managed to forget the rest . . . oops).

Eva got a new car, a Volvo. Yes it is true that while cruising around in the Volvo she and I appeared to be two young girls borrowing mommy's car; but damn it, that's what a midlife crisis is all about! A major plus is that it has curtain airbags along the entire interior of the car, so she and I do not have to wear helmets!

Tuesday, the next Sookie Stackhouse book comes out. This is going to be very exciting to read!

Kelly G. left another comment to my blog; I know she is reading. That is awesome, so thanks again (I really like you, I could see why some one is so overly joyed by your presence)! I know my sister, my brother Drew, and Becky randomly read, they either have told me in person or have left some comments. Thanks to you three as well. I believe Chris reads because he has said he does, and when I quiz him on it (which I am entitled to do) he knows bits and pieces. That's more than most people so a big thanks to him. I believe Amanda reads, she knows bits and pieces of stuff I have written as well, so if you are reading, a big thanks to you! Dr. Cross and I talked a bit about you, he's very happy with your progression at the Corps!

Jami bought a new semi-hollow body guitar. So, for my birthday, he gave me his old Epiphone guitar (great for learners). I am so excited, Eva took me to Guitar Center to buy some new strings, a tuner, and some books. I eyed up the acoustic guitars, because eventually, if I learn to play this guitar, I want an acoustic. Guitars are awesome. I think my love for them comes from Raffi!

Bernie King, awesome musician that he is, sent me a message (via MySpace) to say hello. Bernie, or as I know him, Crazy B., is Eva's coworker. I know she really enjoys her work and even more so, enjoys working with her business partners. I am very happy she gets to work with some one as crafty and talented as B!

Just a couple of reminders before I go: Mother's Day is Sunday. My birthday is in one week (the 11th). My party is the 16th. If you want to come and did not recieve an invitation, please e-mail me!

Words of the weekend and today-
NSFW: Acronym for "not safe for work". Used to describe Internet content not generally suitable for the typical workplace. Opposite of SFW, "suitable for work".

perma-sweater: Now shirt, no problem; because you're wearing a sweater of body hair all year-round!

10 Questions with Steph

I'm doing something different today, an interview with myself! I could interview someone else, and maybe I will later, but for now, this is my blog, I think I should interview myself. So, ten questions taken from various interviews I've recently read:

Q: Tell us about your background.
I am Steph. I was born in 1979. I didn't have what I would consider the greatest childhood, but I had always thought it was the norm, so I never knew anything different until I was an adult. I became an overachiever at an early age, which is what I believe instilled me with the strength to do things that are scary. I was a shy kid from the beginning, gaining my only friend Eva because her mother told her to be nice to me. We are still great friends, best friends even! I went to SIUE where I gained skills for becoming a structural engineer.


Q: What is it that you do for your job?
Good question, few people know what a structural engineer does. I have two ways to describe this to people: architects make buildings look pretty, they make them functional, make them livable. I make them stand up. OR, you know when you buy a shelf that you have to put together, it comes with instructions on putting it together? Well, I make the instructions for putting a building together.


Q: What do the letters HOK stand for?
This is a question that people at HOK get asked all the time as a getting to know you thing, a sort of "make up your own verbiage" for HOK. My answer is Hellmuth, Obata, and Kassabaum. I'm not clever or witty, I am literal. Sorry.


Q: What kinds of projects are you working on?
Confidential!


Q: What makes design great?
Functional! Seriously, I love art, I love to look at art, I love to use art. But design of structures is different. I believe they can both be artistic and functional.


Q: What do you do outside of work?
Play on the Internets, blog, read, listen to music, travel, daydream


Q: Who or what inspires you?
Seeing my faith in humanity being restored. I get inspired when people do good things, make choices while facing the fears of the unknown, for making the right choices when the wrong one was so easy.


Q: What advice would you give to young people?
Make your own mistakes, make regrets, but be sure to listen to what everyone has to say. Do something before you die. Just try to be a good human!


Q: What is the best trip you’ve ever taken - where and why?
Ireland; I got to go with Eva to one of the most beautiful places known to mankind, and I got to see my Shane Brain


Q: What was the first space that you noticed?

I've always found this question amazing. Now trying to answer it, I find it difficult. My first thought is the old two family dwelling I lived in as a small child. Brick, Victorian. But what I recall about that space was the partial turret that created a sort of bay window. I loved that the space was not square. As I grew up and started seeing the functionality of space, I became appreciative of Frank Lloyd Wright's work, very functional, simplistic and elegant. That would be the first time I really noticed space. Chris and I still really enjoy just going for car rides and looking at houses and neat buidlings. It's a passion for which I hope to never lose.

Word of the day-
derection: What a guy gets when he looks at somebody really ugly.

Sleepy Thank You's

Yesterday was a fairly decent day. I was tired all day, not surprising since I'm not sleeping well. Yet again, I didn't sleep well, although last night wasn't about having a bad dream. My legs were agitated, leading me to confirm my belief that I have Restless Leg Syndrome. I lay down to sleep and my legs are just annoyed; so they ached, fidgeted, and kept me awake. My mind is all over the place too. I figure that eventually I will be so tired that I will just crash into the bed and sleep for 24 hours. I'm at least hoping for something like that! I really do want to sleep!

Tonight I have an eye appointment. I came into work early to leave early. I like doing this for a couple of reasons; 1) I get to save some PTO, 2) I get a lot more work done when it's this quiet around me! So I am sure you are wondering why I am blogging when I have other things I should be doing! It's a valid point, I should be working, but I AM multi-tasking. While I wait for my program to load, run an analysis, etc., I write. Thankfully I have Auto Draft Save! What appears to usually be a 15-30 minute written blog is usually over a course of a couple hours!

Anyway, so I have a few thanks and shout outs today.

I wanted to say thank you to Kelly G. for reading my blogs yesterday. Well, I don't know what, or even how many she read, but I know she at least read one blog, she left a comment. That counts, so thanks!

Thanks again to Kelly G., an accomplished English teacher, for choosing not to comment on my "run-on-sentence" style of writing!

I want to say thank you to Chris for shutting the window because the damned frogs that are breeding in the pool are loud jerks that are inconsiderate, and to think I feel compelled to save them! (Well, yea, I still feel compelled to create a loving eco-system for them in the back yard so they'll stay out of the damned pool)!

Thanks to Eva who made an awesome invitation for my birthday party...thanks for throwing me a party! Thanks for making such a cute invitation for my party! Thanks for letting me dress up in ultra-sweet 50's clothes and bowling shoes! Despite how I may act, I am looking forward to it! (If you didn't get an invite and want one, write me)!

A shout out to Sharline who is passing exams at a spectacular rate and doing well with her new job. I am very excited for you!

Thanks to Holly for responding to my blog. Glad to know you are getting through the paper stacks. Hang in there!

Thanks to Shane for playing some great tunes for me, I always appreciate it! I am very glad to see you are figuring out this blog thing even if you still have no idea what purpose it serves!

Thanks to Mike C. for ... wait, have you been nice to me at all this week? Just kidding doll! Thank you for checking out the HOK Life blog, and looking at my bio! I love writing, and getting to write for work is a lot of fun. Especially when they let me be me (read the bio)!

Thanks to Seth for saying that the short 1.6 mile bike ride from my house to the bus station is considered riding my bike to work; therefore allowing me to participate in National Bike Month!

Happy Birthday Clint!

So, for those of you reading, I hope you will at least leave a comment to let me know you read. It's nice to know who is out there and to know how you are doing! So Chris, Drew, Becky, Maureen, Eva, Sharline, Kelly G., Mike C., Holly, Skweak, Shane, Jason, Amanda, Sara, Dusty, Rancid... thanks for reading; be sure to comment or send me a message so I know what you are up to or at least let me know that you are okay! You should know by now that I am a worrier!

Word of the day-
no diggity: No doubt; for sure.

I Wrote About YOU

I'm fairly certain that no one reads this. Sure, I might average about 8 views a blog, but that's just a view, not a read. And that's just MySpace, no one dare travel into the realm of my Blogosphere!

I can visualize how this happens: The reader (whom I will call You), opens up the blog, skims through to see the length. Short=read; long=skim through for Your name, a silly link, a picture/video, a punchline, or just the word of the day. It's okay, I'm a blog reader, I can relate! Sometimes there just isn't enough time in the day to read blogs, You have to be choosy! [Christine, Grace, Eva]

So with that said, I'm going to trick You into reading this by randomly placing images, videos, or Your name in this blog (click on links titled "You", maybe You show up?!). I find that what I have to say is meaningful to me, and I want it to be meaningful to You as well! [Papa Skweak, Becky, Skweak, Mike, Badger]

Have You ever met some one that is all wrapped up in something You don't understand or that perhaps You think is too radical? Maybe she's just too wrapped up in anything for You? Perhaps You are thinking this about me and my blogs? Or sheep? [Elvis, Kim, Emily, Amanda, Shane]

That's okay, it's understandable. We all go through life with this social understanding of things. Depending on the society in which we learned, these behaviours may vary widely.

Well now to my point.

Stop caring what other people might think. If You believe in something, stand up for it. Don't wait for some one else to stand up for it, that may never happen friend! [Jami]

I care about the waste that we as humans produce (as Americans, "land of plenty" mentality, we are huge wasters, for this I am ashamed of US). Tomorrow is Earth Day and I challenge You, I challenge EVERYONE to reduce waste. Try to not throw anything away. Try to reuse everything that can be reused. Try to buy products with less packaging. Try to recycle anything that can be recycled (and in fact try to have nothing that needs to be recycled). Try composting! Just TRY! Please! Trying makes up so much of what we should accomplish in this world. Trying is usually what we give up on. Please just try! [Drew]

I know You will do the right thing! [Holly]


Word of the day (thanks for scrolling here!):
porn storm: Surfing for porn and getting bombarded with pop-up windows.

Damn Difficult, Damn Rewarding

Yesterday was interesting. Two friends (M&S) got crappy news, one of which is required to have surgery on Friday; another friend (C) is getting no news when she needs to hear anything; and Amanda came over to do laundry (and of course walk the dogs). I got added to a project here at HOK, which implies I will be here for the long haul of the project. This sounds very reassuring to me, I have a job still, at the place I love to work.

I feel exhausted. On one hand, it's a good feeling, because I hate feeling antsy and it makes sleep peaceful. On the other hand, exhaustion is hard to work through, especially when the sun isn't even up yet and I'm at work. I'm drinking some hot tea though, so I'll be alert in no time I should guess!

I think I am mentally in a better place these days. Part of it is medication, I am sure the other part is planning a trip. I feel like I just need to get away, do something I want to do, spend my money on me, and see things I want to see (an adventure). I guess unless you are in my head, it makes little sense; but I am really looking forward to the future, which is pretty necessary in my opinion. I haven't really looked forward to anything lately.

So in my planning, I look up something new everyday. Today, I might look up more information on the public transportation available in London. You probably already know I am a big advocate for public transportation, and would prefer to never drive again in an automobile (unless I'm the passenger). It makes "getting around" pretty damn difficult sometimes; but is usually a damn rewarding journey.

Alas it is time for me to move onto something else today, a little thing called work! I am designing a retaining wall today, a continuation of yesterday! I might stop back in later to post more, but until then, please have an enjoyable day!

Word of the Day:
fembot: A girl or woman who, unfortunately, finds herself oversubscribed to dominant views of beauty and femininity.

In use: Dude, your new stepmom is such a fembot with her plastic surgery, dye job, and falsies. I don't know what your dad sees in her!

What Songs Could You Not Live Without Hearing?

Well I successfully pulled off the longest work weekend of my life time. Okay, so maybe there was a worse one from college. I think what made this one so much more difficult is the combination of just being depressed and being sick. I need sleep bad, I am so tired and exhausted and lacking adequate oxygen I think! Throwing up sounds appealing at the moment!

It felt good yesterday to get a proverbial pat on the back from Andrew. It was nice to feel as though I helped and was wanted around. The feeling only lasted a little bit, but was nice when it was there.

So other things that happened this weekend: I have planned to meet Shane for tea in Dublin; got my tix for the London show of a lifetime; got the call that Amanda's grandma passed away (I had known it was coming since Dad passed away, their health seemed tied together); got a new dosage and variety of meds (which are so-so); made Andrew laugh during a hectic weekend (which was nice to see); Rachel K.'s shower got postponed (she and not-yet-born baby are doing well in the hospital); found out some one broke into our camper while in storage and stole my camping chairs (fuckers)!

So I guess I want to take a minute to say that I don't mean to scare people with my blogs. It's just how and where I vent. I can't say that I don't have myself scared, because frankly I am. I haven't felt this down and out in ages. I have my bouts, like the exam failing for example. But I rebound. I don't feel like I'm rebounding this time. I'm emotionally and physically exhausted, and ready to quit (yes quit everything). Thanks for caring though, and to offer to listen. It means a lot, but not as much as I think it should right now. The only thing I can really say about that right now is is "Don't Panic". I guess I at least found humor in the fact that Crystal thinks I hide depression well. I think if she knew me better she would see right through me! I also find humor in the fact that as depressed as I might be, I am still making terrible jokes, puns, and literary notes!

I would normally wrap the blog up about now and get to work. Screw that, I've been here working a lot lately, and I deserve a few minutes of blog time (or hours). So I can't think of anything to write, so I will wander back to my list of topics and write about one of those; that topic will be guitars! I do love music, so what better a way to try and cheer myself up than with a little bit of music talk! I can't get enough music ever! So here we go . . .

If you put your headphones on, and flip through your music player to Redemption Song by Bob Marley you hear the beginning of the song start with the soothing sound of stings being plucked over a hollow body called the acoustic guitar. The way this works is that the strings have individual resonant frequencies that produce a specific tone based on the vibration over this hollow body. I won't dwell on this portion of my topic. While I am intrigued by all objects' resonant frequencies, I am sure you are not! If you listen closely enough, you can almost hear the sound of grooved fingerprinted surfaces sliding along the strings to the locations needed to produce the sound required. It is the simplest of notes it seems. Daaa da da daa da da dada; daa da dada dadada daaa. I could replay the beginning of that song over and over and over again! It's a great song with my favorite lyrics being "Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery; None but ourselves can free our minds".

Another song that I love to hear the guitar played to is I Will Follow You Into the Dark by Death Cab for Cutie. It's another song where you hear the subtle shrieks of hand movement along the guitar neck. Another detail that makes this song so beautiful to me is the breathing you hear in the beginning guitar solo. Never paid attention to it? Well put the headphones back on, scroll through to the song, and hit play! Listen intently to the music, you'll hear the subtle sounds of hand movement and breathing. Lyrically, it's a beautiful song too. I think everyone wants to know that some one would feel that way about them; "If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks, then I'll follow you into the dark". If you feel that way about some one, please tell them! They may not know, and it may be the thing that keeps them from going insane!

Next on my list is Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley. I've mentioned this in a blog before. The breath, almost a sigh perhaps at the beginning of the song. Then a guitar solo that really goes from just an intro to a climax that ultimately leads into the song with some lyrics such as "your faith was strong but you needed proof", and "love is not a victory march; it's a cold and it's broken hallelujah". Brilliant!

We move along to something different, to say The Ol' Beggars Bush by Flogging Molly where the guitar is the blank canvas so to speak. It's melodic, but not overpowering so that the other instruments and singing are what promenade out of the headphones into your ears.

Then there are songs like Old Friend by Rancid where the guitar provides the base, but without that sound, the song would not be the same. It's the quick poppy sounds that really help make it identifiable and unique. Of course the lyrics are brilliant to me as well. "Good morning heartache; you're like an old friend; come and see me again". Ain't that the damned truth!

There are songs like Rock This Town by Stray Cats. It's fast and upbeat, but it's the base guitar that really sets the mood with the drums dancing right along side. The guitar jumps in with his quick movements that really make you think the guitarists fingers are going to get stuck and tangled in the guitar's strings!

Then there are the songs where the guitar is fast and furious and played with a heavy fist of fury, great for those moods where hitting something seems appropriate. Gosh, I have so many songs here I can't give you one example!! Imagine that, I would have music for the "hitting something" mood!

And just for Mike H. (who played Redemption Song for me on his acoustic guitar once); the Ramones! Ha, go on your tangent! I still love them, always will; so to your argument I say "whatever"!

So, I could really talk hours on this subject, there are a lot of songs I love. I want to know what songs are yours! What songs could you not live without hearing? Is it the guitar or drums or voices that get your thoughts into another state of mind? What kick have you been on lately?


Words of the weekend and today:
peasantvision: Television channels you get without a cable or satellite TV subscription.

nillionaire: Person without any money of their own.

Borders and BBB

This weekend was good. Friday the 13th was a good day for me. My buddy Shane called me (from Ireland, because that's where he's at). I've made it my goal to prove there is something he does NOT know about The Clash. I bought a book and will read for the most minute of details to catch him, although he's likely to know the answer anyway. After I talked to him on the phone, Chris and I went out to eat, at Denny's! It was super tasty, and there is nothing like breakfast for dinner! Mmmmmm!

Saturday was Valentines Day, and Chris and I didn't really celebrate it. Instead we took the dogs for a car ride. I mean, V-day is about spending time with the one(s) you really love right? So I stayed in bed late snuggling with the dogs, and then we took them for a ride. Chris and I ate at Jack In the Box. I tried the new teriyaki chicken bowl which is delicious! Then we drove over to Clayton to check out the Mini of St. Louis showrooms. I got to sit in the mini's which are super cool! I totally want one! It was great looking, but eh, I have no money for buying a car! So then we went over to Sharline's house to let the dogs see grandma, and to see her new puppy Pearl. She's a mini-dachshund. Super cute. Bella loved her and just wanted to play, but Bella is a little big for her!

Sunday was run of the mill. We cleaned all morning, but the bedroom smells so good, and looks great! I'm sure the dogs will spend today working hard at stinking it back up! Chris cleaned the bathroom while I cleaned up all of my unopened mail and did laundry. After all of that was done, I went to Borders to buy my Clash book; where I ended up buying a birthday present for Grace and a 'Learn French in 3 Months' thingy. Turns out the thing I got Grace is something she already has, but that's okay, I can get her something else that's super cool! Anyway after Borders I ran over to the BBB (Bed Bath and Beyond) to get a shelf to put in the shower and a fogless mirror. At the BBB, they had the Shamwow! So I bought Shamwow! I am sure to let you know how awesome it is!

Anyway, in order to get work done, I should move on, so here are the words of the day and weekend:

L bomb: When someone unexpectedly tells you that they love you. It usually comes out of the blue when you least expect it and are not prepared to respond. In Use:
Dude 1: Dude! Shannon totally dropped the L bomb on me last night!
Dude 2: What did you do?
Dude 1: I said "I love you too".

jackass of all trades: a person who is exceptionally bad at everything.
In use: Stefan is a dork. Give him anything to do and he'll screw it up. He's a Jackass of all trades.

Cowboys

Another weekend gone and a new week ahead, I wish I could say I felt better. I can’t say that I feel awful but my throat is still sore and my sinuses feel packed and achy. The fluctuation in the weather is surely a good part of the sinus problem. I like the cold and I like the warmth, I just want one season though. Not a full year of seasons in one week. Living in St. Louis though, I don’t know that I’ll ever experience normal weather seasons. I suppose though, to see the silver lining, I get an opportunity to wear a broader range of clothing and shoes.

So to move onto other topics, this weekend was crazy. I had thought my sister Holly was going out Friday and I made plans with her for that day. I had forgotten that my husband was already going out with his friends, so I told him I’d meet up with him at some point in the evening. Come to find out, my sister was never going out on Friday, she was going out Saturday, and I was already out of town for that day. I am really out of it these days, so that sucked! I hung out with Chris and his friends; they seemed to have a lot of fun, Chris was all jacked up on rum and cola. Saturday we (Chris, mom, and I) drove up north to Lostant for Aunt Laura’s 50 Birthday party. It was a surprise party thrown by her daughters Betsy and Sarah. I made a lot of mental notes about that evening and I wanted to share a couple. First, these farm boys up north sure do know their cowboy look; flannel shirts, thigh tight jeans, big belt buckles, cowboy boots, and big ol’ cowboy hats. I wanted to take a photo of all the boys out on the porch because it was a sight to see! I didn’t though, so not to offend them. Second mental note was about the condition of Grandpa. He’s my only true blood grandparent remaining, and in my eyes he’s invincible. He’s the guy that walked me down the aisle, he’s the guy that spanked my bottom when I got in trouble at his house as a child, he’s the guy I play cards with at holidays. I never see him as old or perishable. But at the party he’d had a sciatic nerve problem so he was in a lot of pain. It was cold in northern Illinois and he’d left his jacket in the car. It was horrible to sit and watch him shake because of the cold. He refused to let me get his jacket for him; he is after all very independent. I asked my Uncle Kirk that lives with him part of the time if he did this often and he said that he’s starting to see age in his father after all these years. I tried to ignore the sadness I felt when I saw Grandpa in pain. That was difficult to do!

In some other topics to discuss, Shane got his phone back, Mike got out of the hospital, Eva opened a Facebook account, I started setting up my HOK Blogger information, and I got back to normal on my laundry schedule! With that, I am moving on to the words of the day and weekend.

Homoblivious: Not having the ability to recognize homosexuals as being homosexual; lack of gaydar. In Use: He was so homoblivious that he didn’t know that guy was coming on to him. For those of you that know Toddy Bear, I believe he is homoblivious.

Master of One’s Domain: The ability to go long periods of time without sexual self-gratification. In use: He is the master of his domain; he can go for months at a time.